the love of my life

[sharleen11]

i have been going out with this man that i love so much when i meet him he was on crack and brown and had been for 10 years he was in and out of jail. sounds silly how i could love some1 like that but after a year of ups and downs he got clean and was clean off the crack and brown  for 3 years but he was still on buprenorphine 4mcg he got a job and loved going a work with people that dont do drugs and never have he passed his test and got a van for work we had a nice holday this year with my 2 kids THEN ABOUT 6WEEKS AGO HE WAS BEING FUNNY NASTY TO ME SO I STARTED LOOKING ON HIS PHONE AND THATS WHEN I FIND A TEX FROM A DRUG DEALER ABOUT WERE 2 MEET. I ASKED HIM WHAT IS GOING ON AND HE DID NOT LIE HE SAID YES I HAVE BEEN SMOKING. I FEEL LIKE I LOT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND JUST DONT KNOW WHY AFTER SO SO LONG HE GOS BACK I AM STILL WITH HIM AND I SAID I WILL HELP HIM. BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM HIM

[sharleen11]

i no i have read a lot on drugs the last 3 years i have not done what he is doing so i dont know what he is thinking when he is on it. he just looks so sick all the time the past 6weeks big black rings under his eyes no drive in him at all i get him up 4 work when i get the kids up 4 school i just hope he stops as not sure what i do.

[blotout]

thats the problem no one ever thinks of what it affects, they think id like to have a good high feeling then it wears off and they want it again and again, trust me he isnt purposely trying to hurt you or your kids dont think that, but he does need help, for me once a woke up from sleep id be fine until i went and smoked one then it was like a neverending chain either i ran out of money or crashed from sleep deprivation, i remember my wife calling me crying and my kids saying in the background when is daddy coming home and i felt so horrible but couldnt stop myself, bout makes me cry now thinking about it, crack takes all your cares and emotions away

[sharleen11]

thanks i hope he/we must of all ME can do it i am so mad after 3 years clean he has done this to me and my kids

[mamaof4410]

Blotout is right. I have never done crack but I was addicted to heroin for 6 months. I know thats not that long but during that 6 months my life spirled out of control. I almost lost my husband and my kids. My days were planned around getting dope. I didnt eat most days because it took time away from getting my drugs. I completely lost myself. That too was my wake up call. I have almost 3 months clean. Its hard and with heroin I know there is a 75% relapse rate. Give him an altimatum. Me or the drugs. Thats what my husband did and I love him so much and that was enough for me to stop. I went through my wd's and now I have come to terms with alot of the pain I was running from. I wish you the best and this forum is awesome for support so post anytime you need to.

[blotout]

hi sorry to hear this, i personally kinda went through the same thing, i almost lost everything due to the crack, i went on for about 2 yrs destroying my health/job/finances/life/marriage until my wife finally had enough and was going to walk out for good, thats when something in my stupid head clicked and said enough is enough, that **** makes you not care about anything or anybody, the only thing you care about is getting more, good luck