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Avatar universal

tired of this

Pills have taken over my life....I've been telling myself for a long time (about a year) that I have a problem, and I need to be off of them....I'm out now...took my last one at 4:30PM yesterday. Been almost 24 hours. Can't stop crying. Ugh....I was taking about 4-6 pills a day (vicodin, oxy's,) whatever I could find.
I have 2 girls, and my youngest is 2 1/2. She needs me...both of them do, but the little one especially. I go to the doctor on Tuesday, but I figured by then I should feel better....and I don't want them...he is a pain management specialist, so that's what he does is hand out pain meds. I have 2 bad discs, which is why I started taking them in the first place...(about 2 years ago). The back pain doesn't seem so bad...I think I can deal with that. Just feel sad...like a loser....but like I need a pill at the same time....
It's to the point where I can't get up in the morning without taking a pill with my coffee...then a half hour later, I'm ready to take on the world....
I need to do this soooo bad, for myself mainly, selfish as it may seem, cause I love my kids, but want to be off for them also....
My doctor is new, so he doesn't have a clue that I'm an addict.
Any advice? I want my life back...and my girls need their Mommy....Please someone, help me.
9 Responses
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1831920 tn?1320857757
Where have you been?  Everything ok?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with all the comments above. I am in your same situation.  Kids, upcoming script and a refill on vicodin.  This is day 2 for me too.  I am looking at this as my chance to get clean.  I used to read posts on this site this same time last year but I relapsed and here I am again.  This withdrawal is hell but we r in it now and will get through it.  The days seem so long.  I just take it 15 minutes at a time.  If you can, do some exercise, take a walk, take a shower (over and over) and get out of the house.  That is what helps me.  Going to a fall festival at 4 pm today. When I get back this day will be over and I will have another day under my belt.  By the way, my plan is to get the refill and throw it out.  At my doc appt.  I am going to decline the script and get the heck out of the office.  If I don't do this, I don't think I will ever get my life back.  Please stay strong, we lived before the pills, and we can and will live after them.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with everyone..if you really want to feel empowered and take action, tell your new pain dr that your an addict and don't want any more scripts, otherwise it's too tempting. You can probably deal with your pain with OTC pain meds. Your kids deserve a clean mommy but more importantly you deserve a clean you.
I never thought I would get off my Vic's, terrified of WD, loved my buzz...etc, etc but now I'm almost 40 days clean.
The people on this site gave me the courage and support.
You can do this girl!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If your kids "need you".... Then you are doing the right thing by quitting. They'll have much more of you once youre free from the daily opiate grind. Personally, I tried to quit many times- but could never seem to do it till I had a family member call my dr and tell him to never prescribe me pills again. Once that source isn't an option, your outlook will completely change.
One of the best lines I've heard through recovery is: "you don't know what you don't know"... Then benefit of being on this website (and other group oriented therapy) is that other addicts (us) can help you by pointing out some of the crazy behaviors we do as addicts to "protect" or addictions... Like continuing to go to a dr that we know will script us meds... That's just insanity, the definition of which is to do the exact same thing over and over and expect different results.

Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Yes that is so normal to feel sad and anxious.It is because our brains quit making the endorphins and other feel good chemicals due to the fact we flooded it with artificial stuff.It takes the brain a while to realize this and again,start producing these things.Exercise helps alot.Whatever you can do.I quit cold turkey off of 150+mg per day and I was violently ill for a few days.I am now on day 42 and I am sleeping better and feel quite normal.It is worth it to go through this hell to get better and not have to have these stupid pills to get up every morning,the worrying about running out and not being able to go anywhere far away if we don't have enough.
   I would also go get a couple of bottles of immodium.If you are feeling really bad then take a triple dose of it.It will help.Just don't do that too much.I can explain why immodium if you wish.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
In the same boat. Been off for 6 days now. Same story...injury...pills...like the pills. So, I took em to be happy. I've struggled these last few days.  My body has been very upset w me. Started having A LOT of pain. I thought. Hmmm...well, apparently I need the meds bc I'm hurting. But that is NOT true. When u come off ur gonna have what's called the 'opiate trots' to and from the bathroom. Get you some Immodium AD. It helps w the WDs. Also, ppl on here told me about Amino Acids and Alteril (natural sleep tab w Melatonin) they work! Today may have been my best yet.  Not as much pain. Muscle spasms stopped. Not as depressed.  I've found that I'm having to re learn how to do simple stuff...without a pill that is....I'm Learning to get up. (Without a pill)...get ready & off to work (without a pill)...handle stress (with out a pill)...have a bad day (without a pill)....get off work and be "super mom" (without a pill)...cook dinner (without a pill)...and go to sleep (now I "pop" an Alteril for that, lol...). It's a re Learning process. It's a coping process...and most of all its a healing process...you can do it. Will it be difficult? You better believe it! But are you, your kids, your happiness, and your life worth it?? YES YOU ARE! It's a daily battle. But its so important. Let's encourage each other! We all will! And let's live our BEST life yet!!
Helpful - 0
1831920 tn?1320857757
Are you a single mom?  Do you have someone that can help you out during WD?  Ricart is right - get the Thomas recipe ingredients.

It is best if you don't have to work during WD.  The depression is normal.  Keep eating as healthy as possible.  You may crave carbs - I did and I ate without going overboard.  gatorade helped.  Epsom salt baths are good.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much....slept last night because I took the last one at 4:30....tonight, probably not. 24 hours now...not so bad, but I hear that it gets worse before it gets better...guess everyone is different. I feel so sad. That's normal? I want to go home and lay in bed until I feel better...but that's not fair to my girls....I'll get by, some way, some how. Thanks again for posting and for your support.
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Hi Babysis,You have come to the right place to get help with this.It will be tough at first but it will get better.The first 3 days are the worst.Are you able to sleep?That is a problem with alot of people.There is a few things at the bottom right corner of this page.The Thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol.You can do this.Keep posting and let us know how you are.There will be alot of people who will respond to your posts.It is a little slow right now though.Hang in there.
Helpful - 0
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