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Am I an alcoholic?


I've been ill for years now without explanation, and so I result to alcohol and benzo usage to cope. I used to drink only three nights a week, and probably average about 5 drinks a night on those nights. That was when I was 21. I'm now 24 and I drink a bottle of wine a night and on top of that I take 20mg of valium a day. I'm interested in getting free of all of this **** but a) I think I drink and take pills more to escape physical distress that doctors cannot find the root of and b) I don't have the money or time to go to rehab.

Is there anyone else out there who is dealing with this? I know I'm drinking way too much and am destroying my liver, but I guess I'm doing what I have to to get by. I work full time and am a screenwriter as a well, so my days are pretty preoccupied.

Any recovering alcoholics, I'd love to hear some of your thoughts. How much were you drinking at your worst? What did you do to recover?

I know I'm still young, but I feel like I'm inhabiting the body of an 86 year old.

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I started drinking to get drunk at age 14.There was a lot of alcoholism in my family,and I thought it normal to have the high tolerance I did.Pot smoking daily came at 17.Cocaine,LSD and other drugs came as well,but my 3 Musketeers were the alcohol,pot,and cocaine.I eventually(14 years later) got tired of drunk driving,blackouts,telling myself I could control my drinking...only to end up failing at that.My choice of friends became poor,and they drank/used as much as I did or worse.I would also use Valium.The withdrawal from that was agonizing,and I detoxed myself before I decided to go to a 28 day program in 1983.I could've died from that Valium/alcohol withdrawal.I'm 63 now.I'm so glad I went to detox/rehab.I did go to a variety of 12 Step programs and Rational Recovery support groups.I stuck with people who walked what they talked,and didn't head to a bar after a meeting.I changed my circle of friends.You say you don't have money to go to rehab.In your county of residence are outpatient substance abuse clinics that receive state funding to provide services at a reasonable fee or none if you're income eligible .What have  you got to lose by just making an appointment and honestly talking to someone @ your issues?
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