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1238036 tn?1457315447

Any Advice would be Appreciated to help CLARIFY so I don't feel so CRAZY!

I feel so crazy when I'm sober, my thoughts rush and my emotion changes more rapidly than ever!!  Due to discovering  that alcohol may have damaged my physical health, I've become desperate to overcome,understand and resolve every issue possible in order to cope confidently sober.  I'm an all or nothing person, and need to throw myself into this because I sure don't want the shame of becoming physically ill via alcohol.
I've lost a ridiculous amount of memory, and sure don't feel like a 39 year old - am behaving like a child expressing either explosive excitement or fear which (unfairly) happens when I'm out it public, after conquering severe agoraphobia.  So much is new and different.
I ask in particular if heightened senses calm down??  As I've just concluded it's the effects of the reduction of alcohol that has caused me to go crazy.  When possible I've talked out my concerns to close friends - I recognize that I would feel better about myself if I didn't depend on others so much to make me feel okay about myself.  In an uncomfortable sentence I've learnt that I am angry towards my family... for one, my conservative vulnerable nature has lead to members taking advantage.  The reverse psychology from my *** went on to the point of clearly taking the pi** .  Neglect came as a result of a narrow mind and absolutely no other point of view in way of thinking.  My adoption was a chore which ruined their life; I have turned out - beyond their understanding, despite their sacrifice and wasted hard work e.t.c. - TURNED OUT ??? Wrong 'taps' the unpublished word.  I feel so guilty - NOT ANY MORE!!  Need to end there.  Beanie0
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Avatar universal
Don't be so hard on yourself. I think as addicts, whether it be alcohol or drugs, we all feel the need to be perfect. I think that's half of what gets us to where we are. I was totally abused every which way you could think of growing up, my mother died when I was two...so it all takes it's toll on us. But I've come to realize through many years of therapy, that it's not my fault. But I still blame myself and still try to stay high 24/7.  I cry at the drop of a hat, and I still want to drop. But keep posting here, there are a lot of good people that can help you. I am 4 days clean today. Hang in there honey!
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Avatar universal
hang in and hang on.  Calming the thoughts in ones head can be a challenge for sure. Meditation  can help  I also try to give something a certain amount of time to think about what's bothering me and then put it away in my head for the rest of that day knowing if I need to I can think about it tomorrow for a time  kinda like I put it in a box and take it back out if needed.  Be kind to yourself stopping drinking and staying stopped is hard but the long term rewards are so worth it. Your body is trying to get well things will calm down in TIME.   There's so much help in going to AA and talking and getting it out. Easy but not simple. Just remember one thing everyday you don't drink is a day to be PROUD of yourself...
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