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wow day 9

I am feeling pretty good today. I actually did my taxes yesterday all by myself at home. Did not go pay Jackson Hewitt or h&r block $500 to do them yay me. I took absolutely nothing for sleep last night. No valium, no melatonin, and no valerian root. I think I layer down at like 1030pm and I did not wake up until 615am. WOW WOW WOW!!!!!! Is all I can say. I still feel really exhausted though but at least I got some sleep. My anexiety is still pretty bad and that craving is still super strong. I don't know why but it seems like the more sober I get the more I want a pill. I think it's because my addiction part of my brain is telling me that I can get real high righ now because I have been clean for so long. Pills are one hell of a drug. Please everyone continue to pray for me for whatever reason I feel like these days are very crucial. Yeah the first few days of withdrawals were crucial too cause you just didn't want to be sick, but now it's like you want to be high. Please am I stupid or does anyone out there relate to me.
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7163794 tn?1457366813
Definatly not stupid....absolutly correct! Getting clean is the easy part, STAYING CLEAN is the hard part. Again though.....this is where aftercare comes in....it will help with the cravings, anxiety, etc....
BOOOOOO.....taxes!!!! :)
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Avatar universal
Everyone here who was addicted knows exactly what you're going through.  The first few days while you feel horrible it's very easy to feel like you'll never take another pill.  Then you start feeling better and think, "hey since I'm no longer addicted I can have a few" etc.  It's just the addiction talking.  As more and more time goes by those thoughts will come less frequently and you'll get better at shunting them aside when they do.  For now you really have to be vigilant about letting your mind wander down the wrong path.
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11318065 tn?1462984479
Congrats on Day 9!!!!   And congrats on the taxes!!!  I always do mine by myself too....just always seemed easier!  You should be proud of yourself!  You have come so far!!!  Keep fighting those cravings!  It is hard to do sometimes but you just have to keep your mind on other things!  Once you get to the meeting on Wednesday night youll hear things that will help you fight it!!!  I still think about being high....not every day anymore but it seems to come at the strangest times!  Thankfully I have no access to them though and to get any would take a lot of days of manipulating to get them.  By that time the craving is way gone and life just goes on!  Have you checked out meetings online?  AA has quite a few of them and I could only find 1 for NA at 10pm every night.  But if you are up at 10 then it might be worth checking out!!!  Here is the AA site   http://www.aaonline.net/  and here is the NA site    http://na-recovery.org/Narcotics_Anonymous_Recovery_Chat_Online_Meeting_Home.html   They might be helpful for you since you only have one night a week that you can go to a meeting!  Keep hanging in there!!!
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Avatar universal
Do all Ameeicans have to do their own taxes?

In England the government take your taxes directly out of your wages before you get them....its called PAYE (Pay As You Earn). The only exception being people who are self employed..

A bit off topic I know but its something I've always wondered.

Well done for being on day 9 by the way...that's excellent!!
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Avatar universal
Congrats on day 9!! I'm on day 6 and am jonesing today!  I think someone said it in an earlier post that it's easy to not want a pill when you're going through the horrible w/d's but now that you feel better, you think "why not?"

I think the same thing too, that I've been clean for 6 days now so if I did take anything, I could get high on less - it's terrible, but you're not alone in your thinking.

My husband and I have been getting along better for the last few days because I'm not so on edge and crabby and that's what I try to keep thinking about.  Hang in there - you're doing awesome!!
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