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How can I stop?

I am 26 years old and an alcoholic.  Here is my story.  I first started drinking heavily when I was 19.  My boyfriend (18 at the time) had a friend of legal age who would get us those large bottles of Smirnoff vodka (is that half gallon or gallon?  I'm sure you know the ones I'm talking about any how).  We would go thru one of those large bottles in two days between the two of us.  This was in 2005 and went on til November 2006 when I found out I was pregnant.  Throughout the pregnancy I did not drink except maybe a margarita monthly at Chilis, however I was still drinking heavily BEFORE I found out I was pregnant.  My daughter was born in July 2007, healthy in every way thank God.  After she was born, my drinking DRASTICALLY slowed down, I would get drunk every other weekend, no more weekday drinking.  At this time, me, my boyfriend and daughter were living with my family (I was 22 at this point), we decided to get a place of our own.  After the move, I drank only when we had company over on the weekends.  In December 2008, I got laid off from work...still, my drinking was under control.  I'm not sure when it happened but the daily drinking started again (maybe a few months after being laid off).  I would go thru a fifth of vodka every two days (mixing the vodka with diet pepsi or just taking shots).  I would not start drinking before 7PM, but from the time I would wake up, I would be constantly thinking of that first drink.  This went on til early fall of 2010.  I had to move back in with my family with my daughter (me and the boyfriend split in January of that year).  I thought stopping so suddenly would kill me, but I was fine!  The reason I stopped was cause I didn't want my grandma to know I drank everyday.  When I went out with friends, I'd drink, but never at home.  I even recall going like a month without a sip of booze.  I started dating my new boyfriend (whom I'm with currently) in Nov. 2010...after about a month of dating, I'd go over on Saturday night for a night of drinking (together we'd polish off a fifth of Captain) and spend the night, but still, that was the only drinking I did.  In March of 2011, me and my daughter moved into our own place.  I was scared I'd start drinking daily again, but for about a month, I kept to my guns and only drank on Friday and/or Saturday.  I found out I was pregnant in May 2011...I wanted to get an abortion so I figured I'd continue drinking.  I remember puking my guts out but still drinking more (back to vodka at this point).  Come June, I decided I didn't want an abortion afterall.  So, I slowed the drinking down.  However, there were a few times I'd bring a fifth of vodka home and have a few shots.  Hell, I celebrated my babies ultrasound at 5 months by treating myself to a bottle of vodka because the scan showed her as healthy!  At about 5.5 or 6 months along, I did stop drinking hard liquor, I now would drink a bottle of moscato once a  week (I'd finish it in one night, but I had a bottle weekly).  My second daughter was born healthy and normal in January of 2012.  After she was born, I'd drink half a pint of vodka a few nights a week, this became half a pint PLUS two 'airplanes' (the little shot bottles).  Now, here I am today.  I have only taken THREE nights off from drinking in just under a year. 1.I was really sick, just slept all night, 2.I told myself I could go a night without drinking.  WORST night ever.  I was edgy, angry, couldn't sleep for ****. 3.It was Christmas day, I didn't get home til late and just wanted to sleep (woke up with a killer hangover that morning).  Currently, I go thru a fifth every two days (sometimes I have to make a trip to the liquor store for another bottle on the second day), now I start drinking at around 6PM.  For the past couple months, I have been blacking out when I'm getting ready for bed.  Some nights, I don't remember when I went to sleep, getting into bed, etc.  I have not had a normal bowel in months (up until about a week ago, it was just a brown slimy mess, not it is pea green and slimy), I am ALWAYS exhausted, just the past few weeks I've been having new symptoms:  neaseous ALL day, constantly gagging like I'm going to vomit, burping a lot, a strange sensation in the middle of my chest just below the ribcages (WHAT organ is there????).  Driving home, I get EXTREMELY anxious, like I can't wait to get that booze in me.  I would love to quit drinking, I just don't have the will power and I'm so scared of withdrawals.  I need to go in for a physical soon and am terrified the bloodwork will show something.  I take Xanax and Lexapro which we all know you are not supposed to drink on those meds, I'm so scared my doctor will stop giving me the medicine if he finds out I drink, let alone HOW much I drink.  A couple things, my dad is an alcoholic.  My boyfriend drinks a lot but if he doesn't have the money, he won't drink (in these cases, I buy it for him...yes, I'm an enabler) also, he can take breaks...I can't do that.  I am just so scared for my future, addiction is one of the worst things someone can go through.  
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Avatar universal
Healthy steps you can take to reduce your withdraw symptoms and mitigate the dangerous effects include...

