vicodin addiction

[joyagain]

I am a 39 year old mom that is addicted to vicodin 5/500 6-8 per day.  I take them mostly to keep up with the kids (4 of them all school age).  I work part-time as a night RN.  My husband does not keep up our house well, and isn't exactly real ambitious with the kids unless I keep on him.  I feel like if it weren't for me, they would have no religion, get F's in school, and not have a lot of fun.  He plans nothing.  He is a good guy, but does not have the enthusiasm that I need him to have.  I quit working full time because I was having mild panic attacks due to the fact that things were not getting done, and I knew the kids needed me more.  We are pretty broke financially all the time, and I do all the bills and planning financially which is not a very good job.  I am sooo overwhelmed.  The vicodin help me to keep going beyond the point that I think a normal day should require.  I've worked on my husband for years for help and enthusiasm, but nothing more comes of it.  He'll give a little more after I real upset, but I have to get real upset.  I have been planning a way to quit vicodin, but things get sooo hard sometimes and I feel like I have to relax and be patient and creative for the kids so I start taking them again.  Is there anyone out there like me?  

[joyagain]

I started taking vicocin on a regular basis about a year ago.  And probably a couple years ago when ever I could get a perscription.  I have a plan to quit, but it isn't going to be until I've used up my two prescriptions coming of 120 pill each,  then what will happen is my doc will not give my anymore until about august.  Spoken like a true addict huh?  Anyway I actually told my husband all of this last night, even my plan and that I will need his help and he is very supportive.  He even sail do you need a rehab?  I told him "no" that this would cause a lot of undo undrest in our family and jobs, and very upsetting to the kids.  My whole family lives in this small community of which I work as an RN at the local hospital.  I feel really trapped about aftercare, but I'm willing  to go to some counseling for aftercare if I can find someone who does not know me.  Husband is supportive of doing this privately together.  I thank God for his understanding, I just hope he gets it when I'm have w/d and crave vicodin.  I've noticed that when I go off the vicodin, I will have to pay attention to my bodies needs physically and mentally more because that is healthy, and also required  to resist relapse.  The very reason I take vicodin is to do more for my family, and ignore my mind an bodies demands for self time.  I do have some chronic pain in my right shoulder since my early 20's, and really bad ibs probably related to anxiety.  The vicodin helps both of those problems as well.  Thank You sooo much for your posts everone who repsonded.  I have read yours taperme, and thank you for the ecncouragement.  I only hope I have not disappointed all of you with the fact that I will be finishing my last two perscriptions. p.s. I will not be able to attend NA meetings as the town is pretty small and I am an RN.  Not good for work, too much family would know.  Believe it or not I am considered the most head screwed on right in the family.  I've never really screwed up, and feel that if this got out, It would be too much of a let down for brothers, sisters, mother, aunts, uncles.........4 children all at private catholic shool, we are devoute catholics, great marriage,  good careers, all 3 boys in baseball.  The little princess of the family great child as well.  The drug rehab and NA meetings would really embarass the children because people would talk.  Too small of a town.  My husband and private counseling seem to be the best plan right?

[WannaBeFree79]

Your definately not alone with those feelings.  I could have wrote that myself. When I don't take them I feel bad because I am not energetic, don't want to get out of bed, the kids get bored etc etc.  My hubby is like yours too I have to push and prod him to do anything with the kids.  

I have learned that instead of feeling bad because the kids are bored or want me to have more energy right this instant, that I can't because even though they don't know it I am doing the right thing and what is best for me and my family by getting of the vicodin.  

Just remember when your feeling bad for the kids...that your kids (mine too) would feel way worse if we werent around for them at all, and that is where were headed if we dont stop the pills.

Good Luck on your journey!

WannaBeFree

[Addict63]

I don't know if I'm like you, but here's what it was like for me: I  started out on Vicodin 7.5 for back pain management. I took the 1st one and instantly wanted more. I took it to get blasted, not relax. I would use it if my dog won a blue ribbon at the dog show or if my dog died. I didn't really need a good reason to use.

It's highly addicting and I needed more and more to get the same buzz. Finally I didn't get a buzz anymore, I had to use it to just get normal. Sooner or later that's what it will do -  to anybody, no matter who you are, especially using for other than what it's prescribed for.  I knew it was becoming a huge problem as soon as I started thinking "hmmm, maybe I should stop?" But that's just me. But nobody could tell me to stop, until vicodin had it's way with me. Vicodin became the best advocate for me wanting to stop using. Vicodin was always in charge.

So I finally stopped using, and then got into aftercare because I didn't EVER want to "stop" again. WDs not too much fun. But, 33 days clean, if I get to bed tonight without a vicodin. I'm beginning to get my life back. I'm looking forward to summer, my sports, enjoying life in general, clean and serene. I'm grateful for folks on this site, including you joyagain, and the folks at my NA home group. I couldn't have ever done it this far alone.

[GA Guy]

Regardless of our addictions..we're all garden variety dope fiends at heart. If you're tired of the rollercoaster, get into some rehab with a professionals program. It will save your life.

[taperme]

There are a lot of us out there like you. I tapered off of Norco and am on my 12th day without. And guess what? I am at the point that I feel more patient with my kids and husband than when I was up and down from the Norco. Do you want to stop? Do you have a plan? This board is a wealth of information and support if you are looking to quit. How did you get started with the vicodin? Was it for pain, or to help cope?