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Avatar universal

to hell and on my way back

Ill keep this short because I'm sure many of u doubt anything I say, with good reason. Most of you probably think I'm dead. And frankly, after these last 2 months I should be. How I am still alive, employed, and somehow landed a wonderful and smokin hot new girl is beyond me. I have a dr appt in 2 wdeks to beg for help. I went from simply abusing oxy, to speedballing 2-4 bags of rock mixed with the oxy and a gram of H. God must really want me around for a bit longer and I cam no longer ignore this fact. You will be hearing from me again soon. Only good things from now on.
41 Responses
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1742220 tn?1331356727
gosh beyond, i'm still just wanting you to get clean --
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5051252 tn?1362970368
let's not worry about it and say it never happened. it's not worth it. <3 <3
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4204073 tn?1361831476
Weird.  They deleted mine and Pat's comments, including the one where I said it wasn't aimed at you specifically, and I apologized if I offended you.  I was talking about what ricart said and said I agreed with Pat's theory.  Don't know why they deleted it?  
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3688816 tn?1358475297
Well I'm glad ur back!! I really hope u stick to the plan and get clean! Keep tht Dr appt. Make sure there is nothing tht can get in ur way of getting there and I mean NOTHING! good luck and keep posting so we kno how ur doing!
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2107676 tn?1388973859
That is a beautiful name. lol @ hippie parents. They could have named you Moonwalk or Zen.  I really like Serenity but I bet it was hard to live up to all of the time.  Yes, I certainly know about being touchy.  I need SLEEP.
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1827057 tn?1397520277
LOL    !
Yea where is she??   Sleep is good!    :)
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2107676 tn?1388973859
I miss Sonrissa so much and wish she would come back.  We used to be up all night together and called ourselves the Walmart greeters lol.
Oh well, at least I am getting some sleep at night now. SOMETIMES.
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5051252 tn?1362970368
haha - no harm, like i said! i know what it's like. i am still the touchiest person ever, even with four years of sobriety under my american eagle belt!

i'm serenity, and it's nice to meet you! yes, that is my name. people ask me if that's a nickname all the time. i promise, i just had hippie parents!
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1827057 tn?1397520277
No worries.  :)
I have also sold alot on ebay and you actually pay extra so that your listing will start and end at certain times because everyone is mostly available after 8 or so at night and if you post your listing during the day it will go off without a bid.   There are certain times  here on mh when the crickets are really chirping. One of them is sunday mornings.Another is friday and saturday nights and other odd hours .If someone posts during these times it is likely it could be an hour or more before anyone even sees it.  It is kind of a thing of learning to work the forum.
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2107676 tn?1388973859
thanks for your message and I shouldn't have replied directly to you but just replied in general.  I just get so defensive of this forum as I know how many lives it has saved.
I apologize for my comment that upset you and sincerely mean that this forum can really use someone with your clean time and experience.
Now to start over, I'm Pat and it's very nice to meet you.
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5051252 tn?1362970368
i understand that. four years sober or not, i still get touchy when i feel backed into a corner. i hope that makes sense. but i do see where you're coming from.
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1827057 tn?1397520277
Hi all
    I am going to make a post later that I hope will help more people get responses.Here is the problem,as stated above by poor pat.
When I make this post it will be seen and responded to by many and many will learn from it....but....a day or so will go by and many more posts will pile on,all by people who are desperately seeking help...and there are many new ones every day. The post will be pushed back to the 4th page by Thursday, which at that point will only be recovered by a random internet search.
If I bumped this post up frequently by posting on it often I could keep it available for viewing and responses for many days to come.There are more tricks but that is the main one.  anyway I will make a post later about this.
Arguing really does no good and the people who are on here day after day know the many reasons why this happens and it is not because we arbitrarily decide not to answer someone.
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5051252 tn?1362970368
^^ agreed, barb!
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4626633 tn?1382597122
Good luck with your Drs appointment. Please keep it. I'm not going to reiterate why you need to stop, you know why.
Just want to offer my support, and say you CAN do this.
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Thank you for your hard work and clean time.
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4810126 tn?1503942735
You've been an inspiration to me. Thank you..
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4204073 tn?1361831476
Excellent post!
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480448 tn?1426948538
Excellent post!
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Hi!
     I'm new here as of Jan. & I know the majority of these posters have been clean &/or here for  good amt. of time. All I can say is to not give up because I used heroin, cocaine, alcohol & Methadone for 31 yrs. I'm 47. I should have been dead several times over. I realize now that I wasn't truly interested in stopping even though I've buried a lot of friends. It's a sort of madness, the denial - the lack of clarity. (Although - I did cool it in the last 6 yrs.) Perhaps, I was given "too many chances" but I'm Oh so grateful, now. So, I'm in no position to shake a finger & I know that kinda' thing used to send me further from help. The thing is that things didn't start to change for me until the way I thought & looked at the world & myself shifted. If you keep walking down the same street - you'll fall into the same hole. Simple as that or as Einstein said: "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them." When things "shifted" for me I realized that as "adults" we are all ultimately responsible for the things we feel, think & do -- that our perception -- character & habits -- not the external pressures/other people -- are what we create our problems from. It's a scary concept but one that must be accepted in order to be liberated.
This past Dec. 25th I took my last dose & walked. It was the 1st time in my life that I TRULY KNEW I actually wanted to be clean. I'm still ill of course, but I welcome it with gratitude. I'm staggered that I'm doing it. I thank the universe & everyone who's supported me on this site & the people w/ long clean time who do "service" & are such an inspiration. So, all I'm saying is something has to give - to change- in the way you're looking at things -- it's not really about just letting go of the drug -- as I'm sure you know.
            I believed I was a "lifer" for so long that I wore it as an identity and used it as an excuse. Something to think about anyway.....

