Need support

[Sharon0255]

I am going to try on go cold turkey again tomorrow using a variation of the Thomas recipe and I'm scared and alone   I am on 50 to 60 mg of oxycodone and can't take one more minute of this hell I did this a month ago and made it 8 days and went back please I really need support. I have taken Monday off and my husband is home and not working right now so I'm going to say it's the flu. I am so disappointed in myself. I was sober for a long time and was diagnosed with breast cancer in 09 had a total mastectomy and chemotherapy and here I am I have come off these at least ten times in 2 hrs and everyone in my family is in recovery and I've been able to hide this. The worst part is my youngest son just came clean with his habit and here I am lying this is killing me. My son has 28 days. I'm crying as I write this praying someone responds I'm in rough shape. I have enough pills and see the Dr on Tuesday. If I don't do it now I have 2 weeks off from work in December and I could do it then but I'm afraid something really bad is right around the corner I've been reading these boards for a month the last time I detoxed all these posts helped so much but because I have not joined the community I had no encouragement last time I detoxed. My question is can someone please support me through this I don't feel strong like I did last time. I took high doses of Valium and it wasn't that bad but my habit was less and I stabilized for awhile at 40 mg. Sorry I'm going on and on it's thanksgiving and I'm cooking for my family and feel like a piece of crap.

[gnarly_1]

Sharon where not aloud to give out dosing info on the forum but a general rule is of cource follow doctors orders if you just are getting them from somewhere the less the better dont take any more then enough to take the edge off it your going to be uncomfortable doing this I tell everybody.....''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile''  dont think by taking a boat load of valium your going to get around withdrawals it dont work that way and could be dangerous I truly wish they would let me tell you how much to take but the post will get pulled if I try and do that just keep it to the absolute bear minimum your detox has goon well so far by tomorrow or the next day you should start to see some light hang in there keep praying I have said a prayer for you and will continue to YOU CAN DO THIS whatever you do dont trun back now your so close......Gnarly    

[luckynags]

Your doing great!!! I am so proud of you!!! As for work tomorrow, I'd say yeah give it a try....just tell everyone that your not feeling well and that way if you can't make it through the whole day, you can go home sick...... it won't be an easy day at work but anythings got to be better then sitting at home, doing nothing but thinking about the way you feel.  But on that note.... if you don't feel like your ready or that you can't handle it, then take the day off.... they can't fire you for being sick...... its all about YOU right now....worry about the other things later!!!

[Sharon0255]

Is tomorrow going to be worse or should Ibtry and go to work. Will it help me to try and stay busy?I'm reallly sick so imnscared ti show uo at work. Anyone withvexperience please respond I'm on dayv3 took my last dose 11/24 at 8 pm.

[luckynags]

Hey Sharon, Congrats on your success so far. You should be very proud of making it this far..... Everyday will get better from here on!!! Keep reaching out for support and after you start feeling better please give support to others, I find that giving my support to others has been a huge benefit to my recovery!!! It keeps me grounded and reminded of how bad the withdrawals were so that when tempted with the urge, its that much easier to say NO!!!!

You should be very proud of yourself! I know that it might be hard to see the end but its coming and the worse should be over soon. After this you will feel like you can accomplish ANYTHING!!!! Its a great Feeling!!!!

[Sharon0255]

I finally have the runs I think I'm in withdrawals now you think day three is the worst? God help me Gnarly what about the Valium doses?

[laurel453]

yes,  you can take it ( you are not taking and Antidepressant, right ? ) but keep on mind that it will not take away the depression you are feeling now... i wish it worked this way but i am afraid it won't be a magical pill, Sharon... I don't think there is anything that can wipe out the depression from wds apart from trying to stay busy and time ... what's your favourite comedy or tv series ? i know it is hard but try working and repeating positive thoughts.. You can do it, Sharon ... day 3 is usually the worst, you will soon start feeling better, hang in !!

[Sharon0255]

I am o. Day 3 and need to cut back my Valium and Ambien. I kicked benzos back in May and don't want to get hooked again everyone says iy takes more than a week. I started the Ambien a few months ago for the side effects from the chemotherapy drugs. Is it a bad withdrawal off Ambien? Sorry I have so many questions I'm just scared. I'm taking 50 to 60 mg of Valium. So depressed can I take the 5 http yet?

[Sharon0255]

Day three and I'm not sure if I can do this. I was awake all night and finally txt my friend who has my stuff. I scammed last night for hours how this was the wrong time do it after next script. I hate myself please help me. I talked to my son and pretty much told him the truth he doesn't know I'm detoxing now he has 28 days first try ever and he's 29 told me to stop judging I was an awesome sober mother his whole life.
Sorry I'm rambling I've been taking to much Valium and Ambien haven't take. Any yet today need to ween off today and not get the pills. Got on my knees and asked God please one minute at a time I want my life back. I have so much to do and can't really move from wd and Valium.

Should I start taking the supplements tryosine 5 http? Anyone here heard of Arnica or Melissa? So hard to post but I'm trying to save my life with your help oh yea what time zone is this board?

[avisg]

yes plz do not mix Valium and a ambien.Not to mention they are both really addicting I know sleep is one of the worst parts but the best thing is try to just push threw .Exercise even if its just walking will help get the receptors working again on there own.Hang in there it will get better.

[ImDONENoMore]

oops - meant oxy's not vics - course that's kind of like potato potaHto right?  lol

[ImDONENoMore]

gnarly's right - don't let the "all or nothing" thing screw you up - we put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we first quit and that's not always a good thing.

