why do I feel so far from God

[tooter212]

I haven't been to church since I got clean. I got mad at the preacher. I was hurting so bad and I wasn't getting anything of out of it. I've always been afraid I wasn't saved but now it's 100 times worse. I know the bible and know that's not true but don't know why I feel this way. This depression is killing me. HELP I just went for a walk is the only reason I can write this

[tooter212]

The way I've been taught is we are the church but the Lord said to gather on the first day of each week for communion. That we were to teach others and support others

[msdelight]

Ouch

[TheLightSeeker]

Tooter, here's my 2 cents worth of wisdom:
I know that the answers, just like GOD are inside us.
There's no building that can contain GOD, just like there are no answers
outside of you. The more we look outward, the worse it is.
That's what got all of us in trouble in the first place.
The "outside solution". We think you need people to be a certain way,
things to work out a certain way, "Us" to feel a certain way & Society to cater to what we need, want and expect.
If it doesn't work, we take something from outside to fix that.
The system doesn't care. The system is designed to play us, the way we
expect to be played, because we have been conditioned to buy into this BS
Take THIS to feel better. Really?
And then we pay a price.

Hitting bottom, feeling 100x worse, depression, anxiety, whatever, may actually be not so bad after all, if in the end they make you look INWARDS, where GOD can be truly experienced (again) and real answers can be found.

Love & Light
Niko

[VICourageous]

H-E-L-L-O Tooter..How are YOU doing now?? Just checking in with you..lol

[petsrule]

God is not in a building. And He understands.  That is my knowledge and belief.

[tooter212]

I'll do anything but the COLD shower!! I have to turn the little heater on for 30 minutes before I'll even take a shower!!  Thank you guys for all the posts.

[ricart70]

I use the cold shower as a jump start to propel me into other activity.

[ricart70]

I have depression too and I do a lot of things to keep it at bay. I have to or it can swallow me. Some of the things I do are extreme and they can provide some extreme results. I got up this morning and it was before dawn and I could not go back to sleep and felt pretty bad. I went out and ran 3 miles. I know you can't do that but You have to get yourself a toolkit together that contains all of the things that You can do.It really helps just knowing that there are things You can do when you feel bad.
  That was great advice above by spider about cutting out the sugars and whites !!      

There is one thing also in my toolbox that provides IMMEDIATE results and it only requires 5 minutes and bravery to do it .
Get into the shower . Slam the cold water on and stand there for 5 minutes or as long as you can. YOU will not believe the change in Your attitude and also the temporary pain reduction this causes.  You will have a different attitude when you get out and it is temporary and usually lasts 20-30 minutes for me but it is totally worth it.

[ricart70]

I'm sorry tooter . I hope you have a good day soon and get feeling better .

[tooter212]

Well I went for a another walk. It's 220 steps from my back door to the mailbox round trip. This was my 3rd or 4th trip today. By the time you take in my trips to the bathroom, I've walked myself to death today. lol Must have kidney problem, going like crazy and not drinking that much. I need to drink more

[tooter212]

Oh I'm not going to do anything. To afraid of hell .lol  I just wanted to express myself. You can't mention anything like that to anyone without them jumping to conclusions so you just keep it to yourself

[tooter212]

Philly, I keep reminding myself of that. I've fought this many times. I know it in my head, just got to get it in my heart. I was told it was like killing Jesus all over again each time I got like this. Thanks for reminding me. That really helps. God Bless you

[msdelight]

Perhaps this is part of Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome? Have you read about it? It's here in the MH pages. I have been where you are tooter, and taking your life will only hurt the ones you don't want to hurt.
Spider you knocked my socks off (brrrr) I am going to read it over and over and over! You are amazing!

[PillyJilly]

Hi...I know exactly what you mean and that feeling of not being saved .It is a tool of the devil to work on your mind . Every child of God experiences that feeling at some time in their life .Being saved isnt always a feeling ..it is a step of faith and believing even when you have that nagging thought or doubt that you arent saved .People dont always FEEL saved but if you gave your heart to Christ all you need to do is accept and believe that you ARE saved .Feed your spirit by reading the word and starve the doubt by sweeping it out :-)

[VICourageous]

Hi Toot..You are not alone. I feel that I had to re-channel back with my God over & over a few times in this past Year. Keep reaching to the Sky!
We have to keep moving them "road blocks" out of the way with Faith. lol

[tooter212]

lol

[clean_in_ks]

Some mood altering endorphins are in your MedHelp mailbox baby!