                                Wishing you the "shift" you need
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4204073 tn?1361831476
You sound positive which will help you move forward.  Keep that positivety to help you in the rough moments.  So glad to hear you dropped the other drugs and looking for help with your dr to get off the opiates too.  We have all been scared for you..and in my humbld opinion I see you taking baby steps towards your recovery.  A little timid, catiously and slow.  Once you get that help, you will pick up your speed and embrace recovery for your new life.  In the meantime, I will offer prayers that you continue forwards and that you are protected and that you will be open to the help you have been given and will receive.  Be careful with the opiates and not raise your ceiling with them after dropping the heroin.  
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3120424 tn?1347170032
Hi Beyond...good to hear from you. I hope you find the help that you need at the doctor. Keep us posted...
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2107676 tn?1388973859
HadEnough, I am glad you posted again.  I do want to point out a few things.  It's much easier to receive responses if you start a new thread instead of staying on one.  Quite often it looks like someone has received lots of support even though they have asked a new question within an older thread.  People coming on to offer support see an older date and all the responses and think that they have been "looked after" for lack of a better term.
Also, some of us don't have experience with the particular drug of choice, like suboxone or methadone and don't feel qualified to answer someone's question.
Please remember we are all addicts whether we are recovering or still struggling and we try to do the best we can.  We offer our time freely and the reason we still come here is for help for ourselves or to help others.  
Beyond Screwed is well known to the forum and we will never give up on him.

Please post new threads with different questions if you need our help and I am sure you will receive the support you need, remembering that sometimes the forum is quiet as we all are trying to live our lives as well.
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Avatar universal
I've read through most of this guy's posts, and the advice being offered.  It is bothersome to me that all the good people have devoted so much time and energy to someone that seemingly doesn't care 2 bits about actually getting even remotely clean, while others don't get near as much help.  There's only so much you can do for the poor guy over a forum.  I'm not saying to throw in the towel; just that there are so many people that DO want the help and support.

To me, this poor soul seems like he may have Munchausens disease.  Always posting something grander than previously, rarely responding, and not listening or heeding anything people say.  

Maybe his saga shouldn't bother me, but to see all the resources offered to him and not others is one of the biggest reasons that I said I was done reaching out here.  It hurts to see people that reach out and really want to change their lives, only to get a handful of responses.  

To the OP, I hope you hit bottom and wise up before you hit the bottom of a hole 6 feet deep.  I can't offer you anything that others haven't already except a prayer.  You certainly need it.
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
i am damn glad you are back.  Being clean is smokin hot~
Helpful - 0
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