whos out there w/ding with me?

[beatbutnotbroken]

8 days clean off of methadone 105mg tapered down to 45mg...went thru the first 5days in a detox.(thats all they could hold me for) last 2 days they gave me 4 doses of subutex 4mg 4mg 2mg 2mg then said ur good to go RIIIGGHHT. the first day out i felt ok then the next morning I felt pretty good, and then it crept up on me like a assassin. first the anxiety and heart pounding then the aches of bones and joints. there was a point it was so bad i forced myself to sit still and accept the pain just kinda welcomed it in my body then my feet kinda just went numb with a vibrating sensation. lasted about 15mins then had to get up and walk around. and oh my the head games are worse than i ever thought its like my brain is so fing confused and i have no control over it, i get really angry sometimes like i wish this disease could manifest itself in a physical form so i can beat the **** out of it. but all in all im doing ok 8days in and running the road of recovery never to look back at the drugs chasing me. MH and the people here have givin me so much support and kindness it has really helped me a lot so i just wanted to try and give some back. keep posting for support. together we can beat this, KEEPING THE FAITH.......

[lulu747]

Hi Josh-

Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing at your very exciting 30 day mark?  Wooohooo!
I hope you are out celebrating with your family. You deserve it.
So proud of you.
Hugs,
Lu

[beatbutnotbroken]

Doing ok just busy keeping out of my head trying to put the past behind me and enjoying my family...30 days tomorrow except for my lil bump

[EvolverU]

Beautiful post about a beautiful moment, Josh. Glad you're living life & feeling it. Kids see everything! (I know I did about my Dad. We had a very similar moment about his drinking & womanizing when I was 10 or 11. I'll never forget it as it meant the world to me). May the healing continue. :)

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude how goes it???? haven't seen you post for a wile and just wanted to check up and see how you are I got to go to my home group tonight at 6 Arizona time I will check back later and just remember your betting  this thing one day at a time.......Gnarly

[atthebeach]

thank GOD for the moments of clarity, for the precious gift - called life,
for the innocence, love, sweet words and compassion of our children,
for tears,feelings,emotions, for GOD revealing HIMSELF to us.
hold on to and cherish each and every one of these times,
they are so precious.

you have been given a new and fresh start at life my friend.
live it to the fullest, clean and sober, you have alot more living to do.

so many blessings, HIS grace and mercies are new each morning.
keep up the awesome work,
it will keep on getting better,
much love,
Debbie

[beatbutnotbroken]

What a moment of clarity....I was in my bedroom sitting Indian style reading and in comes my 11 year old daughter...she says daddy are u ok?? I looked at her and said im fine love. Why do you ask? And she says because you are always reading and you look sad...I said jump up here with me for a moment. I told her that I have been in a bad place for a long time and was sick...and now u may see me like this just know I am getting better...and she says I can tell u dont fall asleep like you used to all the time...tears started to swell up but held them back and she says its ok daddy u can cry...then I gave her a big hug and she got off the bed and said im going to make u a snack I laughed and said I would love that...just was amazing to see a 11year old with that much compassion...I truely have a gift from god...thats why im still here thsats why I lived thru 8 car accidents and all the other things I did when I was using...my eyes are opened wide with the willingness to change me no matter how scared or unsure I get change will happen and the man I am supposed to be will emerge...god is revealing himself to me....