scared to death...

[mommy2be25]

I'm so scared right now... I've messed up really bad! I've called in my own scripts and this time they cancelled it and didn't fill it. I know they will be calling the Dr tomorrow and it will all be over! What will happen to me? What might they do? I'm the mother of a 17month old precious baby boy and he deserves so much more than this! I feel like if I just end it all then it will save him and my family a lot of trauma!

[RickRilla]

Honesty is the best thing. Talk to office first thing.  Admit this was huge mistake and they might forgive you. Just be honest .

[mommy2be25]

I use to work there... I don't think it would be that easy!

[scoenen]

Well, to be honest you are going to get into some trouble.  Getting clean would be the first step.  If you can prove that you are trying to get well and are going to some kind of after care program it may really help your case.  If you do quit and get help you may get away with being discharged from you doctors and get probation.  There may be others that have actually gone through something similar on this forum so hopefully they can give you more advice.  Good luck and I will be praying for you.

What types of meds did you call in ( I am assuming vicoden or something similar because oxys and the like can not be called in)?  How much were you taking a day?  

What did you mean by end it all?  I hope and pray that you meant getting off the drugs.  We have all been sick and tired of being sick and tired so we are here whenever you need us.  Hugs and I will be thinking of you

[mommy2be25]

I know this is something yall probably hear all the time... and I KNOW it was STUPID, believe me I know that! But I also admit that I have a serious addiction problem and no one, not even my husband knows about it. I'm so alone and scared right now.

[RickRilla]

Well try it, maybe they will consider it. What do u think will happen.

[mommy2be25]

it was hydrocodone (lortab) and its been going on for a LONG time. I use to get a legit script from a pain dr, but when I couldn't pay a bill they cut me off. Then I started doing this and now I'm wishing I had quit long long ago.

I do want to get off these but thats not what I meant by ending it all.... Everything in my life is already falling apart and then this on top of it all it just too much for me...

[mommy2be25]

I'm sure they will press charges or whatever the worst is that they can do! They fired me for theft, which wasn't entirely true, back in january. So, I'm sure they have no interest in working with me. I wonder if I was to speak to the dr himself if he would help me? I just can't see it being that easy... plus, is it really up to him at this point?

[scoenen]

I really think you should consider talking to your husband.  The first stage of getting clean is to come clean with the people who love and care for you.  Think about it.  

[mommy2be25]

Ive been down this road before, not the illegal part, but being addicted with a legit script and I came clean to him before. Im sure this time will end in divorce and with all this going on he will take my son... I will have no reason left for living anyway

[mommy2be25]

I want to tell him SO BAD... I need him to be here for me right now, but I just know he will leave. We are already loosing everything we have, he just lost his job so we have no income now. We are losing our home and moving in with his parents... He won't be so understanding...

[wishful1]

Ok just relax, think about your daughter, would you want her to grow up without you just because you were weak about your addiction and didnt get help? U need to get help. U messed up,everyone makes mistakes, go to a inpatient rehab to show u are serious about this. I am not sure the consequences of what you have done but im pretty sure its bad, but that is why i am asking if there is proof...how long have u been picking them up and calling them in? that could be the proof right there, how do you think they found out? Whatever you do, dont do anything stupid. Ur life is too valuable to loose. U can do this....

[scoenen]

We are here.  Talk to us.  You are not alone.  I have not been it that situation but I think we have all done things to get our drugs that we are not proud of, its just some of us got lucky.

[gizzy32]

Try to stay calm. Ending it all, is not the answer and you know that. I am not sure what will happen, but maybe this is the bottom you needed to stop using. I really am sorry this has happened to you, until tomorrow you won't know for sure right?  

If you show them you are serious about getting clean and get some help, then that will help a lot. Many of us here hit bottoms, I was on a death wish my last few months of using, but life has changed now and things do get better. Keep us updated on what happens ok. It's never to late to fix our mistakes:)

[wishful1]

U are gonna have to tell him, he will be wondering why the cops are showing up, tell him

[mommy2be25]

Its been going on since Jan. He actually called in some and gave me written rxs back when I worked there, but after I lost my job I just started calling them in... Normally it would go through no prob. But today I called it in, it was filled, and then cancelled. When I called the pharmacy said there must have been a mistake because they didn't have anything called in for me. But it was, so either they already knew, or they are going to call to verify tomorrow morning.

[wishful1]

That is weird....hopefully they made some sort of mistake...i pray nothing bad happens to you

[scoenen]

I recently got off Fentanyl and my husband was soo not supportive.  He thought I was crazy because I have legit pain issues and he did not want to hear me complain about my back (nice huh?)  Well, I sat him down a while ago and explained how it made me feel, why I wanted off, what type of person it make me, etc.  and he finally got it.  I can not tell you your husband will get it, but it is worth a try.  Right now tho, you need to concentrate of getting yourself well and taking care of your precious child.  
I am so sorry to hear about the rest of the chaos going on in your life.   I am sure that does not help.  

[mommy2be25]

He is already in bed for the night... so I guess I will tell him tomorrow. I know I should want to be here for my son, but what kind of mother am I? He deserves so much better that the life Im giving him. If I'm not here, they can all move on, we cant afford to get me bailed out of jail or pay for court costs...

Ive had these thoughts for a long time, but now it seems the right thing to do. Im not saying Id do it tonight, but its deffinatley a thought that isn't leaving my mind right now.

[mommy2be25]

Thanks for all the responses, at least I don't feel as alone.

Does anyone know what happens in a case like this?

[scoenen]

I think every addict has had thoughts similar to yours at one time but remember that we are not given more that we can handled.  You are a strong women and worth more than you know (esp right now)  and I, ans many others, are here for you.  We care and want to see you through this.  Don't give up hope.  

[wishful1]

Honestly its gonna be a felony. Ecspecially if they can prove you have been doing this for months...im sorry but its the truth, Its fraud....and u probably wont be getting off very easy, that is why i suggest you admit to a inpatient rehab asap to detox...Please dont do anything stupid, u can get ur life together, maybe this happend for a reason to make you stronger, if your husband leaves you, then fine....u need to focus on yourself and get clean and then get your son back if they take him. It will take time but look at it as a new chance to start your life over again! there is always some sort of positive in life, never a reason to take your life.

[scoenen]

First step is to come clean.  Second is to start your recovery process.  Once that nasty a$% drug leaves your system you will see the world in a different light.  It will not be a easy process but a very rewarding one.  Since getting off the Fentanyl I am much more positive.  I still have a second withdrawal in front of me- getting off the percs- which I am not looking forward to but know that once I do life will change for me.  If you want,  I will do it with you.  You can lean on me when you need to and we can get through the crap together.  

[mommy2be25]

I'll have to do it fast now that I can't get anymore... This is gonna be bad! I've been on them pretty much non stop (give a few weeks here or there) for almost 6 years. Any help or advice will be GREATLY appreciated! I just don't know what to do!

[10356]

HI mommy2be25 welcome to the forum. sorry to read about all you are going through right now but this is addiction.. taking your own life because you are in trouble with the law is not wise nor would your family just move on. I have a suicide in the family. it leaves a stigma.. your child does not deserve that..  you have to wrap your head around a plan. it really sounds to me like you are busted but I send a prayer up that it was a mistake as I write this.. you mentioned you will be moving in with your husbands parents.. I would tell my him and his parents. your parents.. who ever is in the position to help you.. you need a attorney. rehab.. you can also throw yourself on the mercy of the court and do your time and work out your relationships when all the dust settles.. but you need a plan ok. are you starting wd now ? remember nothing is so bad that we can not see it through.. lesa