Thanks for your comments. If I were to attend a meeting, I just don't want religion of any kind crammed down my throat. I understand surrendering oneself, commitment and admitting being powerless. I think drawing strength from the group and stop the 'desire' of drinking should be the bottom line. I'm still not convinced I'll be successful as a AA member if I don't embrace Christianity which AA was based on, I believe.
Your stories have helped me. Just having responses to my cry for help is great. I hope more people will continue to check this board and reply as needed. I'm not sure what my plan is yet but it's coming.. I have no option. It's here. Get sober or ruin my life. I am aware.. It's sad.
I hope your condition and health improves. I seem to be more worried about my mental state of mind than physical lately.
needsreaders -- Alcoholism was passed down to me from both sides of my family too. My one brother died very early ( age 32 ) from 'accidental' overdose of drugs (cocaine) and alcohol. My one sister was an addict too, but got clean through AA, only to die later from cancer. My father is a 'dry' drunk, but still alive; mom too.
I've never tried any help. Maybe a psychiatrist is a good starting point. Nobody really knows because I make it to work everyday and can function on the outside.
Question: Can a person delete or edit on this forum? I really have issues if you can't, because so many forums have that capability.
Which forums are you talking about. I would like to join.
I don't know anything about forums of any kind. This is the first time I've ever done this. I sort of stumbled onto this while surfing around and thought it was very interesting. And since I have a little experience in this area, maybe I could help.
You seem to know somewhat what is called for in working a 12-step program so you must have been doing some investigating on your own, or maybe you had a chance to talk to your sister about it?
I was a high functioning drunk for a long time, too. I had two jobs. Alcoholics are on the whole very intelligent, extremely capable people. They are usually quite amazed by what they can produce without drinking, when all this time they thought they needed the booze to get anything done. Of course, you may not need to drink while you're at work yet. I, unfortunately, kept a buzz on all day long just to feel normal. I learned to drive while I was drinking at 15, and I had been drinking every day from the age of 12, so when I quit at 29, I was afraid I wouldn't know how anymore.
You seem to be seriously questioning your quality of life and that's a good place to start. You don't have to live like this anymore. Have you considered treatment? And make an appointment to see a psychiatrist. They know all about dependency issues and mood disorders. But as you already know, addiction will kill you -- or as we say, "Death, institutions, or jail." Not a happy picture, I'm afraid.
A good therapist is wonderful for putting things in perspective and learning how to live life on life's terms. Somehow along the way, either my parents didn't teach me or I didn't learn, I was never able to figure out how to cope with life and when something came up, I'd just have a drink, and then the problem would solve itself, usually not in my favor, but at least I didn't have to make a decision.
As for your comment about Christianity in AA, there's more of a spirituality going on, a sense of we're all one, pulling together as a group and drawing strength from each other, rather than any religion. In 18 years, I've probably heard Jesus mentioned a handful of times. For some reason that's just not done. There are people of all religions and no religion, agnostics and atheists. The main thing is we're all trying to stay sober one day at a time, and while there may be an oddball here and there, I don't care if you believe in God or not, as long as you stay sober and stay alive. LIke I said before, keep an open mind, remember what you're there for, stick with the winners, find yourself someone you like to hear share in meetings and ask that guy to be your sponsor and call him every day. (or I don't really know if you're a man or a woman. The general rule is to only have for a sponsor someone that you could never be interested in having sex with.) And then do all those other things I said before about the book, the meetings, etc. You sound like you're ready to do something to change your life and I really commend you for that. Get ready, you won't believe how great it can be!