My question is: Do you think black out behavior is influenced by what is currently going on in your life, or if it reveals something that's inside you, and who you might actually be?
So last night was the first time in my life that I've gone clubbing. Usually I'm the cheerful, slightly overemotional, and gushy (but happy) twenty-something year old girl when I'm drunk, and there was no way I could have known that I would black out.
So I downed a couple drinks that were offered, I was with my friend, and everything was fine and dandy. However, when I came to, I was outside. Apparently I had been kicked out of the club for beating people up (I guess I was hitting people?), and assaulting a police officer. It took four bouncers to escort me out, and I weigh under 100 lbs. I remember none of it. From my POV, my night was:
Go to club
I'm outside (I do remember speaking to a police officer)
Inside friend's car
Friend puts child lock on, I am unable to escape the vehicle, and I'm screaming and hitting everyone in the car. Literally screaming until my voice gets hoarse.
Apparently I was trying to pull a movie stunt and roll out of the car while it was in motion. I hit and screamed at everybody. I cried like a baby.
I'm just so ashamed. And although this is the first time I've acted like this, I'm not surprised by this behavior. I am a sad person (hence the crying), I am angry for some things that have happened. I just usually drink because it makes me feel better and it helps me smile. This was the opposite of that, and it was truly alarming.