Not sure where to start....

[indoorsunshine]

Ok not really sure where to start. I'm a 27 yr old manic depressive and have come to rely on alcohol more and more. I didn't realise quite how much until recently. I had 2 suicide attempts early last year but since then seemed to pick myself up.

Recently I took a few months off work and all I did was drink. My friends were amazed when I said that I could drink 2 bottles of wine in a night and still make it to work the next day. I recently returned to work but am now off again and am on the verge of losing my job and feel like such a failure. I do the craziest things when I drink and I remember less and less the next day.

There are lots of things I could tell you all that I've done and I'm sure you wouldn't be shocked but all I know now is that I NEED to stop. I don't want to, but I need to.

Where should I turn first? My liver is already damaged from the overdoses and AA didn't work for me. It's a big step for me to admit that I have problem but I suppose it makes it easier doing it in an anonymous box. I've just watched a harrowing programme on Sky 3 about a heroin addict who tore his family apart and died trying to get clean and I am in the same boat. I have a v v supportive family but can't help being selfish.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Claire

[Tink70]

Yo!  I'm BP too - and OCD and BorderLine Personality Disorder AND an alcoholic!  Drinking is a very dangerous way to manage your moods.  Us BPers use it as a form of self medication and we are also alcoholics!  Its a two headed snake, my dear.
Get with your psyche doc and be honest about how much you are drinking.  Combining the meds (presuming you are on something such as a mood stabilizer and/or antidepressant) with alcohol can be DEADLY!  If you are BP and NOT on meds then you are gonna keep drinking!  You gotta address BOTH those issues at the same time.
Take Care
Tink

[soberfrank]

hi, tks for your post you take me back a few years and i need that every onece in a while.  one sentance u wrote really stuck out to me.  I dont want to stop.  I had to get to the point that i didnt and couldnt have fun anymore with alcohol.  The last year i pretty much fed the beast.  It wasnt until i lost the job, lost the health , lost the girls, and almost lost my mind before i was able to stop.  AA didnt work for me either until i was ready to accept anything they had to offer to just not feel the way i did at that time.  when i surrendered , i healed.  
Go to the hospital and detox, dont try this on your own.  you are not alone, or the first person to feel this way.  Let us know by keeping in touch.  Youve reached your hand out, that is a great start.  im glad i turned onto the page tonight, i almost didnt.  it didnt go to my home page as usual either, just right to this post.  im praying, and i think u should do as well.  f

[chadry]

I have not had a drink in 13 years. The only thing that worked for me is that i did not give myself that option anymore. It was very hard.I will tell you that but when I took that option away from myself it helped in the long run. I can not allow myself to ever have one drink. I know where it can lead.
Everyone has to find what will work for them but I do know that if you give in and let yourself have one drink you can not stop that way.
Seek some help for yourself with your doctor and try to get yourself healthy again.
I have been through many rough times over the years and i can honestly say I have not drank during them. I never thought I was as strong as that but I found I can do it. I do not miss waking up sick and wondering what happened. I love waking up clear headed.
I can tell you though I gave up drinking a lot easier than smoking. I still smoke and I just can't seem to kick that yet. That is my addiction now and it drives me crazy that I can't seem to take that option away like drinking. I have quit in the past so I know how bad the withdraw is.
I wish you all the best on your journey.
Chadry

[rod44]

Hi
There is a bipolar community here as well.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Bipolar-Disorder/show/160

Ray.

[rod44]

hi indoorsunshine,
Please please get some help, First thing is get to your doctor, you may need to go into hospital for detox
Get to your GP in the morning.
The liver is amassing for regenerating itself.
Why not AA?
rod