Avatar universal

I am starting to look at adopting

I am a Transwoman looking to adopt specifically a LGBTQIA child, sorry since I am Trans* I think that helping a child who has a less of a chance of getting adopted than others is important to me.  I am just starting to look into this and was wanting some pointers.  I am not positive about adopting in the next year or two, but would like to do so in the next 5 years.  Mainly I am looking for information right now.  
9 Responses
480448 tn?1426948538
Hello and welcome!

I'm happy for you that you're considering adoption, how wonderful!  Do you have a partner?

I found a link that is a good starting place for you, as a standard adoption agency wouldn't be as familiar with any legalities or special considerations in your situation:


It looks like the site offers a good bit of info, and it looks like you can request more information as well.  It's good to approach adoption gradually, learning as much as you can about it before actually making the jump into committing yourself to the process.  Because yours would be a little less traditional, it's even more important to do your homework, be prepared, and know any hurdles you may come up against.

Never discount the benefit of talking with professionals too, like a family therapist, to get more information and discuss any concerns or fears you may have.  It's a big decision.  Anyone considering an adoption should talk with a professional IMO.

Very best to you, please keep us updated, okay?
Avatar universal
Thank you for the info, it looks pretty good.  Right now I am mainly researching, I figure, right now at least, I am thinking after I have my surgeries.  I do not have a partner at this time, but you never know what the future holds.  It is interesting, after starting on this path the urge to have children grew from an annoyance to pretty good, I guess that is what happens when you are looking at loosing your ability to have your own children.  I also found these, but they look more regional:

http://www.mareinc.org/Adoption-LGBT%20Parents.html Says there are LGBT youth waiting for adoption

Also has LGBT youth for adoption

Also has LGBT youth for adoption

But like I said they seem regional.  :-(  And the state I live in (Middle of nowhere Nebraska) doesn't even adopt to LGBT couples.  :-(  So any other resources I love.  :-)  TY for the info you gave me it helps quite a bit.  :-)

Sorry about taking so long to respond.  I am VERY good with my trackers and journals, but not so good at checking my home pager.
480448 tn?1426948538
Hey again!  Nice to hear back from you!

I'm just curious about this statement you made:

"It is interesting, after starting on this path the urge to have children grew from an annoyance to pretty good, I guess that is what happens when you are looking at loosing your ability to have your own children."

I don't quite understand, are you setting out on this path because of a strong desire to have children, or is it somehow related to your physiological ability to have a child?

Obviously, the decision to embark on parenthood is a big one.  It's an amazing gift and a joy, but also a LOT of work and of course a lifelong commitment.  I just want to make sure that you're considering this for the right reasons, not because it's something you feel you MUST do, or anything like that.

Please understand that I mean NO disrespect with any of my comments, I just wanted to address that statement you made, as I couldn't fully understand what you meant.  

Looking forward to hearing back from you.  When is your surgery planned for?  Do you have a good support system among your friends and family?
Avatar universal
This summer I finally stopped hiding and denying everything about myself, kinda don't have much of a choice when you get to where I was.  So I started accepting myself and started down the path I had be rejecting my whole life.  The path of being who I am, a pansexual transwoman.  :-)  I have just started the second step, I am on HRT.  One of the things most don't realize is long term HRT even with out an orchi or GCS will destroy your chance for children even if you stop the HRT.  It really was a big thing with me.  I had wanted to have children for so long, but there were issues with my feelings about certain parts of my body.  So I never did.  And after long thinking, lots and lots of thinking as part of desciding to go on step two I realized I would not want to pass on my genetics, I don't have good ones at all.  So a friend recommended LGBTQIA children, and then I saw a transwoman on yourholidaymom.com and that really brought it to life an helped me decide that in the future that would be the best step for me.

  I have not scheduled anything yet, I just started HRT and am planning in 2 to 3 years to have GCS, FFS, and perhaps VFS a little sooner.  I don't take offense to anything you asked, although some I know have gone off people asking when their surgery is planned, but I understand you are simply being caring and considerate.  

