anyone around ???

[satancanthaveme]

I guess most ppl are watching the football........Im just sitting here going nutts, feeling sorry for myself, wondering will I ever, ever feel better.    Im so disappointed in myself for allowing this to bring me back here in my life.   and yes, I do know the things I have to do for aftercare.   that is not helping me right this minute.....Im is the middle of this thing right now.....I have to fight to get to the AFTER..lol.    Im wondering what is actually gonna be left....I am realizing that my body and mind and soul, CANNOT go thru this again, Im getting too old for this,  Im sure I wont keep bouncing back.  Well, let me try to do something, just anything, Im over here going thru.   Everytime I look out the window to outside, I wanna cry, I have wasted so much time dealing with the life of a pill addict.  Its not me, and it is not for me either.  ill check back a lil later......I am just dumb founded right now.   This is sooo ugly.

[satancanthaveme]

Well hello g_narly1....and thanks for taking out time to reach out to me.....& I will do that,  just as soon as I get just a tad bit stronger, along with my first passion which is church.   Dear God....that is my main source of strength, and guidance.  But where I am in life, NA cant do nothing but help.   My life needs both of these avenues.  

[gnarly_1]

Hey  just checking in on you....you sound a lot better today  humor is a great cure all.....I know this is tuff  I have done it more times then I like to admit....just know it will get better soon  it is the mental ''mindscrew'' that takes work  for me N/A has been th3e magic bullet the meetings give you some place safe to share  it is free and if your honest with yourself work the steps  you can loose the very desire to use    something I always thought was impossible  as soon as your up to it google a N/A meeting near you and hit it...........Gnarly

[satancanthaveme]

well thankyou, & yes....I am pushing, and I am going to keep on pushing.  

[VICourageous]

Ha! Well at least you are giggling a bit!

Just keep pushing min by min and day by day! YOU will push on through to the other side.
It does get slow on the weekends and it is Fall so everyone is doing all they can before Winter falls. Just hang tight! We are out here. Maybe in & out but we will be back too!
Wishing You the Best!
Bless

[satancanthaveme]

I have posted so many times in a row........guess I just need some attention here...smiles.   Feels like Ive been having a whole long conversation with myself.   Its ok....I have got to keep pushing on...I will return soon ok.   I can always read others post for strength too.

[satancanthaveme]

(SMILES)....well nobodys talking to me right now....soooooooo, guess Ill go and try to force some food into me, but definitely some honey kiss melon....its sooo good.  Ill check back in a lil later.

[satancanthaveme]

Okay, Im amusing myself now....lolol.   Well I thank god for even this lil moment to be silly for a minute.   I wish us alllllll well, and feeling better real soon.    god bless......ill be back later.

[satancanthaveme]

Just to try to bring a lil smile to somebody,,,,anybody.     Im not really focusing on counting my days, because, counting those days, is not like Im counting GREEN DOLLAR BILLS....LOLOL.     If the days were $$$$$...lolol....I would have a lot more interest in how many it was........lolol.  

[satancanthaveme]

Its something like when you go to get the grocery items that you need, and must have....but you dont have alot of money, but you know you have to figure out how to budget the money you have and be sure to get everything you need.....somehow..rite.......well it doesnt matter the cost,  as long as in the end, you got what you needed, and you did win.......sooooooo, in other words, right now the days are not as important to me as, what Im doing with everyday.

[satancanthaveme]

THANK YOU SOOOOOO VERY MUCH chig & neveragain.....I just returned back home..... there is still a black cloud covering me right now, but I want you both to know........Idk who you are, but your care, and your words, are power for me.  I managed to walk & slow jog a mile today, as I did two other days already last week, plus one day last week, I even managed to ride a shiny new bike I have, it was only the second time I had taken it out.   It is super hard for me to push myself to do things, because of my weakened mental state right now, and the vulnerbility Im feeling, and the ackwardness, just being totally out of sorts, it just feels like Everything about me is whacked off.  It is a terrible place to be, when you are the type of personality that is usually sooooooo together, and organized.  But I thank god anyways, because I am still blessed.  I cannot honestly tell you how many days I have conquered, and I have done this soo many times, this time It is not even important to me to torture myself like that, to me, counting this time, it just gives me anxiety, because I associate how Im feeling, and how I should be feeling, with the amount of days Im on clean,  the anticipation is horrible.   this time I truly feel different about this quit....and I swear Im glad, because......Im not interested in counting, Ill remeber the month, and a approx. date, Im doing better using my mental to focus on how and what I need to do to heal, and stay serious about how and what I need to do to cut this out of my life.  This aint for me, I absolutely REFUSE TO TAKE ANOTHER *** KICKIN like this.  I am way too blessed and important, and have toooo much to do on this planet, to be held, down, back, and getting whopped like this.  NO MORE, for me, this affair is definitely over.   I dont even have an interest in counting my days,   I am focusing on healing, and moving forward.   You know what......life itself is not promised to anyone anyways, those days clean, could be interrupted at any time, then all that hard work for nothing,  I cant take it not even once again.  It is not the days clean I need to worry about, the  count is not as important as my health and mental state.   I believe I will take a time out to count how many days I suffered...after my fight is over (smiles) !!!  

