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9518579 tn?1408019480

whos out there w/ding with me?

8 days clean off of methadone 105mg tapered down to 45mg...went thru the first 5days in a detox.(thats all they could hold me for) last 2 days they gave me 4 doses of subutex 4mg 4mg 2mg 2mg then said ur good to go RIIIGGHHT. the first day out i felt ok then the next morning I felt pretty good, and then it crept up on me like a assassin. first the anxiety and heart pounding then the aches of bones and joints. there was a point it was so bad i forced myself to sit still and accept the pain just kinda welcomed it in my body then my feet kinda just went numb with a vibrating sensation. lasted about 15mins then had to get up and walk around. and oh my the head games are worse than i ever thought its like my brain is so fing confused and i have no control over it, i get really angry sometimes like i wish this disease could manifest itself in a physical form so i can beat the **** out of it. but all in all im doing ok 8days in and running the road of recovery never to look back at the drugs chasing me. MH and the people here have givin me so much support and kindness it has really helped me a lot so i just wanted to try and give some back. keep posting for support. together we can beat this, KEEPING THE FAITH.......
Best Answer
Avatar universal
My first 6 months off methadone, I wished I was in a rehab or some safe environment where my only responsibility was to work my aftercare. I think this is a great idea. I felt horrible ignoring my family to go to meetings daily, going to therapy, working out, my whole life was recovery. My wife even expressed some jealousy of my new friends, I was spending more time with recovery people than her. Jump in with both feet and never look back.
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Avatar universal
4am to sunrise is my favorite time of day. No mistakes, no pressure, the world slows down during that time. Of coarse I know you want it to speed up right now, but hey, we work with what we got. I wore out a pair of shoes detoxing, then I started swimming. Oh yeah, you will love life free, I hope you meditated on that on your walk. You have kids, remember how intense it was when they were born, nothing prepares a man or woman for that? That is how I see it, I called detox the birthing pains of a new life. I was watching my wife in pain and agony, days of labor, but as soon as she held that child, none of it mattered anymore. Getting off opiates has been just like that. Also, aftercare can be like hugs from a baby as well as changing diapers, we usually got lots of joy and have a lot of shite to clean up by the time we are off drugs. The same love your family feels for you, you will feel for yourself, the suffering now will simply be the path to true love. You shared how you felt you and your wife were falling in love all over again. Once you are clean awhile, you will feel that love and give to them more and more. I truly forgot what deep, real love felt like on methadone. You have much to look forward buddy, keep that rock star attitude.
Helpful - 0
9518579 tn?1408019480
wow i got back and it helped some but the fatigue and mind games are coming at me strong. it felt like i was wondering the dessert trying to find peace with my self. how long can you go without sleep before you lose your fing mind. methadone is ******* methadoom dont ever get on this **** its like i can handle it sometimes and then it comes back with no sympathy no remorse just all out war with myself my anxiety gets so bad i can see my shirt moving in my chest with every beat of my heart. 9 days methadoom what else you got for me. no matter what i am done with you and your vindictive ways.....each second each minute that goes by is that much closer to victory. time stands still for no one not even methadone each second each minute i get further away from your lies!!! i keep telling myself JOSH dont you want to unlock your full potential dont you want to give it all you have to be the best you can!! you owe that to yourself your family....i know there is a great life for me when i get thru this i just have to keep pushing myself and when its done i will slam the door and build a wall of support in front of that door to not ever let you back in..........yup going crazy but on ma 9th day just watched another sunrise ty god for opening my eyes. ty guys for listining to my phyco babble bull ****.......
Helpful - 0
8976007 tn?1413330650
i am one day behind you and i keep reading your posts hoping today is the day you feel better.  i know fentanyl and methodone are 2 of the hardest drugs to kick.  so, probably similar timelines.  3pm will start day 8 and the pain in my back is killing me.  keep paving the way.  :)
Helpful - 0
5685035 tn?1423932969
I use to drive to the beach and lay in the sand at 2 am the go to work at 630am...it passes breathe through it journal a lot so in a few months youll remember where u came from one day at a time you can do this
Helpful - 0
9518579 tn?1408019480
Wow the phsicall is gone but the head games are in full sffect I fing finally got some sleep with this med I got yesterday hydro something anxiety med slept like 9 hrs and woke up with bad equilibrium feels like im drunk but not. Going for a walk ty guys 10 days hell yea!!!
Helpful - 0
9518579 tn?1408019480
Well day 12 is here and I feel ok....been spending time with my wife and  kids beforeim gone was going to leave today but well my wife is beautiful......12 days seems so small with every second that passes. Not sure how I feel..my core is weak but strong with my will to overcome the anxiety of feeling so ill....this is very trying...whipdy ******* doo the detox wasnt nothing compared to how I feel now the heart pounding and not being able to let my mind relax. But this is my last post for a while I feel I wore out my welcome here..noones fault but mine.....u guys have helped me this far and now its time to move on.....take care and be true to urself.....
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