My family has been AWESOME.  Unfortunately my mom is no loner with us, but she looks over us, along with my Grandma who raised me.  And almost all of my friends have also been overwhelming an accepting with only a few "friends" leaving or making remarks.  TY for your response and interest, and if you are like me, don't worry about the question, honest I took no offense.  :-)
480448 tn?1426948538
Your post was very touching.  I tell you what, I give you all the credit in the world for facing something so huge and so scary.  I'm sure it was very difficult, yet liberating.  I'm so glad to hear you have a great support system.  Your comments about children/childbirth make perfect sense.  I'm glad I asked, and I'm even more glad you weren't offended.

You're in my prayers.  I hope all of your dreams come true.  Please keep us posted!  I would also love to follow along on your journey, I think it would be great to journal your process, your rebirth, so to speak.  The good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing.

480448 tn?1426948538
"I don't take offense to anything you asked, although some I know have gone off people asking when their surgery is planned, but I understand you are simply being caring and considerate. "  

I wanted to comment on this.  This certainly isn't an easy topic to discuss, for either party.  I can understand how some would react in certain ways.  I'm glad you're open to questions and discussions.  People will never learn tolerance and how to be informed if things aren't talked about, is how I look at it.  I admit I know very little (okay, next to zip) about the process, but I know I would find it very interesting to learn about, and I really have so much respect for the level of bravery that has to be present to embark on such a journey.  Very few people would ever be comfortable having that much self awareness and introspection.  

But anyway, I just wanted to add, from my side of the fence, that I understand the knee jerk reaction, as I'm sure many people are less than kind and less than accepting.  Hopefully people keep talking, even through the tension and awkwardness.

I'm really glad you came to MH!  :0)
Avatar universal
The worst thing is when random people inquire what we have down there after they learn you are Trans*.  You look at them and depending on their tone you say something like "I did not ask about your genitals, please don't ask about mine."  If they are nice you might say "I am sorry I'd prefer not to discuss that." and if they are REAL nice or a friend you might say "I am in transition", and if they are seeming to be very close/part of your support group you might say "I am pre/post-(whatever you are(HRT, GCS, etc...)".  

But generally we don't want to talk about our genitals, secondary sexual characteristics anymore than a cis person. Between that and being anyone out of the gender binary means we are usually being viewed as a sex object, assaulted, raped, beaten, even killed (I live 30 miles from where Brandon Teena was killed) way more common than cis people we are VERY CAUTIOUS.   I have seen some go OFF for being asked, like ranting and raving mad go off.  I was raised to be polite to everyone so I stuff my anger, thus my other problems.  I usually ignore the question or use the "they are a nice person answer" unless I can see they are being genuinely very nice, concerned, or are not a threat to use the answer against me.

I do agree we need an open dialog, so much, the only problem with an open dialog that is more than anonymous is the chances of societal backlash both physical and mental.  I think that is why so many Transwomen and Transmen I know want to and eventually do go stealth (undetectable to a normal cis individual), quite a few even leaving the Trans* community just so they do not have to worry about those problems anymore.  Even I am very cautious.  But I also believe in being a nice, helpful person.  Even I want to go stealth, I won't leave the Trans* groups, but I want to be just another woman in the crowd.  
480448 tn?1426948538
That all makes perfect sense.  I guess the questions come from more of a curiosity place more than anything, and I know I wouldn't have necessarily gave all of those factors any consideration.  

I could never understand the emotions that are dealt with, but what I WOULD encourage you, or anyone else in your position to do in those situations, is do what you did here with me, to kindly and simply explain it, rather than react and get angry (not speaking about you).  All I'm saying is that many people wouldn't even realize that asking such questions would cause such a deep and passionate reaction, even though it makes sense.

It would be great if some day we'd have complete tolerance and understanding, wouldn't it?

Keep us updated on any adoption news, okay?  
Avatar universal
And just to be sure, I am not saying I feel what you asked is the same as asking about genitals.  I am talking about the fairly blatant genitals questions.

I will, it is going to be a while as  have lots of information to digest and lots of other things to do.

Thank You VERY much.  :-)

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