[NeverAgain127]

I know it is hard, honey.   I've learned that everything in life that is good, valuable, and precious is usually difficult to attain.  

Sobriety ain't for the feint hearted...you're a warrior!  Keep up the faith honey, you are doing fantastic.  I know you're feeling a lot of crappy emotions right now...please keep telling yourself that feelings are not facts, and that part of withdrawal is having to just push through these emotions.   They are not permanent...they WILL pass.

What are things you enjoy?  Could you watch a funny movie?  Get some ice-cream?  Take a long hot bubble bath?  

Pamper yourself right now...you are truly ill, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and care.

You're a precious child of the universe...and it's all going to be okay.  I promise.

Hugs,
-Robin

[chig1130]

Hi did you check your messages yesterday?
I sent you one, so check it.
Im here also.

Chig

[satancanthaveme]

well, hello.......guess ill try to go get some fresh air and walk a bit....check back later.  I just cant even talk right now, Im just digusted.

[satancanthaveme]

Well, Im just going to say hi, thus far, just letting everyone know, Im still alive, Im pushing thru. and hanging on.  Yes its rough, but I have to believe it will get better.   ttyl

[SSDS]

Hang in there- your not alone- I know exactly how you feel, I'm about to go through it again myself- but just hang in there and record these feelings in your memory to pull out the next time you think you want to take something again- that's what I'm doing. I will pray for you, please do the same for me

[NeverAgain127]

Hi honey:

Have you thought about going to a meeting now?  You don't have to be "over" the withdrawals to start going to either AA or NA, and no one there will give a hoot what you look like (although I'm sure you look fine; we are always our own harshest critics.)

Right now you are spending time with your own company, and that is a hard place for an addict to be.  You're having big thoughts about the future, which can also make the job of withdrawing tougher.  

Try to just focus on today...no tomorrow, or next month, just right now, right here.    

Are you able to read?   A good, engrossing book might help to distract, as will ANY activity.  You won't feel like doing it, but try and force yourself...anything at all...clean out a closet, refold your clothes, paint, draw, cook, give the dog a bath (if you have a dog!).  

Just keep putting together one hour at a time; this is going to get better--I PROMISE you.

Hugs,
-Robin

[satancanthaveme]

Well, I managed to knock myself out for a few hrs.   Im woke, but dont want to be. ...... ?????????????

[refills]

Wanted to let you know there is help here. Keep posting.

[VICourageous]

Hi!
I think I already Welcome You to this Site! I just want you to know that if you stick with one post for awhile it makes it easier for us to follow. This happens all the time, so do not take it personal at all. YOU will get more response in one post and we always can tell if you came back in with some new news.

I think YOU have alot to offer out here, as this was Not Your first Rodeo!
Once you get to feeling better then it will be interesting to see what Changes You have made this time and what you are doing to stay clean.

YOU know that the Detox is the easy part..YES it is Bad, but working on staying clean is where it really starts too! We all have to really work hard at it. Learning to live in are own skins without running to hide behind a Substance and mostly when Life is throwing some curve balls our way, takes some sacrifices!

You will feel better in Time..Just do not let the Mental Part run you down and out to use again. This is the part that either makes us or breaks us..Support, Support any and all is a must.
I wish you the BEST!

Bless

[pillguy]

try to distract yourself as much as possible.  The more you focus on the feelings the worse it is.  i know that minutes seem like hours but this will be over soon.  No surrender, period!

Cheers,

Larry


You’re alive Son, you’re living, not hurt much, just scarred.
Remember, Dying is easy, It’s the living that’s hard.”

[satancanthaveme]

Thankyou very much.......let me just be clear..I have no other choice but to keep moving forward.  I am just so outdone with dealing with this process .. I cant do anything but complain, and express my pain.  I have been threw this many times before, but it doesnt get any easier.  I now do know exactly what I need to do, and HAVE to do to stay clean and free.  It will get done correctly this time.  I dont have anymore withdrawals left in me.  I cant take this **** anymore.  thankyou so much for responding and not beating me up for complaining too much.   Yes I have experienced this before, shameful to say...but that does not change things when you are in the middle of it again.  

[pillguy]

If you need someone to talk to I'll be here all day

[pillguy]

Yep, we're here.  I wished I could help with your burden but this part is personal.  You've read the posts from those who have gone before you.  You've read how life becomes so much more satisfying without the chains.  Can how you are feeling right now stop you from getting there?  The light is in front of you and the darkness behind you.  Keep moving forward.