I am 26 years old and an alcoholic. Here is my story. I first started drinking heavily when I was 19. My boyfriend (18 at the time) had a friend of legal age who would get us those large bottles of Smirnoff vodka (is that half gallon or gallon? I'm sure you know the ones I'm talking about any how). We would go thru one of those large bottles in two days between the two of us. This was in 2005 and went on til November 2006 when I found out I was pregnant. Throughout the pregnancy I did not drink except maybe a margarita monthly at Chilis, however I was still drinking heavily BEFORE I found out I was pregnant. My daughter was born in July 2007, healthy in every way thank God. After she was born, my drinking DRASTICALLY slowed down, I would get drunk every other weekend, no more weekday drinking. At this time, me, my boyfriend and daughter were living with my family (I was 22 at this point), we decided to get a place of our own. After the move, I drank only when we had company over on the weekends. In December 2008, I got laid off from work...still, my drinking was under control. I'm not sure when it happened but the daily drinking started again (maybe a few months after being laid off). I would go thru a fifth of vodka every two days (mixing the vodka with diet pepsi or just taking shots). I would not start drinking before 7PM, but from the time I would wake up, I would be constantly thinking of that first drink. This went on til early fall of 2010. I had to move back in with my family with my daughter (me and the boyfriend split in January of that year). I thought stopping so suddenly would kill me, but I was fine! The reason I stopped was cause I didn't want my grandma to know I drank everyday. When I went out with friends, I'd drink, but never at home. I even recall going like a month without a sip of booze. I started dating my new boyfriend (whom I'm with currently) in Nov. 2010...after about a month of dating, I'd go over on Saturday night for a night of drinking (together we'd polish off a fifth of Captain) and spend the night, but still, that was the only drinking I did. In March of 2011, me and my daughter moved into our own place. I was scared I'd start drinking daily again, but for about a month, I kept to my guns and only drank on Friday and/or Saturday. I found out I was pregnant in May 2011...I wanted to get an abortion so I figured I'd continue drinking. I remember puking my guts out but still drinking more (back to vodka at this point). Come June, I decided I didn't want an abortion afterall. So, I slowed the drinking down. However, there were a few times I'd bring a fifth of vodka home and have a few shots. Hell, I celebrated my babies ultrasound at 5 months by treating myself to a bottle of vodka because the scan showed her as healthy! At about 5.5 or 6 months along, I did stop drinking hard liquor, I now would drink a bottle of moscato once a week (I'd finish it in one night, but I had a bottle weekly). My second daughter was born healthy and normal in January of 2012. After she was born, I'd drink half a pint of vodka a few nights a week, this became half a pint PLUS two 'airplanes' (the little shot bottles). Now, here I am today. I have only taken THREE nights off from drinking in just under a year. 1.I was really sick, just slept all night, 2.I told myself I could go a night without drinking. WORST night ever. I was edgy, angry, couldn't sleep for ****. 3.It was Christmas day, I didn't get home til late and just wanted to sleep (woke up with a killer hangover that morning). Currently, I go thru a fifth every two days (sometimes I have to make a trip to the liquor store for another bottle on the second day), now I start drinking at around 6PM. For the past couple months, I have been blacking out when I'm getting ready for bed. Some nights, I don't remember when I went to sleep, getting into bed, etc. I have not had a normal bowel in months (up until about a week ago, it was just a brown slimy mess, not it is pea green and slimy), I am ALWAYS exhausted, just the past few weeks I've been having new symptoms: neaseous ALL day, constantly gagging like I'm going to vomit, burping a lot, a strange sensation in the middle of my chest just below the ribcages (WHAT organ is there????). Driving home, I get EXTREMELY anxious, like I can't wait to get that booze in me. I would love to quit drinking, I just don't have the will power and I'm so scared of withdrawals. I need to go in for a physical soon and am terrified the bloodwork will show something. I take Xanax and Lexapro which we all know you are not supposed to drink on those meds, I'm so scared my doctor will stop giving me the medicine if he finds out I drink, let alone HOW much I drink. A couple things, my dad is an alcoholic. My boyfriend drinks a lot but if he doesn't have the money, he won't drink (in these cases, I buy it for him...yes, I'm an enabler) also, he can take breaks...I can't do that. I am just so scared for my future, addiction is one of the worst things someone can go through.