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Blackout and Worry

I'm a recovering alcoholic. Recently I had an awful experience. I drank a lot of wine at a party and after bar crawl. I remember most of the night but it's clear if wasn't completely in control. I made irrational decisions and ended up in a hotel room with a stranger. It was around 4am. I remember most of the rest (or so I think). We were naked and fooling around. Eventually fell asleep and had no sex (this is how I remember it) though I don't actually remember saying I was going to sleep. I hope up early and easily at 830am. Do you think I could've blacked out in that short amount of time? Would I have woken up so easily? I want to put this type of life behind me. Alcohol brings nothing good to me.  
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7052683 tn?1392938795
Congratulations, ExPat, on FIVE years!!!
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6811971 tn?1385557755
Yes, welcome to the forum! I agree with all of the responses here. There is so much support for you. Start the clock ticking again and stay on track. I've got five years in and counting. What prevented me from relapsing is the supports I have in place. Before I reach for a drink, I take personal inventory of why I quit and what my life was life with booze. I also made a promise to myself to phone a helpline, a friend, as well as get to an AA meeting. I haven't had to go in a long time. However, I will if I have to. Now that you know what can happen when you relapse, think about that as part of your "inventory" the next time you want to drink. Plus, there is plenty of help on this forum so keep posting! We're here for you and you can do this!
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Welcome here dear!LOVE your responses!i so agree!lets see/read more of you here!
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Avatar universal
WOW. 27 years. That's really inspiring. This cycle is so hurtful and draining. Thank you for coming into my life to give me hope that I can do it to!! I wish you many many many more happy years as well!
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7052683 tn?1392938795
You have the right attitude to succeed at sobriety. Most recovering alcoholics re lapse many times before they get it right. Do not be so hard on yourself, just wanted you to know you can not claim sobriety if you have a drink once in a while--that drink starts the cycle all over. You can never have just ONE!!!

I am a recovering alcoholic of 27 years, that is why I am so frank and tough--I know you can do this!!!!!

My best to you!
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Avatar universal
You are SO right. I also appreciate your blunt honesty. The first I've received on this site. This experience woke me up to that fact. I've relapsed before but this was my first after a long string of being sober. I'm REALLY disappointed in myself for so many reasons but I'm going to pick myself up, pray and meditate, and find my way back onto the right track. This may have been a MAJOR **** up but it's not the end of me. Thank you
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7052683 tn?1392938795
Hi WSB,

Correction you are no longer a recovering alcoholic. This is a relapse that starts the clock all over from 0. Alcoholics who wish to stop drinking and live a sober life do not have that choice of drinking "from time to time".

Wondering weather you technically blacked -out, got drunk, better  than the last time, sobered up faster than the last time--yada, yada , is all meaningless. YOU ARE STILL DRINKING. An alcoholic can NEVER drink again once they stop--alcohol sets off the genetic NEED for more. Once you have that first drink you are back to being an alcoholic. Sorry, that is the way it goes. Life ***** , but it ***** more for you if you are a drunk.

Forgive me if that is too honest for you, but you seem to think you deserve an out because you just went to sleep drunk, and did not have a black out.
Doesn't work that way.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your response! I agree I'm lucky that I made it out safely and this will definitely end my temptations to relapse. As I think back to the night, I remember getting sleepy while watching something on television. I'm hoping that's a good sign that I fell asleep rather than blacked out. When I've blacked out in the past, I also usually wake up around vomit and late into the afternoon- hoping that's another good sign. I hate how I have to rationalize this situation.
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Avatar universal
It's great that you realize the devastating effects alcohol has your life... You got lucky that you were able to hop up & walk out of the hotel room... (some people aren't so lucky)
Your title states that you are a recovering alcoholic??
Are you attending meetings and stuff??
I wish you the best and hate that you relapsed but just pick yourself up, dust off and start over...
(and yes, its quite possible that you blacked/passed out)
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Avatar universal
*i woke up early
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