This is the first time you have written to me in the Expert Forum, so I will give you my opinion. You seem to be able to get clean, but not to stay clean for long. I am a big believer in post withdrawal long term Naltrexone therapy. This is what we practice in our clinic. Our goal is initiation of long-term Naltrexone therapy, which will guard you from physical cravings and enable you to participate in viable talk therapy which can actually produce result without the constant pull of opiates. Because Naltrexone induces withdrawals if you are not completely clean and opiate free, we initiate that therapy under sedation, so that the bulk of the acute withdrawals happens while you are asleep.
However, if you happen to be clean of all opiate - including, of course, Suboxone, you can just get a shot of Vivitrol. Vivitrol is - injectable Naltrexone that is slowly release into your system over a month period. It allows your brain to heal and slowly restructure itself back to its original pristine condition. It will also let your psyche to become used to being sober and clean as a "new normal". Talk to your doctor about it. If your physician does not prescibe it, go on Vivitrol.com site to find a doctor who does in your area. It is usually completely covered by insurance.
I have written several blogs on this exact matter. You can reach them by clicking on my name and than following that to blogs.
It would be a very good decision for you to get on a long term Naltrexone therapy by getting a Vivitrol shot for at least six months if not longer. Good luck to you.
It sounds like you have the right attitude, and a desire to get clean, but know that you cannot do it alone. I think that joining AA or NA would be a great idea because you need the support and understanding of others like you. I haven't had a drink in 9 years, and this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't joined AA and figured out the reasons why I drank. Also, because you have been using for a long time, you need to connect with your GP to figure out a treatment plan. I am a chronic pain patient who has been tapering off of pain meds for the last year, and I could not have gotten as far as I have without the support and knowledge of my doctor.
It is not a comfortable, easy, or pleasant experience, and I think that replacing opiates with Suboxone just replaces one problem with another (that's just me, though -- I don't know your story). You need an intensive plan, support, and maybe even treatment and/or detox if you can access it.
You can detox and/or taper at home with the support of your doctor, but lasting sobriety is a result of figuring out the reasons why you started in the first place. If you google AA or NA, you can find a number to call and they will help you get to a meeting, and others will do their best to support you.
Best of luck -- you deserve freedom from this addiction.
Honestly getting off the subs are harder than getting off opiates, however it can be done. If you are 100 percent commutes and ready it won't be as hard as you are thinking. The mind is a powerful thing and once you have made up your mind anything in life is possible. Good luck to you , I was in 2.5 strips a day for 2 plus years and quit cold turkey, hardest thing I've ever done but living life sober. You got this