Exercise

Whole Foods Diet rich in fresh vegetables and low in red meat and inflammatory substances such as sugar.

Morning Green Drinks (Spinach, Kale, fresh Italian Parsley, fresh Cilantro,  Cucumber, Apple, Ginger, Blueberry, Pea Protein) -Daily - all in one drink - detoxificant and anti-inflamitory

Supplements:

-Multi-Vitamin Mineral Complex

-Liposomal Glutathione [L-Glutathione] - Master antioxidant and supports liver directly

-Calcium D-Glucarate - One of the ways the body gets rid of toxins is through a process called conjugation. During conjugation, toxins are packaged into water soluble compounds called glucuronides. Glucuronides are meant to pass through the liver, to the bile, then to the gut where they are excreted. However, high levels of an enzyme called beta-glucuronide can inhibit this process. This enzyme separates toxins from their conjugate bond and allows them to be reabsorbed. This allows toxins to keep circulating in the body where they make you fat, tired, and weak. Calcium-d-glucarate prevents beta-glucuronide from disturbing this process.  It keeps the toxins bound inside a glucuronide which is then removed from the body.  

-Magnesium Threonate -has a high level of absorbability/bioavailability since it can penetrate the mitochondrial membrane.

-Tumeric Root [Curcummin] -Anti-Inflamitory

- B-Vitamin complex (Rich in Thiamin HCI) to replenish loss of B-vitamins and ensure proper CNS protection. Also helps protect against alcoholic peripheral neuropathy.


Neuro-Transmitter Supplements for neurological support during withdrawal periods:

-5-Hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) [Helps with depression and boosts serotonin production and elevate mood]

-GABA supplement (Helps reduce anxiety and mitigates GABA receptor overflow when withdrawal symptoms set in as the body has been accustomed to suppression of GABA receptors due to excessive alcohol consumption)

-Melatonin (Natural sleep aid helps reduce insomnia)

-Piracetam (Neuro-peptide has shown in studies to be beneficial in alcohol withdrawal and has near protective properties which help with oxidative stress)


ProBiotics and Pre-biotics:

Probiotic preferably refrigerated with at least 50 Billion (Helps to repopulate and rebalance your gut flora as alcohol destroys your microbial balance. These beneficial bacteria play important roles and also help to ensure the integrity of your GI tract.

Pre-Biotic Fiber such as Inulin (Feeds beneficial bacteria)

Alcohol damages and interferes with every cell in the body. It will over time throw the bodies homeostasis out of balance which leads to various diseases and ailments. The utilization of supplements and a whole foods diet will greatly reduce and help reverse the effects of alcohol. Having the right supplementation regiment and diet will ensure that cravings are curbed. When your body has all the nutrients and minerals it needs and is in a state of homeostasis you will not have the desire or urge to drink. Ensuring that you have the correct nutrition and balanced neurotransmitters the process of withdrawal will be greatly reduced in length and symptoms.

Former Alcoholic for 4 years, got up to drinking in the mornings through the day and finishing a bottle of hard liquor a day. Dropped to 1 bottle of wine then tampered off every other day adding another sober day each week until I was finally free. Relapsed twice before identifiying what my body really needed. When you give it what it needs you will be surprised as to how much stronger you will be at fighting having that next drink.


All of the above can be purchased at a reputable health food store. Primarily a Pharmaca or a Natural Supplement store.  

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You've had much good advice from fellow (recovering) alcoholics - I hope You're listening and reach out for help and support NOW !!  

