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Can you relate?

I need to quit alcohol for good but it's just such a struggle. I feel so proud of myself when I don't drink. I feel the energy, I am a better Mom, I feel productive. It feels like a glimpse of what I used to be 10 years ago when I drank only very little or when I was very young not drinking at all and was able to get excited about little things in life. I get so determined and it feels easy for a couple of weeks. I feel like I can go forever without a glass of wine. Then I have one and the whole world just falls apart. I feel guilty but the wine kicks in and I'm happy, for a moment. Next day I feel terribly sick because of the repeating pattern of binges. My husband tells not to be so hard on myself that it's ok but I know it's hurting me badly at this point, physically and emotionally. Been drinking 5-8 glasses of wine daily for years. I don't think it's ok to even have that one night every other 2-3 weeks with wine. I beg for strength. I don't crave the taste but I do crave the effect sometimes. It is just not worth it. The price has become too much. It takes me up to a week to get back to somewhat normal after one evening with wine. The aftermath is horrible. I am going to try my hardest again. Can anyone relate?
Thank you for listening..
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Avatar universal
That's great news bignige2 !!  Attending a party (and dancing too) is a real temptation and can be a downfall for many who are new in recovery.

I'm very proud of You and happy for You.

One can feel 'high' on being fit and healthy on feeling they are doing the right thing for themselves and for those who love them.

Helpful - 1
3060903 tn?1398565123
Keep up the good work you two. AugustRose, and BigNige2.
You both are inspirations to me. That I know.
Liz
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Avatar universal
Well done August Rose!!

Let's keep in touch and keep focused!!!
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Avatar universal
Made it past 40 days, it seems surreal. Been blowing off AA meetings. It just makes me anxious when I'm supposed to talk in front of people, maybe in time but for now it's not what I want to do. Keeping busy and staying sober. Thinking of you all.
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Avatar universal
Thanks. Was out and about yesterday and I think a large part of my problem is associating alcohol with certain activities - that is what starts me back drinking - habit.

I have my own business and work from home and had to go out yesterday on business in the area that there is a pub that I used to go to when in the past I called on the same client.

I actually drove into the pub car park - thinking 'I wonder if I could just have one drink? See if I can do it'. Got out the car and headed to the pub door - got half way there and suddenly thought of how my partner would be when I got home smelling alcohol on me - she is so proud of me stopping for over 2 months now - so, I turned, got back in the car, and headed home.

Still sober - fought off another temptation...!!

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Avatar universal
Quiet on here. Is everyone OK?
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Avatar universal
Thanks August Rose and Night Hawk. If we all support each other and be honest with each other we will get through. At the weekend I went to a relative's 50th wedding party. Didn't touch a drop, danced (without any alcohol fuelling the decision!) with my two left feet and woke next day feeling great - and nobody telling me I had made a fool of myself - and being able to remember the whole evening!! It can be done.
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Avatar universal
Bignige, you just put everything into perspective. You hang in there and take care of your loved ones. I'll do the same. And no matter how much it would be tempting to take the edge of by a drink or whatever else let's stay sober. That's the only way we can take care of others, when we take care of ourselves. :-)
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Avatar universal
Liz, that's amazing! 27lb!! I've been pretty skinny my whole life so I'm not worried too much about putting on weight but cutting out the junk food is definitely a challenge now. Going strong though:-) Sending you love and hugs.
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Avatar universal
August rose u r an inspiration too and I will not succumb. I have a special needs son and a partner with stage 4 cancer both of whom rely on me.
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Avatar universal
You inspire me too. Everything you're doing with exercising and staying away from drinking. Please don't spoil it
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Avatar universal
Just think how horrible you'd feel the morning after, everything you've done the past 2 months wasted because it wouldn't just be one drink, it never ever is.
It's not worth the little fake high to throw away what you've accomplished. Hang in there
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Avatar universal
Been 2 months now and not a drop has passed my lips - but for some reason today I really really fancied a drink! But did not succumb and went to the gym and home for a bath!
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3060903 tn?1398565123
Hey girl, i turned myself into a vegetarian less than a month ago and have lost 27lbs. I couldn't believe the scales when i saw the numbers. So i know i'm a bit of a one trick pony these days. lol

I'm so glad that you have your Tuesday night meetings, and pray that you feel more comfortable each time you go. You're doing great!!

It''s a pleasure being your friend and i'll always be here to support you.
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Avatar universal
Once a week I go to a closed women's meeting, it's only been twice at this point. I need a few more times to start feeling comfortable there..
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Avatar universal
I appreciate all the advise. You are incredible!!! :-) I have no doubt that I have a very addictive personality. Before my marriage and alcohol there were other things but I was able to pull away. I have been working towards getting fit and get the nutrition right but I feel like my body's been used to high levels of sugar from the alcohol that it's freaking out without it so I've let it slide a bit with sweet treats here and there.. I'm going to stop waiting and start pushing myself everyday and maybe create a healthy addiction for once:-). Thank you all for your support, it's been unbelievably helpful. I can never thank you enough!
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
PS i'm not suggesting that you are overweight i'm just saying a natural shift into your physiology being a priority (IF it isn't already) could be the thing that fulfuls all your needs and wants. You've gained your life back from quitting drinking, and by letting your true health become the offspring of that; , by getting into superior fitness and nutrition right now, you;ll be engaging your body and your mind, and you won't have a lot of time to even consider what your missing or yearn for any part of what is your past.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Don't fear anything, not the holidays, not birthdays, nothin'
What you're doing is God's work, with the spirit world so close to you now,
you have the strength to walk by what was and behold what is..
You are stronger now than you've been in quite sometime,
though you of course feel weakness, in the whole of things you have already handled the hardest part and holiday drinking is now no longer your concern, you have much bigger things to sustain you, your bond with your child, in the past our kids have been waiting,
but not know, no longer do they need to "wait and see"
they are beginning to trust you, that young soul, and you can't let him down, you won't let him down.........