I hear ya on the Dr Pepper.....I KNOW it isn't good for me...but know what?  Neither were opiates...bwhahahaha!  So, I balance it out....if I allow myself a DP.....I make sure I drink plenty of water too and also get some electrolytes in me. (instead of that "all or nothing thinking")  Those who don't have an addiction to Dr Pepper would NEVER understand!  I have a cartoon on my kitchen cabinet that has a guy laying on the floor..gasping....in severe pain....and the caption says,
"This man is DYING for a carbonated beverage!  Is there a Doctor PEPPER in the house?!"

[tooter212]

A young man posted earlier that he was thinking about suicide but was not going to do it. Well I'm doing the same thing. It's against my belief so I'm for sure not going to do it. But a strong feeling comes over me that I can't take this feeling anymore. It's almost painful. I took my first sam-E today. I hate to tell a dr about this, he'll just put me on one thing then another. I know it's trial and error but I can't stand to be on downers. I'm down enough

[tooter212]

Spider I thank you for your post. I went out side and walked to the mail box. It's a pretty good walk. Not near enough I know but all I can do right now. I've done it twice today and will do it a few more times before night. I've been drinking a lot of Dr pepper and no water. Been doing that a while. I'm back on Gatorade. I've been on the same glass all day. When I'm finished with it I'm going to start drinking water. When I just reread my post about walking to the mail box, I had to laugh. A newborn baby could do that.  

[spider6]

Hi girl......I believe you are struggling with "God" because He is part of "us".....He is us.......you are angry with yourself.   I was told by a doctor a long time ago that anger was a symptom of depression.  Obvy you are depressed, no news there right?..............again with the depression.......you know all the tricks......problem is applying them when your depression has taken every last oz. of energy you have!  You have to force it chicky.  When it's too hard to do that, you ask yourself, well I need strength to help me through this and body's get strength from nutrition......cut out all simple carbs.....anything white.  They are zapping your energy.  If you can't exercise your body, exercise your mind.........luminosity is free I think.....I play that.   It's all a mind game Toots.  I don't know how you feels about antidepressants.....have you considered?  

I would say exercise your body but I know how limited you are.......you must make yourself a list of all the things that make you happy and all the things that you want to try or do, use these things to keep your spirits up.  God understands if you can't deal right now.  Come back to Him when you've made peace with yourself and you are feeling more humbled in "your" eyes.

You are exactly where you should be in this life Toot and when things change, better or worse, the same sentiment applies.  Life is about dealing with the hand we're dealt.........good or bad, it's a matter of perspective and ultimately choice.   We make what we have work for us .....go with the flow.  Can you imagine trying to change the direction that the rivers flow........

You're a fighter Tooter......find your sh*tkickin boots girl, it's time to stir up some dust.
We're all right there with ya!
Hugs and prayers of strength of will your way......honk honk, toot toot!

[tooter212]

Thanks Clean, please do

[clean_in_ks]

Oh Tooter...I'm so sorry you are struggling so much of late.

I have this sayin that helps me, "Feed what you want to grow....and starve what you want to die."  So, even if you don't have a desire to go back to the same church....there are other options for "such a time as this".  Just by feeding your spirit by what you read, watch and listen to will begin to quench your thirst.  We all drink from different wells....and if you find one well to be "dry"...move on and find another one that WILL quench your thirst.

I listen to certain songs that feed my soul....read short daily thoughts in the morning to "connect" me....watch movies or youtube videos that INSPIRE me.  That "food" changes me....and then what I want to grow actually begins to grow.  If you want me to PM you some songs or youtube videos that have helped me, just let me know and I'll be more than happy to do that for you.

You just hang on....I'm so glad you're talking to us....bless you girl~

[tooter212]

Thank you msdelight

[msdelight]

Tooter I believe you might be angry with God. And that's ok for now. You have been through so much. Please know that God loves you anyway. You don't really have to go to church to receive Him as he lives in our hearts. Surrender all the pain and angst to Him. He will light the way.
Love,  Laura