As for the Children I will speak from my heart as the daughter of an alcoholic.  There is NO WAY You can consume that amount of alcohol and parent Your Children in the way that EVERY Child needs, deserves and expects.  NO WAY !!  You've only taken THREE nights off from drinking in a year ?? !! !!    "edgy, angry, can't sleep"   -    "blacking out, killer hangovers, a fifth of alcohol every 2 days (sometimes more)"    -    gagging, burping, always exhausted"   -   "came home late Christmas Day " (where were Your Little Girls without Their Mommy on Christmas Day ??)   AND  on top of the copious drinking. You are taking Xanax and Lexapro .   I will say this loud and clear    THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN PARENT YOUR BABIES EFFECTIVELY UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL !! !! YOUR GIRLS ARE GROWING UP AS THE CHILDREN OF AN ALCOHOLIC AND THEY WILL FOREVER BE AFFECTED !! !!  It is classic that an alcoholic does not/will not see the harm He/She is causing to themselves and certainly not to All who love Them !! !! This I know is true.  Please seek help and support - sooner not later
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Avatar universal
Im 33 and sound very familiar to you up til last year. Klonopin was my savior. Took the anxiety off of the withdrawals and calmed my nerves.

When you drink that much alcohol, your brain is so used to being in a depressed state since alcohol is a depressant. When you stop drinking alcohol, your brain is in overdrive causing you to be anxious and heart rate through the roof. That pain in your ribcage is probably your liver in pain or your stomach being tore up. I know the feeling.
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
:)i'm well known for bringing up things ppl don't immediately think @!if u don't have an OFF switch...like many of us here......u never will...and good to remedy it when ur young cuz when u get older and set in ur ways its much harder to change!
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your response.  You really seem to know what you're talking about.
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Avatar universal
Me and my boyfriend both work full time jobs, I have never missed work due to drinking.  My children have everything they need and want and are not lacking in anything.  While I am drinking, I take care of my children, I have never dropped them or caused harm to them while under the influence.  I do not drive when I am drunk.  You brought up a good point about what if an emergency arose (like me having to take them to the hospital).
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
i've been sober/clean now 29 years....been there and done too much of that in the past .Dayjob is substance abuse counselor.Both you and BF have to find a way to stop the insanity!if not u run the risk of something truly bad happening to u and the children.....like having Childrens Services called on you for an alcohol related incident...or heres a scenario i posed to a young woman in this forum a few years back in ur situation.....lets say the kids r in bed...and ur drinking.Kid gets up sick or something happens where u have to go to ER room.In our town theres a policeman there...plus if a ER doc smells alcohol on u or thinks ur under the influence of drugs they call police and Childrens Services!i know this sounds xtreme but  i c it happen a LOT!and once u get in the system w/this.....very hard to get out!I did what OpenMind is advising u 2 do...u'd be wise to try to do the same!
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Avatar universal
I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic. Been there. You're into maintenance drinking now. Your system needs alcohol. You can't stop on your own and should seek medical help to detox. You'll probably get off fairly easy this time, but each time you start back up, you'll pick up your drinking further down the road from where you left off. It will get worse. It's like a ride on a dump truck. You can get off the truck anytime you want, but some of us alcoholics take a complete tour of the dump.

Once you get "stopped" staying stopped is the next task on hand. I go to AA. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me. You can't do it alone, not the way you describe your drinking up there. Sooner or later you'll start up again. It's, like you said, addiction. But alcoholism is very cunning and powerful. Your entire pleasure center, your GABA receptors, your whole body will crave alcohol. And your addiction will get you thinking that a drink isn't a bad idea. You'll think It will be different this time. That's the insanity of it. Doing the same thing but expecting different results.

When you do get clean, get clean only for you and you alone. You're worth it. With your newfound sobriety everything else will fall into place. Your kids, and your life. Without sobriety, from your description, you'll sink deeper and deeper into the bog of alcoholism resulting in loss of mind or death. I'm pulling for you kath. You can do this!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
My first question is who is taking care of these young children while all this drinking is going on?do u put the children in a car if u have to go somewhere after u've been drinking?Are you and Bf working?how r these childrens needs being met?
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