Ripples from Ripple

[Yvette BG]

This is more venting I suppose than a question. Thankful my Mom stopped drinking 13 years ago (I'm 54 and in my lifetime prior to 13 years ago, only know of a 3 to 6 month period she didn't drink.) I believe many years of prayers by me (and two of my long-time friends) were answered in helping her quit drinking. My Mom is a different person than she was (she was mean and verbally abusive to her kids when she was drunk) and I feel blessed to have this sober time to enjoy the truly wonderful person she is, and the real gifts she has to offer. Unfortunately and sadly, my twin sister is still extremely angry at my mother for the things she failed to do when were kids and young adults--and at my father for leaving her to care for us, and for having his own mental health dysfunction which was never until age 84 addressed! As a result, my twin sister lacks compassion and now that my mother's health as well as my father's is bad, she won't help with caregiving (and complains if money goes toward their care--their money, but apparently in her mind, they owe her inheritance???) I feel like she's punishing my Mom and my Dad for their mistakes. I just wish siblings in alcoholic families could get help and start behaving more functionally as adults. I've been in therapy off and on for decades so I've been able by the grace of God to forgive and move on. I fear by the end of this caregiving journey I'll have lost all respect for my twin sister because of this punitive attitude toward my parents....and my younger sister has mental health health problems which she's not really addressing, so instead of helping with the folks or just being generally noninvolved, she acts in an obstructionist way in terms of withholding simple (but necessary) information, refusing to answer questions in terms of planning, etc. It's hard enough dealing with 2 parents with dementia---but the sibling stuff is actually sometimes worse....Thanks for letting me vent...

[rpooo]

You are so very welcome Yvette *smiles*

[Yvette BG]

Thank you for your comments and insights, Randy. That's so true--You can only have one Mom! Justsaynotodrugs--I appreciate your feedback, too. It's good to remember we're not alone in this journey and that other people truly understand. Take care, Yvette

[rpooo]

I came from a family much like yours, both of my parent constantly drank and we were really poor since drinking was the only thing they cared about. We lived on welfare and moved around a lot since we were always being evicted because they would use the rent money to buy alcohol. More than 20 different houses in one of the most unsafe cities in America. Flint, MI. Maybe you've heard of it.

I also grew up to be an alcoholic and finally quit after my diagnosis of end stage cirrhosis 03-23-10. I have done things a whole lot different than my parents by making a career, providing a nice home and fun place for my kids to grow up. Just oops I drank too friggen much! Ya think? Ha ha My children and I are very close.

Many years ago and for a very long time I had a lot of anger toward my mom and step dad for doing us the way they did. It only took one very simple old saying that changed it for me and I forgave them. When I was in my 20's I was managing a Subway store. One night a drunk customer came in and he wouldn't shut up Lol Just going on and on about everything. He told me that "That you can have as many girlfriends or wives as you want but you can only ever have just one mom".

I hadn't ever heard that before but for me it made a very good point and it was important to me. At the time I hadn't spoken to my mom for over two years because I was mad because she didn't attend my wedding. I called her the next day and we are very close now. I realize that it's a terrible disease that brings and brings out the worst in people at times. It's still her fault but I forgive her and I don’t expect nothing from her. My mom is still a wonderful lady. She's 63 and still drinking her a** off! I guess she will never change and that’s okay.

Well I just thought I’d share my story with you and I hope there is something there you may find to help you situation. Take care :)

Randy

[justsaynotodrugs]

     Kids that come from alcoholic families have it bad they are told to not talk about there parents drinking and are abused by there families not all but most verbal abuse is one of the worse things that a kid can be raised in and In alcoholic families there is a lot of that and watching your parents drink all the time rubs off on children they also want to drink when they can.  I had a drinking daddy and sons want to be like there dads so they do what they see him do drink aa says it is also hereditary its in the genes of most alcoholics.  There is help and treatment but you have to be ready for help and sometimes that takes a while. AA says we are sick people trying to get better when you get to the bottom then they ain't no way but up. Been clean and sober for a while now.   Hang in there.