Aa
Not looking for answers....just support - my story
I am the wife of a chronic alcoholic. We will be married 22 years in July. We moved from MN to OH in 2011 after his dad "kicked" us off the farm we were living on (his dad owned it) to see if AH would make any kind of positive changes in his life.
He proceeded to get a DUI and ended up in jail for 3 months, so I had to make the move to OH without him with our then 8 year old daughter and pets of various types and sizes.
When he got out of jail it took him several more weeks to get it together to pack up the rest of the farmhouse and head out to OH. The day he got out of jail he bought a drink. He has been in and out of detox at least 50 times throughout our marriage. Inpatient rehab 4 times and countless times to just the emergency room and then admitted to the hospital due to whatever ailment he decided he was having because there was no way he was going to ever blame this on the alcohol.
His last trip to the hospital to "dry out" was January 11th and he demanded to be released only 2 days later, at which point he went back to his destructive lifestyle minus the drinking. But cocaine and weed were in the mix. On February 15 he started drinking again. He stopped going out every night because he wont drink and drive at least. Well once he starts drinking he stops doing anything else. So he would sleep in his chair and once the chair became too uncomfortable, he moved to the couch, and that is where he has been since March.
The last 10 weeks have been rough. He has mobility issues to begin with, so he uses a cane. When the cane got too hard for him to use he purchased a walker. Now he wont even get up. He is wearing Depends. He pees in the urinals. His behavior has become inappropriate. He hired a "housekeeper/caregiver" to come over 2ce a week, but once he made inappropriate comments to her, she quit. His hands are "tingling" non stop. He is having a very hard time sleeping, and when he does sleep, his dreams are very vivid and weird. His short term memory is completely gone. He doesnt know if it is day or night. He asks me the same questions over and over again and tells me the same stories over and over again. I have not seen yellow skin or eyes, but the eyes are glazed over. He has lost all muscle mass. He was an overweight 230 lbs for his height this time last year. If he is even 150 lbs now I would be surprised. When I was helping him sit up the other night I put my hands around his leg and there was a huge gap.
I have been doing A LOT of research lately of what to expect and what to prepare myself for, as I know his days are numbered.
I finally called one of his brothers to let him know what is going on. My biggest fear in talking to him was being judged for my "role" in AH's life - if you will. But his brother was more than supportive and made sure I did not feel judged. He said in fact that the only anger he has ever had for me was for not leaving the marriage!
We have 1 daughter. She is 12 and keeps me busy with her activities and being a pre-teen. She is a figure skater, she plays the flute and violin and is really big into Anime and video games. NO BOYS YET thank goodness! Starting today I have her walking home to a friend's house instead of coming home after school. I am scared of what she might find. She is 12. I don't want her to grow up any faster than she already has had to.
I suffer from chronic migraine - meaning I have a headache LITERALLY every.single.day. I am currently in a research trial trying a drug that might help, but so far it has not. While the stress in my life does not help the headaches, it certainly is not the cause of it, as I have had these headaches my entire life.
I think that is all I have for now. I found this forum through Google when I asked "how much time does he have left" or something like that, and I read a thread in this community started by Tinker35. I think I need to be here right now.
I have tried Alanon several times and even had a sponsor in MN. My sponsor turned on me and started passing judgement. I never went back. I have 3 sisters and my dad and a lot of friends here. I am not willing to give Alanon another try.
L.
He proceeded to get a DUI and ended up in jail for 3 months, so I had to make the move to OH without him with our then 8 year old daughter and pets of various types and sizes.
When he got out of jail it took him several more weeks to get it together to pack up the rest of the farmhouse and head out to OH. The day he got out of jail he bought a drink. He has been in and out of detox at least 50 times throughout our marriage. Inpatient rehab 4 times and countless times to just the emergency room and then admitted to the hospital due to whatever ailment he decided he was having because there was no way he was going to ever blame this on the alcohol.
His last trip to the hospital to "dry out" was January 11th and he demanded to be released only 2 days later, at which point he went back to his destructive lifestyle minus the drinking. But cocaine and weed were in the mix. On February 15 he started drinking again. He stopped going out every night because he wont drink and drive at least. Well once he starts drinking he stops doing anything else. So he would sleep in his chair and once the chair became too uncomfortable, he moved to the couch, and that is where he has been since March.
The last 10 weeks have been rough. He has mobility issues to begin with, so he uses a cane. When the cane got too hard for him to use he purchased a walker. Now he wont even get up. He is wearing Depends. He pees in the urinals. His behavior has become inappropriate. He hired a "housekeeper/caregiver" to come over 2ce a week, but once he made inappropriate comments to her, she quit. His hands are "tingling" non stop. He is having a very hard time sleeping, and when he does sleep, his dreams are very vivid and weird. His short term memory is completely gone. He doesnt know if it is day or night. He asks me the same questions over and over again and tells me the same stories over and over again. I have not seen yellow skin or eyes, but the eyes are glazed over. He has lost all muscle mass. He was an overweight 230 lbs for his height this time last year. If he is even 150 lbs now I would be surprised. When I was helping him sit up the other night I put my hands around his leg and there was a huge gap.
I have been doing A LOT of research lately of what to expect and what to prepare myself for, as I know his days are numbered.
I finally called one of his brothers to let him know what is going on. My biggest fear in talking to him was being judged for my "role" in AH's life - if you will. But his brother was more than supportive and made sure I did not feel judged. He said in fact that the only anger he has ever had for me was for not leaving the marriage!
We have 1 daughter. She is 12 and keeps me busy with her activities and being a pre-teen. She is a figure skater, she plays the flute and violin and is really big into Anime and video games. NO BOYS YET thank goodness! Starting today I have her walking home to a friend's house instead of coming home after school. I am scared of what she might find. She is 12. I don't want her to grow up any faster than she already has had to.