You've mentioned something very important to discuss right now. What often becomes the next stage of addiction, FOOD addiction. It comes on as a "sweet tooth" and if you're not really vigilant can turn into something very ugly and just as dangerous as alcoholism and fatty liver. It often turns into a river of spiking blood sugars that taxes your liver and your pancreas where insulin is produced and put out into your blood stream. This act is a silent development that we often let go in sobriety. Folks that go to Rehab centres are notorious for gaining 20 + lbs and many laugh at it. Family are just so happy to see that their loved ones are being nourished, that many don't recognize a shift into a food addiction. This is happening in many rehabs - while you're seeing an Addiction's Therapist for a month during your stay, often even the Rehab Counselors say nothing about what is obviously a switch from drugs/alcohol to food.

A jump into health right now is an incredibly good suggestion. For the reasons above. To work off any "extras" we tell ourselves (now) that we have earned (by our sobriety). When we were drinking, if was often a priority over eating, and all of a sudden we start to enjoy food ; appreciate food, more than before when we were drinking. For many, it becomes a huge problem (it was for myself.) .

So i'll share some of what i'm learning about diet from a book called The End of Diabetes.

"Fasting also has a powerful effect on improving liver function. This benefit is not limited to the fasting period but continues after the fast. Medical studies have tested the ability of the therapeutic fast to improve conditions such as alcoholic liver injury, damage from fatty liver, and drug induced liver injury.  Dramatic improvements were consistently reported. 1. Fasting is a very valuable treatment for psychological disorders. There are hundreds of journal articles in the medical literature documenting the value of fasting in improving the function of the entire body including the brain. Fasting has been repeatedly observed to alleviate neurosis, anxiety and depression.

When the beneficial effects of the therapeutic fast were investigated with various research parameters measuring organ function, it was found repeatedly that substantial improvements are seen in the autonomic nervous system; endocrine system, and adrenal function after the fast.

So GO YOUR OWN WAY, and don't look at others that are doing their own thing, with over indulging in whatever it might be, and believe me, i thoroughly understand how hard it is for you to watch your husband still drink to excess. It's AMAZING that you have found the path that will lead you away from others that are harming themselves. Your strength will hold you above peer pressure and bad examples. You can call this strength and  find this strength by holding on to the 12 step program and meetings and hopefully some specific people that you can relate to.

I'm not necessarily challenging you to a  fast ; but with the results of the studies that are out there, i'm challenging you to know the facts about your physiology. That in itself will be like a built in reminder how to handle your addictive nature when it comes to food. I think that in order to help quit the drinking, it would actually help to look right now at the big picture of your health, as well as your habits. I've always said that an alcoholic without alcohol polluting their minds, that are coming out of the fog and seeing clearly for the first time, are the perfect candidates to go back to school , learn so much more obviously than they would have had they still been polluting their bodies and their minds.

I know that learning about physiology and becoming hyper aware of what's going in our bodies, ut fuels a natural progression into incorporating a nutrition and exercise program that will completely changes our position, from what was weakness to what will appear to be superhuman strength. And it will all come from within. It's all free to take.

Sounds a heap better than sitting on our hands, and watching with wanting, those that over drink and over eat on the holidays.

Please get to your meeting Tuesday night, try to reach out and find yourself a friend or friends that have very high octane programs for living. If they're into group exercise meetings, better yet. If not, maybe you'll be the one arranging for friends to meet and walk around an art crawl happening in your city. The world is your oyster AugustRose.

You are at the beginning of what will be the best years of your life , as a human being, and as a mother. I promise you this. Just stay tough friend. Never give in. Never go back. Never surrender.

If you're willing to read a bit, once you do, and set yourself up not just to lose something (drinking) but to gain superior health nutritionally and physically, you will literally be feeling sorry for those pathetic souls that are wasting their time, and their  alcoholic livers. Once you begin to GAIN good habits, and not just be a person losing a bad habit, you will have made a shift to permanent long term health and strength.

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Avatar universal
Exactly as I have felt - but things are now improving. Headaches are less frequent and I am not as tired.

I have joined a gym and that takes my mind off things - got a personal trainer and following a training plan helps - and I have a goal - to run a half marathon for charity. Already signed up with the charity so no going back!

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COMMUNITY LEADER
What u are going thru is normal.Imagine that your brain is a giant sponge!All the cells/tissue have absorbed the alcohol u've consumed.When u stop drinking,its like  the sponge is wringing itself out.....S-L-O-W-L-Y!I've felt what you're feeling and i know it stinks but it passes.Ah yes,THAT sweet tooth!Too much caffeine,and too much sweet can cause the blood sugar to peak...then crash...so lots of water,juices,fresh fruits,vegetables and moderate amounts of lean protein do help.Who is your support system?Are u still attending the closed group u mentioned?
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Avatar universal
I'm still feeling lousy. Waiting for that one day when you get up and feel amazing but so far it's been on and off. A lot of fatigue, some headaches, annoying sweet tooth:-).. just pushing through it. At least it's not as horrible as the first few days after quitting. I fear the holidays.. Hang in there!!
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Avatar universal
Thank you Ibizan, you guys are amazing!
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Avatar universal
Good on ya!

I have not had a drink for 8 weeks now and felt blody awful - but these past couple of days I have felt really good - not as tired and not thinking as much about booze.

My next challenge is next week when I attend a family wedding anniversary where there will be a bar...hoping the way around any temptation is that I have agreed to do the driving!!
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Keep it going Rose!We've all been where you're at!And we're here for you!:)
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