Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Does life revovle around the alcoholic spouse?

My husband (Active Duty Military) is currently at an inpatient rehab facility. He's on day 7 on a 28 day program. It was recommended (mandated) that he attend rehab by his Chain of Command. I don't think he's an alcoholic. I think he is a victim of circumstance. Long story short, I am ANGRY. Angry at him for leaving. I desperately want to believe that he is getting help from an addiction that I was apparently blind to and have hope for him, but I feel like I was blindsided. Our family is venturing into a homesteading lifestyle, we need to rely and depend on each other. Now, he's going to have to attend meetings (more time away from family), confide in a stranger (he's newfound sponsor) and not his wife... because apparently I have no idea what he's going through. I am left with 3 kids (5 and under), with no resources, no counseling, no nothing! I can handle a year deployment.... there's resources and help to cope with that! But this? He calls me and "warns" me that this recovery is a lifetime commitment... I'm worried. Do I also have to give up alcohol because now he thinks he has a disease? I am so lost. I don't know what to think or what kind of help to ask for. I hate feeling lost... and all I feel is anger and I know that is not healthy.
2 Responses
Avatar universal
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with this situation.  You've got a lot of questions that deserve answers and you should be able to sit down and talk this out with him.  On the short end, in regards to you stopping drinking...  I'd suggest you do in order to be supportive.  I think it would go a long way to saying that you are in complete support and you want to actively participate in his recovery, sobriety and have a healthy life with the man you want.

Recovery is a life time commitment.  It just doesn't happen in a day, week or month.  What happens is one learns how to cope with the addiction and is taught tools to help cope.  For an addict, the addiction is always right there, hiding right around the corner.  It is something that most addicts have to fight every single day.... for others, the fight isn't nearly as rough.

As for getting help for yourself, Al-Anon does wonders teaching loved ones of addicts on how to cope and teaches you better to understand what your loved one is going through.  

You mentioned that "all I feel is anger".  I don't think that is selfish.  There is a lot you don't understand and that is enough to make anyone angry. I'd be a little angry too.  I can tell that you feel a bit abandoned or alone in this as well.  I understand that too, but there is help out there for you.  Al-Anon is one option and there are others, but the help you get will better prepare you for the long battle with him, dealing with addiction.

I don't want to direct attention away from you, because you are the one reaching out, but I'd like for you to try to imagine what he is going through.  He is probably angry because he feels like he is letting you down, the kids down, other family down plus letting himself down.  Who knows what emotions are running through his mind....

Strong couples find ways to work through things and this is something you guys can accomplish together.

Peace
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Your anger is coming from the fear of the unknown right now.  I would hope they will have family time at the treatment facility where your husband is at.  I know it feels like you are being shut out right now so while your husband is gone take this time to educate yourself on addiction.  Having the support of a loved one is a huge plus for both of you.  You spoke of what you can handle such as deployment.  You can handle that as you know what is all involved with that.  Addiction can be the same way.  Alcohol tears families apart, recovery puts them back together again.  Keep posting here as we are here to help you~
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Alcoholic, Living with an Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.