scared to death...

[mommy2be25]

I'm so scared right now... I've messed up really bad! I've called in my own scripts and this time they cancelled it and didn't fill it. I know they will be calling the Dr tomorrow and it will all be over! What will happen to me? What might they do? I'm the mother of a 17month old precious baby boy and he deserves so much more than this! I feel like if I just end it all then it will save him and my family a lot of trauma!

[nineoseven]

What happened to you since you have gotten clean? How did your legal battle go?

[MMarty]

Great advice but if I am reading right you are planning on taking your remaining pills and then going to look for help? I would start looking BEFORE you run out. It's very hard to get up and out when you are in withdrawals. I am finding it is not so easy to find help, my brother flushed his pills and checked in the hospital. They released him within an hour because they don't do detox. It left him hours from full on detox with no plan. You sure don't want that to happen. GL, Marty

[wishful1]

I am so proud of you, i havent had the chance to get on so i was very concerned. Great job for telling your husband and family, I can really tell you want to get help, and I am so happy that you realize you do have something to live for. Like i said earlier nothing is worth killing your self over. This is your second chance to be the amazing wife and mother that deep down you are, just the pills have been masking it for a while. It happens to a lot of us. Let us know how everything is going, good luck and God bless you during your treatment and all the other issues. Pray...it will really help you. -Betsy

[jollyman069]

I have reading yours and everyone else post's..you are getting some great  advice...I have been praying for you, and your family... sounds like you have the right mind-set to get clean and sober..sadly us ddicts have to hit a rock bottom to do this...I also thank God that the system looks at this type of problem differently then what they use too..You will be considereda non- violent offender...you weren't busted selling drugs...
again no ne can say for sure what will happen but I sriously dou bt that you will end up with time...I am sure you will be on probabtion and ave to do a program and urine test...Praise God that your family is standing behind you...and keep posting here...we all are concerned for YOUR WELL BEING...anything I can do to help please feel free to contatct me..I will keep prying for you...God Bless...brian

[buzzhorn1]

I really like what dominosarah said "deep breaths" and "serenity prayer".  These things help immensely as does posting to this forum.  Something I'm trying to help me is focusing on all the positive things in my life.  I looked at my son a couple of days back and said to myself "I can't do this to him".  In the beginning this was sort of being imposed on you externally so it will help that you are taking the initiative and self imposing now.

Tapering (i.e. spreading what pills are left over as long a period as you can, even to the point where you first develop loose stools) makes withdrawal less painful.  There's a resource available on this list called "The Health Pages".  Read the Thomas Recipe and the Ammino Acid Protocol.  Buy some immodium AD (you're going to need it, trust me on this).  Get ready to do a LOT of deep breathing and meditate and pray if you're a religious person.  I started praying my butt off when I first realized I had a problem.  It helps the mind set tremendously.

The thing you said that made the most profound impact on me was that you were "excited" about this new adventure to get your life back.  Share that with your family and ask them to remind you of it.  That one item is sooooo positive it can carry you through.

Something I read in another post is to take Inositol (a B vitamin) 6 grams 2x daily for anxiety.  I wish I had known this sooner as anxiety has been one of my biggest issues.

I'm praying for you!  I get the impression that you might have to go through some embarassment with the legal side of things but you will not have to do time.  Of course that's dependent on a lack of felony 'convictions'.  In theory you should be allowed to be arrested any number of times for nonviolent crimes and as long as you don't have convictions the judge can't hold that against you in a legal prejudicial sense.

Good Luck! And lotsa love!

Buzzhorn1

[dominosarah]

I know your mind is racing with a million thoughts right now.  Try and take some deep breaths.  Look at the Serenity Prayer.  I doubt you will be looking at any prison time. Just get going on your recovery and give that all you have.........sara

[Cantdothisanymore]

hi - i was at work yesterday and followed your story all day. i am so happy that it is turning out okay for you so far and that you have support. i cannot answer your legal questions but wanted you to know that my heart has gone out to you and i have been sending all my good thoughts your way since you typed your first sentance. i am fighting my own demons at the moment and struggling even with 40+ days clean at the moment so dont feel like i could be much of a help to anyone right now but please know that you are in my thoughts. all these good people here are the most selfless wonderful people - they dont even know us new folk who are trying to fight this fight that most of them have suceeded to win and yet they pour out their hearts to us and help us through the rough spots. i do pray that someday i will be worthy to offer the words of encouragement that they so kindly do but i am not a success story yet and have no magical words to make it better for anyone.  all i have to offer is my love and prayers. i pray for you and your family. please hang in there. i could easily have done what you did to obtain my pills if that route was available to me. i would have taken the chance and dealt with the consequences later as you are doing. we dont think clearly when we think we need that pill. you sound young and smart and i am so glad you did not do something to hurt yourself. i am always here. please add me as a friend and count on me to talk to if you think it would be helpful. unfortunately all i have to offer is frienship and commiseration. wish i had the answers too.

[mommy2be25]

So, does anyone know what might happen to me? I live in Georgia. As long as I get help before they come for me, do you think I can avoid prison time? I can handle jail while I wait to get bailed out, but I don't think I can handle prison time. I can't be away from my son like that. Ive been arrested twice, once right after I turned 18 for theft (this was before I ever started using) and then once for possesion of marajuana with my husband over 6 years ago. So neither time was related to narcotics or anything. What kind of punishment do they normally give out in cases like this?

