I feel so crazy when I'm sober, my thoughts rush and my emotion changes more rapidly than ever!! Due to discovering that alcohol may have damaged my physical health, I've become desperate to overcome,understand and resolve every issue possible in order to cope confidently sober. I'm an all or nothing person, and need to throw myself into this because I sure don't want the shame of becoming physically ill via alcohol.
I've lost a ridiculous amount of memory, and sure don't feel like a 39 year old - am behaving like a child expressing either explosive excitement or fear which (unfairly) happens when I'm out it public, after conquering severe agoraphobia. So much is new and different.
I ask in particular if heightened senses calm down?? As I've just concluded it's the effects of the reduction of alcohol that has caused me to go crazy. When possible I've talked out my concerns to close friends - I recognize that I would feel better about myself if I didn't depend on others so much to make me feel okay about myself. In an uncomfortable sentence I've learnt that I am angry towards my family... for one, my conservative vulnerable nature has lead to members taking advantage. The reverse psychology from my *** went on to the point of clearly taking the pi** . Neglect came as a result of a narrow mind and absolutely no other point of view in way of thinking. My adoption was a chore which ruined their life; I have turned out - beyond their understanding, despite their sacrifice and wasted hard work e.t.c. - TURNED OUT ??? Wrong 'taps' the unpublished word. I feel so guilty - NOT ANY MORE!! Need to end there. Beanie0