Giving up the vics is a great start - now focus on slowly weaning off the sleep meds and the valium (which you're supposed to taper anyway) - sharon, this isn't a race - you'll get there if you stop to think about what your ultimate goal is.  To get off all the drugs for good.

You can get there just give yourself a fighting chance.  You are NOT losing this battle - you just need to get there slowly and safely.  And gnarly is absolutely right about NOT mixing the ambien and valium.  If you find you absolutely have to take something for sleep choose only ONE of those and slowly step back from each as time progresses.

[gnarly_1]

Sharon how you holding up???? just a quick check .....cant sleep yet so I thought I would see how things are going for you again please be safe with that valum it not a good idea mixing that with the z /sleep meds might not wake up at least have somone check in on you I cant make you do any thing but   you should choose one or the other its a safety thing........Gnarly

[Sharon0255]

I'm sleeping because of the Valium and the Ambien I feel like such a phony substituting one drug for another. Iwas able to stop the V last time after 5 days. Hope I can again then the abbien haven't had booze and pot my drugs of choice in 23 years. My addiction wants me to feel guilty about the benzos so T say screw it may as well take Oxys.

[gnarly_1]

YOUR doing good so far Sharon normally I tell people to detox then start the 5http and tryosine you all ready feel out of sorts you dont need anything else throwing you off some people start it right away but I think you shold get on level ground then treat the symptoms good to dee your still going at it another couple of days and you will be free it also great to here you do A/A that will be extremely helpful hang in there post when you need to I need sleep bad been up all night at work but check the forum to see how people are doing thern come on for a couple of hr b/4 work I will check back how did you sleep by the way???
good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[10356]

Hi Sharon.. Congrats on 2 days. I have read this whole thread First Congrats on beating your Cancer. You are a Survivor.. 2nd Congrats on getting it together for those 11 years They are not lost for You have grown during them. Also so Proud and Happy for your Son and thru him You. For his Strength he learned from you. all Survivors are a Inspiration.. I'm glad that the physical is not your dominant pain but very sorry your emotional is. Guilt is a very damaging emotion I know this for I lived with it for a very long time. It took so much joy from my life and made everything I did a chore. It took therapy for me to be able to release that guilt and the Courage to tell a lot of truths to a lot of People. It took getting honest with myself. you have been in the AA program for a long time and you know in your heart that the truth is what is holding you down. Get honest !! Get Support !! You did not beat freaking Cancer just to end up in addictions clutches.. You are Human You became addicted to a much needed medication.. Speak to your Dr. he will be so proud of you and you will get medical support.. Your Husband will understand. we fool ourselves thinking nobody knows for they all see a difference.. Your family has much experience with addiction. lean on them. Breath freely for the first time in a long time it feels good. Give your family something special to celebrate You and your Son's Freedom. I do not mean to sound harsh. I only want for you to Live.. Take very Special care of yourself for you are a very Special Lady.. warmly lesa

[laurel453]

i would  wait for the Ltyrosine.... It can make some people jittery and if you are already with anxiety, i don't think that it would help you now. i started with it after the first week when most of my physicals wds were gone and the lack of energy hit me like a ton of bricks.. I took it together with the 5htp ( for the mood ).. always in the mornings the tyrosine and start with the lowest dose and see the effects it has on you before increasing it, ok ?

[Sharon0255]

When can I start the mood supplementsn5 http and the tryosine?

[laurel453]

Sharon, we are all very emotional in wds... don't worry... valium can help but never if you take too much, how much you have taken ? i think you are so ansious that you are taking it even if you are not feeling very bad, we try to avoid wds and i can understand it but to a certain extent there is nothing that will wipe away the wds, ride the wave.... try to relax, please..... What are your symptoms right now ?

[Sharon0255]

I'm really concerned about how much Valium I'm taking and Ambien. Not sure about the supplements I'm taking. I am loosing my **** and not feeling the support here. It's all my addiction sorry everyone never been so lonely

Oh yea hosto I take the supplements minerals,vit C magnesium potassium restless legs. Valerian restless legs stuff. OMG please help.

[laurel453]

hey, feel proud of your 2 days... and it seems you are still doing well, :) How are you now ? People are busy these days , thanksgiving, black friday and weekend, but here i am if you need talking ...

[Sharon0255]

Thank you for caring I keep reading the more people I have encouraging me the better so here I am day 2 and looking for support.

[Sharon0255]

Thank you for caring yes to your support question been a member of AA for 23 years. Have relapsed twice once at 10 Spiral leg fracture ended unpin detox after fighting it off and on for 2 trs only when I got caught did I come clean changed my sobriety date and stared over it was so hard but awesome this time had 11 hrs and got breast cancer relapsed and no one knows. Long story but during my 11 hrs of sobriety married man in program graduated suma job promotions awesome family and now I live a lie and hate myself I was hoping these boards would help not sure yet. It's day 2 and I'm still looking for support. Got on my knees and asked for help and called my son and I'm crying again. Afraid the comfort meds are a crutch but I havent taken an oxy since thurs. PLEASE HELP feeling so alone.  

[laurel453]

you will know when you are in wds, that's for sure so for now, if you are feeling ok , try to relax...  watch some comedy to make you laugh or go for a walk or just something that will keep your mind busy... the more we think, most of the times, the more we worry...you will be ok, sharon and you are not alone.

[Sharon0255]

I'm taking the minerals and the V also stuff for restless legs and Valerian I don't think I'm in withdrawal yet am I it's been about 20 hours sins my last oxy. ???