want just one...

[didittomyself2]

ahhhh this is eating away at me...i have been clean over 50 days and have so much to do...we are going on vacation and i have to pack for all...boyfriend is out of town til friday and we will leave shortly after he gets home with 4 kids...i keep thinking if i just had ONE pill i could get soooo much done...and i can't seem to get that thought out of my mind...not that i have any or would even call for one but why wont that thought just leave my head!!!!
just had to vent...thanks for listening!

[girlybuff]

CONGRATS first off.
Secondly, you're sharing so there's a great start.  IF you were in real danger you wouldn't have shared.  Give yourself credit for that.  Also, give yourself credit for the fact that your post just might stop someone else who has a momentary craving NOT to use.
Maybe that's why the craving is there, so you can post about it and help someone else.
Ask God to relieve the obsession and enjoy your darn vacation!!

[bandnmom]

Have a great trip and be safe!! Look forward to hearing all about!

[didittomyself2]

thanks so much for your support...i will have a drug free trip for sure (no where to get them there anyway...haha)...and i will be back when i get home the following weekend!  everyone have a good week...hugs!

[merrymaria]

first of all have a drug free trip!!  when a craving hits me I try to eat something like a ice pop or ice cream bar..it helps a little. just remember all you have accomplished. Have a  great time and write when you get back.  Love maria

[worried878]

nad post when u get home...we all wish we had more energy....dont be down about it....with the pace of todays lifestyle,,,no one has enuf to keep up...peace/fun and laughter for ur vacation...

[rue10]

Have a great-pill free--vacation.

[didittomyself2]

yeah i hear ya...i wont go there again...when i first started it was here and there...and then it got more often and then almost everyday...you know...cause it made me accomplish things...i am not a high energy person...something i wish i had more of...and nothing helps that for me...not caffeine or nuttin!  oh well such is life!  ...got most of the packing done...now to clean up the house so its presentable when we get back home!  take care and thanks again

[worried878]

It was almost the same clean time as u that my cravings kinda kicked in..thinking u can handle the pills...that u can use responsibly...the bad memories are fading..it is amazing how quickly the brain can minimize negative things we go thru...but i know u cant use successfully....one will just get u to try 2 next time  then 3 and beore u know it u will be addicted again....ur brain then wakes up and it is like "Holy Cow!"..what am i doing ..LOL(:    COL):    easy to say dont go there...harder not to go there...just try not to...dark and evil place to go...u remember   u have been there

[didittomyself2]

thanks all for you kind words...i will not relapse...i just have to get my butt up and get my packing done!  love you all!!

[didittomyself2]

when i first stopped i too wanted nothing to do with the damn pills...going thru the wds were miserable...and i thought NEVER again would i touch one...i couldn't stand anything about them...the mention of them or anything...but that is in the past at this point and one tends to forget what they went thru...(such as labor!)...and i just wanted a little energy to fly around and get my stuff done...not that im going to do it because i've come too far to go back...i just was saying that after 50+ days with having to get stuff done the thought of them did cross my mind again..

[bandnmom]

Congrats on your clean time first of all. Hate those cravings but we all do get them every once in a while. Just keep busy and try to be louder then that pesky little voice in your head is being. You know that one pill will do nothing for you except make you mad at yourself!! You have been doing good this long its so not worth it to cave now!!

[ShockMe24]

Reading posts on this site, I knew the cravings wouldn't just go away out of nowhere. Last weekend I was heading to the shore and I had a huge craving. I wanted to buy 20 pills. I dialed the number and hung up before I placed the call. So glad I didn't slip up. 45 days clean now.

[studiogirl]

I understand completely.  It is normal to have cravings after 50 days -- Ive had them after much more -- regardless of what others say.  If it wasnt normal then why is long term relapse so common?  Whats important is not to give in to those cravings.  You did the right thing by posting and getting it out there.
They say in NA that the first 90 days are the hardest.  I actually think it can even be longer. For the first few weeks you might think "oh Im so glad to be done, ill never take another".  Then, the feeling comes out of nowhere and you have to deal with and fight it. Just like you are doing. Good for you for saying something. Have a wonderful vacation.

[puranx]

50 days and still wanting them? You need to stay busy and get a bunch of hobbies or something. I couldnt even stand the thought of them after the first day. You couldnt pay me to take them again.

[wanttobeclean]

I'm glad you are seeing the "crave" for what it is...a stupid mind game.  You are doing so good to be able to see things clearly like that.  I'm so glad to have found this site and see that my story is so similar to many others here...just like yours and girly44.  I took the stupid pills cause they made me energetic and made it so easy to cope.  I had no idea others were just like me.  I always thought everyone else used the narcotics...just to get "high". It just took me so long to realize I WAS getting high...my particular kind of "high"...not that totally doped out sleepy high I always pictured a "druggie" would be out for.  Anyhow..sorry to highjack your post here...it just feels good to read about a similar situation...especially since you have been clean now so long.  I'll be there too...about 41 days from now.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Vacation, and being clean through it! How wonderful that will be! Life begins again, and 50 days too! You can do this without a crutch. You will be so proud when you look back and say that you said no today.

[girly44]

I can completely relate to this. This is my first day on this site, and just last week I confessed to my husband that I had a problem. I gave him all my pills and now I am tapering. I leave in 2 weeks for vacation and now I am wishing I would have waited to tell him, so I could binge on pills. I have 3 kids, and it does make you feel like superwoman. Able to get everything done, that needs to get done, and you don't even mind doing laundry or cooking, cleaning, etc., while popping pills all day. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, coming off these evil pills. I wish you all the best. The only thing I can say, is at least you are not dependent on such evilness anymore. Can't wait until I have 50 days. I know I can't live the rest of my life like this, and what a horrible and selfish mother I have become while on them. Continue thinking of the children and how lucky we are that God has blessed them in our lives. There has to be more to life than popping pills.

[didittomyself2]

thank you for your kind words...i know that i wont get a pill but just my stupid mind games...and last year on vacation i was taking them and didnt mind doing all the laundry, cooking the food, etc...we rent a beach house so we dont go out alot...too pricey with 4 kids...3 being teenaged boys!  and yes, lifesaride...i will need a vacation from this vacation...i mean ill be at the beach which i love but otherwise ill be doing all the cleaning up cooking, etc...without pills this year!  but ill be fine...thanks again..

[lifesaride]

yeah, we all just want one. how nice to be going on vacation, problably good to get away for a lil while.  i know how it is going away, so much to do just to go, then it goes by so quick, ya kinda need a vacation from the vacation. well, just relax and enjoy your time with your lovedones.

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!!!  You know 1 pill wont do anything for you except make you feel miserable.  I remember early in my recovery a guy posted something and it stuck with me..........1 pill is too many and 1000 isnt enough.  That is so true.  Try and stay busy, turn the music on, walk around the block, vacuum or do whatever but just stay busy.  This is just your mind playing games with you.  Think how much fun you will have on your vacation not being a prisoner to those dang pills.  Stay strong         sara

oh i hate packing myself!!!!  i tend to over pack everytime.  Looks like i am going for months!!!!!