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Avatar universal

so depressed, i hate this addiction

i am having such bad depression. i have been using a little bit here and there. nothing like i was before but whats the difference? someone told me im not ready. well how the hell do you become ready? i want it so bad but i just feel like i have lost everything and i have so little left. i know thats not true but i just feel so helpless and depressed and ashamed. im sure a lot of u can relate. i am around pills because i am too scared to move far away. i feel like i am going crazy!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
Just keep on trying and when you are ready you will know it:)  Please do not run from this site we all understand, and have been  in your shoes before.  I was a wreck when i first came here and yes i failed and let people down, but as long as you keep on trying thats what matters.  Understand though that the life your living is only going to lead to a dead end, so just think about what your going to do to turn your life around and we all will support you.  Don't give up and keep on fighting:)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi, we are on the same boat. I have got realy great support from a member here (weaver71). His constantly PM me. Almost daily ever since the day that I sign up on 7th August 2012. I have been trying real fukin hard in detoxing from IV H . But, I failed n failed n failed.. But his always supporting me in all ways, great support no nasty words.  I too felt **** , I feel bad because he seems more perseverance in hoping me to be clean off it but every single day , I felt that I have disappoint this nice person. At a moment , I want to deactivated from here too feeling ashamed like u, and we are very concerned about how others think. Cause, we have not made any achievement but seeing everyone being cleaned , feELin free, serene etc..

I deeply thought how u felt, seriously, it's really hard. Till date, I am still trying too. I make it yesterday without using. Really. Can u imagine, it a day and now I m bk to square 1. Advice given from weaver71 was , I will regret from guilt. Yes, I have made a lot of empty promises to him and myself. Promising to not touch, but the trigger is damn annoying yah, especially my legs.. Omg , that pair of leg, how I wish it wasn't even exist in the first place. That was why after 40 hours, this morning, I did it again. Useless right?

But that's the fact which I am not Afriad to be critisied by anyone here. I admit my will power is not strong enough n not motivated by myself enough. No other excuses. Beside all the husband not knowing issue, or family needs me, or whatsoever. It really deep inside ourself. How we battle, how we want.
This is a mind game. Very sickening.

What I can say to you is, this is your choice & also mine choice. We actually put our life in our own hand. Members here give comment and support in their own willingness. If u can't take it, swallow it, because by posting, u are expected to have good or bad. Take it.

Knowing that all this people wants the best for us to be like them. Make this as a marked point. Then u will feel lighter. What are comment anyway? Comment are comments ..

We just have to know in ourself what we want. One of this days, we will be there. They just don't wish us to delay having clean life ..

Wish u & me all the best in detoxing.. Hopefully we will succeed soon.

Thanks for everyone support here too. Deeply appreciated.

Regards

Cherie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
its been a very hard day and i am sorry for being so sensitive. after finally getting my mother back in my life, her and my brother got in a big fight and for two weeks now i havent even talked to my mom. its like how it was year ago all over again. i know its not an excuse to be a baby but i feel so alone again. i dont even know. i dont know how to reach out to my friends. not happy with therapy today. F***** everything is pissing me off and yeah i am just really not ready i guess. sorry if all of you wonderful people feel like i am just being a sad sap and using you. im really not using you. i want to be clean but i guess not enough
Helpful - 0
2187831 tn?1357087000
I think you can do this. If I could do it you can. I have fallen down so many times but I get back up. If your therapist is talking and not listening, that seems off. I would make a few phone calls. You and your life are worth it. I felt really bad for a couple weeks but the gnc protein shake in the morning and walking in the sun gave me a little inch of better. The depression does suck....it does. I got the opiates out of my body, I told my Doctor, he didn't really care...go figure. And he got me on a Anti Depressent to help with Serotonin. I go to the gym a lot. And I don't want to avoid the reality of my life anymore. I still would love to win the lottery.
NA is a good idea. You will see your not alone and that it can work out.
You deserve a full life with moments of complete joy.
Helpful - 0
3120424 tn?1347170032
Great comment BKitty
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Well said, ImDONE!  

Smartgirlbaddecisions, please listen to the very caring advice you are being given!  You can do this! Sometimes the truth hurts a bit and I can't tell you how many kicks in the rear I needed to finally get off mine and get it done! Keep posting! We are here for you!
Helpful - 0
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