how can i support my detoxing boyfriend this weekend!?

[ally9]

My boyfriend and I have been together for only 7months. I moved from another state to be with him but when I moved in I shortly after found out he was addicted to percocet. He has a very high position/paying career and still manages to succeed at that and takes care of all his other personal responsibilities. LONG story short, I was going to leave him and actually did for a few days. I told him I couldn't live with him on pills anymore, they're ruining our relationship. His mood swings are daily, our sex life is out the window and when we DO do it, its like he's only doing it to please me which it never does and I end up feeling awful afterward. I came back last night because he told me he's quitting this Fri (he has been tapering a little) which will pretty much be cold turkey. I came back because #1 I'm worried about him and I want to be there for him this weekend. #2 I have such high hopes for him quitting and us actually having a chance a normal relationship. He has tried to quit 3 other times, twice cold turkey and once on suboxone. The longest I've seen him off pills is 6 days BUT he was on suboxone. I'm not 100% sure what he is taking now, but last week he told me he was up to 10 a day 10mg percs. And before bed last night he took a half of a 30mg vic. How can I be the as supportive as possible this weekend? How can I encourage him not to relapse? I want to be there for him, I always have, its just very tough. He told me he didn't want to be with someone who's going to bail on the tough times. Why would he want to spend the good times with me if I bail on the bad. That's what he told me last night. I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't stick to my guns but on the other hand I'm really just trying to be optimistic and be there for my BF.  ***ANY ADVIC E WILL HELP**

[tgtiffany]

I think that was my hardest decision too.  Do I help? Do I stay? Or do I leave?  It's one that only you can make and decide, which makes it even harder.  I think it really depends on your situation though.  From what you say I would give him a chance, and see how things go and how he acts about stuff.  Then think about it some more...then I would try to talk to him and let him know how you feel.  That's down the road a little though.  Read my story, it's long!!

[kmill99]

I also have a high position/paying career and carry on business as usual but I am hooked on hydrocodone.  I am going cold turkey as of 10pm tonight and I would really have a hard time if my wife did not support me.  I am doing this for myself, but I have seen what these types of drugs have done to our personal life and have chosen to stop.  They have destroyed our once incredible sex life as they seem to have made me non-interested.  I also am much more short tempered and my taste for healthy food is also non-existent.  So....bad eating, no sex and loss of patience with my wife as mad me really sad and I miss our old life.  I  was very healthy conscious, romantic and sexually active before the pills and also very loveable.  You know... cuddling, thoughtful and more touchy feely.  It took that away and I want it back.  It would be very kind of you to support him through this very difficult time.  That is about all I can say as I would not want to do this alone.  It is up to him though and HE needs to WANT to do it.  Don't get down on yourself as this is the drug that has taken over his life. Good luck to you both.

[dominosarah]

Please keep us posted on what is going on with you.  You have to take care of yourself as that is what is important.        sara

[ally9]

Thank you ALL for your advice, information and support! I wish I could say I more hope for this weekends journey than I actually do but I'm going to stay strong and positive, for him. I hope and pray he can do this. Not even FOR me but himself! It has taken such a toll on him in more ways than one. He is under the control of the pills. And for a man who tries to control every aspect of his life, I know this is difficult for him.

@yin, @tiffany @GM @domino---thank you 100000X!! and please feel free to message your stories. I'm struggle the most with a definitive decision to stay or leave.

[tgtiffany]

Dominosarah is 100% right.  If he isn't truly ready to stop then ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that you do to help him won't get you anywhere.  Trust me, I've been there.  My husband was/is an addict.  FINALLY detoxed off hydrocodone.  He was taking 20-30 a day EASY!  I would like to share my story with you if you want, it's long, but I think it's worth reading especially for someone in your situation.  I was where you are 3 years ago.  Helping him IS possible, but it can take a lot out of you. And unless you are willing to lose basically everything you have to make a plan to stop somewhere.  Please message me if you want my story, I really think it will help you.  

[justneedtotalk]

Everyone here has given you some great advice but I think if you really like this guy it is worth sticking around and helping him out....Everyone needs a sober friend to get through this process but everyone is correct that he has to want it himself and is not doing it to keep you around.  He is going to need a lot of support and he definitely will need to get into some form of aftercare.  I am basically three months sober and my situation is very similar to your boyfriends....I too had a professional career and could afford my habit.  It is difficult for people like us because we seemingly function well in societies eyes but my wife too notices the sex drive, mood swings, and random trips to no where to score pills.

If and when he gets sober there are ways to tell if he is using again ie....small needle like pupils etc.....You have to tell him that honesty is the only way you will stick around so if he does slip up and use he can tell you.  If he does not get sober after the first or second try then you have a big decision to make.  People with this type of addiction usually do not associate the same importance getting sober as people who are on heroin or meth....So, it is difficult for that person to admit that a drug is a drug is a drug and this is a serious condition that needs immediate and permenant attention and help.

I wish you the best of luck and your boyfriend is lucky that he has you for support....You/he needs to do a lot of research about natural supplements and vitamins that will help ease the pain a little throught the withdrawal process....If you post another question about what he will need for detox I am sure you will get some great advice.  Best of luck to you and your boyfriend and God bless!

[tgtiffany]

Hey, I was in this same situation basically.  I would love to talk to you more, right now I have to take care of the kids and must get offline, but I will be back for sure to write to you.  I'd love to tell you my story if you want.  Helping is hard, but possible, but you have to decide if it's worth it or not in your situation.  I"ll write more later!! :) Add me as a friend k? :)

[dominosarah]

He has to want to get and stay clean and be willing to do whatever it takes.  Addiction doesnt stop once the pills are stopped.  Read up on addiction.  If you are going to stay in this relationship then you need to be educated on this also.  I hope he does stick to his word and quits on Friday.  Addicts are masters of manipulation.  Is he getting the pills from a doctor?

[GMcp]

thats his drugged brain manipulating you, its good to stay with him and be supportive, but it is your choice if you want out cuz you dont wanna be with someone with addiction issues, dont tell him this but keep it in your strong will'd mind that if it dosnt happen this time your done for good, if you keep going back every time he starts up again he wont take u seriously but if you tell him, he might try and hide it if he dose start again, as for helping him this weekend make him drink a bottle of gatoraid ever 90 minutes-ish, have vit's and bananas and make him take the vit's, valarian root,relora,and gaba really really help but then also a multi and zink/magnesium/htp and fish oil! clean all the sheets towls and cloths you and him will be wearing cuz smell is hightend and one of my most hated symptoms if you do all that he will be comfortable and watch alot of movies and keep him occupied i hope you do ok through this its hard helping some one in this spot, but good for you for sticken it out ! :) you sound like an awesome gf :) xo

[yinyang3]

Hi Ally well your situation is bad if he doesn't want to quit , really wants to quit . But be supportive and loving talk to him and see where he is mentaly with the pills I used for fifteen years and lost everything.(clean now) but with the right love and support if he's willing , going off will be the best thing he ever did besides stay with you. Good luck Ally9