I suffer from chronic migraine - meaning I have a headache LITERALLY every.single.day. I am currently in a research trial trying a drug that might help, but so far it has not. While the stress in my life does not help the headaches, it certainly is not the cause of it, as I have had these headaches my entire life.
I think that is all I have for now. I found this forum through Google when I asked "how much time does he have left" or something like that, and I read a thread in this community started by Tinker35. I think I need to be here right now.
I have tried Alanon several times and even had a sponsor in MN. My sponsor turned on me and started passing judgement. I never went back. I have 3 sisters and my dad and a lot of friends here. I am not willing to give Alanon another try.
L.
Best Answer
I took the day off but didn't tell my husband so i got to sleep in. Lol. Now that he knows I am home I am screwed. But at least I got to sleep in!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm smiling here....GO SKATEMOM!:)and keep it up.....smiling is essential for keeping whats left of your sanity!
His urine is getting darker and he is peeing less. He is sleeping more and more. I keep checking him to make sure he is breathing.
When my daughter and I got home from the skating rink there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and a fire truck on our street. BUT they were not in front of our house.
A bit of a funny little story....on Sunday he requested that I help him walk outside and climb up into his race car to see if the seat is adjusted properly. LOL I laughed right in his face and told him if he can get up and walk himself to the bathroom I would most certainly walk him out to the race car.
He did not budge.
I try to find the humor in things. It's what helps me cope.
When my daughter and I got home from the skating rink there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and a fire truck on our street. BUT they were not in front of our house.
A bit of a funny little story....on Sunday he requested that I help him walk outside and climb up into his race car to see if the seat is adjusted properly. LOL I laughed right in his face and told him if he can get up and walk himself to the bathroom I would most certainly walk him out to the race car.
He did not budge.
I try to find the humor in things. It's what helps me cope.
haha that made me laugh. Thanks btw, it really made my day. :)
Good to know you've got a pal out there, and especially one that understands. How sad for him to lose his fiance to an overdose. It simply boggles the mind how senseless all of this loss is, doesn't it? I think the hardest thing of all to take is the fact that people can't get talk therapy (even here in Canada) without paying through the nose. There are so many simple underlying issues that could be addressed and worked on, and so much of addiction would be nipped in the bud.
Why can't there be a Psychologists Without Pay program out there? It could be incorporated into any college or university course, and allow these kids getting their degrees some major hands on action in the work force. It would help to balance out a heavy academic schedule. It's a crying' shame is what it is.
I had to shake my head when you wrote that your husband asked "what his life had become?" with You changing His pants ~ typical alcoholic mindset only thinking of themselves (ourselves) instead of the other guy. He's a lucky man to have you. I'm in my mid 50's and the other day Gerry and I were talking about what we'd do if one got sick enough to be bedridden and in need of that kind of care.The jury's still out.
Good to know you've got a pal out there, and especially one that understands. How sad for him to lose his fiance to an overdose. It simply boggles the mind how senseless all of this loss is, doesn't it? I think the hardest thing of all to take is the fact that people can't get talk therapy (even here in Canada) without paying through the nose. There are so many simple underlying issues that could be addressed and worked on, and so much of addiction would be nipped in the bud.
Why can't there be a Psychologists Without Pay program out there? It could be incorporated into any college or university course, and allow these kids getting their degrees some major hands on action in the work force. It would help to balance out a heavy academic schedule. It's a crying' shame is what it is.
I had to shake my head when you wrote that your husband asked "what his life had become?" with You changing His pants ~ typical alcoholic mindset only thinking of themselves (ourselves) instead of the other guy. He's a lucky man to have you. I'm in my mid 50's and the other day Gerry and I were talking about what we'd do if one got sick enough to be bedridden and in need of that kind of care.The jury's still out.
haha that made me laugh. Thanks btw, it really made my day. :)
Good to know you've got a pal out there, and especially one that understands. How sad for him to lose his fiance to an overdose. It simply boggles the mind how senseless all of this loss is, doesn't it? I think the hardest thing of all to take is the fact that people can't get talk therapy (even here in Canada) without paying through the nose. There are so many simple underlying issues that could be addressed and worked on, and so much of addiction would be nipped in the bud.
Why can't there be a Psychologists Without Pay program out there? It could be incorporated into any college or university course, and allow these kids getting their degrees some major hands on action in the work force. It would help to balance out a heavy academic schedule. It's a crying' shame is what it is.
I had to shake my head when you wrote that your husband asked "what his life had become?" with You changing His pants ~ typical alcoholic mindset only thinking of themselves (ourselves) instead of the other guy. He's a lucky man to have you. I'm in my mid 50's and the other day Gerry and I were talking about what we'd do if one got sick enough to be bedridden and in need of that kind of care.The jury's still out.
Good to know you've got a pal out there, and especially one that understands. How sad for him to lose his fiance to an overdose. It simply boggles the mind how senseless all of this loss is, doesn't it? I think the hardest thing of all to take is the fact that people can't get talk therapy (even here in Canada) without paying through the nose. There are so many simple underlying issues that could be addressed and worked on, and so much of addiction would be nipped in the bud.
Why can't there be a Psychologists Without Pay program out there? It could be incorporated into any college or university course, and allow these kids getting their degrees some major hands on action in the work force. It would help to balance out a heavy academic schedule. It's a crying' shame is what it is.
I had to shake my head when you wrote that your husband asked "what his life had become?" with You changing His pants ~ typical alcoholic mindset only thinking of themselves (ourselves) instead of the other guy. He's a lucky man to have you. I'm in my mid 50's and the other day Gerry and I were talking about what we'd do if one got sick enough to be bedridden and in need of that kind of care.The jury's still out.
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