As I just wrote in the prior post, your problem is far, far greater than 'kicking the withdrawal symptoms'. A couple things you need to realize... first, NO addict takes the opiates 'to get really high'-- except for maybe the first couple weeks. From then on, it is ONLY to feel 'normal' or to feel a bit less sick. NOBODY has fun being an opiate addict! That feeling that you are different from the other addicts-- i.e. you are somehow more 'in control' or are somehow using less than they are-- is one of the things that causes blocks to treatment. Another thing is that the 'panic attacks and high crazy anxiety' are not anything other than plain old withdrawal-- another block to 'getting it' in treatment, that you need drugs as part of 'self-treatment' of anxiety or depression. Go through good, long treatment and those symptoms will be gone. Finally, you really need to get clean, and doing so means giving up ALL intoxicants-- including the ones that are used rarely. For reasons that get long and complicated, it is generally impossible to enjoy solid, happy recovery while using an addictive substance other than one's drug of choice.
I recommend finding a treatment center in the phone book or by asking your personal doc, and asking where they do their 'detox'-- and spending whatever money you have left to get treatment. Give it your all-- meaning go with a mind that is OPEN, and a willingness to listen and change. Some people make the mistake of thinking of treatment as if it is 'education'-- 'i will be the same person, but without the using'-- but that never works. The goal with successful treatment is to become a new person-- one who is more tolerant and who has new ways of seeing the world. For example, a person who is actively using is in NO position to determine whether a person is 'verbally abusive'-- it is very maddening for others to work with addicts! If you can get your head around THAT, then you will start to understand what treatment is all about.
My gosh you and i are the same. Boy does it suck . i wish i could trade places at times with others.