[dominosarah]

Keep your chin up girl.......You have your families support and will get thru whatever happens.  Keep us posted on what is going on.  We are here to support you anyway we can......sara

[badshadow]

I'm glad to hear you are going into a Rehab Treatment Center.  That is one of the best things you could do.  I did it also, and it really helped my case with the Judge.  I didn't do it just to be manipulative, but I realized that my problem was bad and that I did need help.

I also have a daughter, and I did not want to lose her.  I felt just like you at first when I realized I was probably caught, terrified, but like I said, it was the best thing that could have happened to me because it got me on the road to recovery.

You and your family are in my prayers and I hope things go well for you.

[this_big]

  That is great news. I am so happy for you. Sounds like your head is in alot better place. I really hope all the leagal crap turns out to be a mistake or something. We can hope ...right?:)

    About a "free" detox. Yeah i didnt have so much luck w/ the one in my town .I'll elaborate if you'd like. But i wouldn't expect too much from a free one. I've heard of some that work on a sliding scale that were pretty good. There nothing like that here.

  I hope you find what you need and wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted,and you can always come here for support.:)

[avisg]

First thing i would do is call a lawyer  besides your family. I would not talk to anyone else  other then then the lay.I would also get your self into a recovery program right away .I m hoping this is your rock bottom  get help now  hey of the roller coaster you will enjoy life so much more. Good luck keep in touch let us know who things gone

[mommy2be25]

Thanks! You're right! 24 hours later Im actually thinking I can get through this somehow. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared out of my mind! But I know now that I have a reason to stay strong! Now I have to figure out how to get clean, which also scares me to death!

[mommy2be25]

Also, THANK YOU to everyone who has been posting and talking me through this so far. Ya'll are amazing people. I first joined this forum when I was pregnant with my son and was addicted at that time also. My son was born healthy and has been extremely healthy so far. I may not know what damage I did for years to come or I might be one of the lucky moms whose child has no negative side effects from my mistakes while pregnant with him. But ya'll were there for me then and are still here for me now. It's been an amazing gift from GOD to have people like you all to talk to during these hard times. SO.... Thanks!!!!

[RickRilla]

Just want to say you are doing great so far. What a difference 24 hours makes. Honesty is the key. Keep it up.  

[eynati]

I really think some things happen for a reson! I think u should defenitly talk to your hubby and I'm sure he will listen to u and something will come up- don't say u have no reson to live- your baby needs u and I truly belive we all have a purpose in this world think about it.....

[mommy2be25]

Well, I'm still here. And no warrants in one of the countys im concerned about, but I'm not sure about the other. I know it's only a matter of time. But we at least have a plan now. We were going to be moving in with my inlaws soon anyway, because we are both unemployed, just filed bankruptcy and are having to give up our first home. So, we are going to go ahead and move in with my inlaws this weekend (just neccessities) and my hubby is going to try to sell or put in storage the rest of our belongings. In that time I will check myself into rehab. I'm not sure how to find one that will take me with no money, but that is for us to figure out tomorrow. I'm ready to change my life. I want my life back and as odd as it may sound I am excited about going to rehab to get clean and start living again. I know I will have to face the legal side of all I've done but theres not much I can do to change that now. I can only change myself. I have told my husband, my father, and my inlaws the truth and I feel so much better already. I do have a reason to live and no longer feel the need to end my life. Even if I go through hell for a little while, I know it will all get better in time. My husband has said he will stand by me through thick or thin and now I know that him and my son deserve the best of my and thats what I intend to give them. These pills will not have ahold of me anymore once this is all said and done. I only have enough left to get through a few days, so at that point I will go to detox. Does anyone know where i might could go to get help if I have no money right now?

[this_big]

I agree w/others you should go ahead and start your detox. You do NOT want to go through w/ds in jail. They do not care how you feel,  or what your going through. Your not going to get hot soaks,or any other things to help you w/ withdraws. If you could get away for a few days to get though the first couple of days that would be great. Maybe a hotel,friend/families house. Just be aware they could come to families house to look for you,that would probably take a few days though.

Unfortunately,whats done is done. Just realize you cant hide forever and so the sooner you get started  w/ this, the better.

  That is great your family is at your side,That alone will help tremendously with getting through this. I really hope this works out for you. Try to stay positive, and i wish you the best of luck.~what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

                                          Jason

[PromisedLand]

It sounds like you've done the right thing..having your husband and father to support you is the best place you can start...you can't do much better than that.  My brother recently went through something similar with my niece and he was there to support her all the way and she's coming out OK...

Good idea to get out for a while...

Jim

[tryntogetwell]

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. And your family sounds like they are a very loving family. It helps if you have alot of support. I am also very lucky to have a great husband! Take care and keep us posted. I think it will all work out for you.

[mommy2be25]

Im thinking if I get through today I will try to help my husband pack and go over the bills and everything he needs to know about over the weekend, then I will check myself into rehab monday morning.

[mommy2be25]

We are going to leave the house for the day... just to get away for a little while. My dad and my husband both know and seem to want to support me through this. I just hope all my family feels the same way. It feels better having my husband and dad to talk to though, thats for sure. Otherwise I would have already done something stupid. I'll be in touch....

[sway1]

you may be able to go to the E.R. and tell them that you are suicidal. with luck they could admit you and get the ball rolling on getting you clean as well as some counselling. then when the time comes for court you'll have some medical records to help explain and to show that you have taken the first step toward getting help. the show of good faith goes a long way with most judges. don't you dare harm yourself! you want your baby to be saying "why did my mommy leave me?"? NO! nobody wants that. praying for you, sway

[tryntogetwell]

Im glad you told your husband. That was one of the main things you were worried about. So now you just need to handle this with your family and keep posting because everyone on here knows how you feel. We will all be here for you girl!