Aa
Time to quit?
Hi everyone, I'm a female in my mid 20s. I study, work, have good friends and and in general am very fortunate. However, I think that my drinking is becoming a problem and I seem to be trapped in a cycle of good intentions, failure and regret.
I have always experienced post-drinking anxiety. This only occurs when I get very drunk. After 3 or even 4 drinks I'm usually completely fine the next day. But if I go out to a nightclub or it's a 'party atmosphere' and I get drunk, I will feel depressed and anxious the next day. This is becoming more and more of a problem. It's unusual but I seem to be less and less able to handle my drink, and over the past few months have done some very stupid things like falling over and hurting myself, having one sexual encounter with a stranger that I regretted etc. And of course the next day or 2 are hell. The going out also affects my productivity because I rarely do anything productive during the weekend, so the week is always off to a bad start. It also means I do less cultural things, even things like just going to the cinema, I don't exercise etc.
I also seem to have less and less control when I drink, but this only happens in a 'party environment'. I'm perfectly capable of going out to dinner and having one or two glasses of wine, of having one beer etc. I rarely drink alone and when I do it's one or maybe two beers/glasses of wine. I go out almost every week, usually just on Friday, but it is really starting to affect me. Another thing I really dislike is that when I drink I smoke quite a lot, and really want to stop. I have no problems with tobacco when I'm sober. The other weekend, I didn't go out and found myself feeling really happy. The thing is, and this will sound a bit ridiculous, I love going out drinking (usually with the people in my MA class). It's what I look forward to during the week, and I usually have an amazing time. I think I like drinking socially so much because I love to socialise but struggle with social anxiety. Drinking seems like the perfect way to bond etc. And I also feel like I'm a lot more fun and 'myself' when I have a few drinks (obviously I never feel this is necessary for my close friends and those I feel comfortable with). The problem is when I exceed the limit and start acting in a way that's actually out of character. I never become violent or aggressive, but as I have said, I do things I regret and feel a lot of shame the next day. I know that my life would be so much better without these binges, I'd be a better person. I also know that if I continue this way there's a strong chance that something very bad could happen. I just feel trapped because I'm always trying to control my drinking but often fail. The other night, for example, I stuck to beer and had an excellent time: I wasn't too drunk, no anxiety or depression the next day. I did the same last night and suddenly became very drunk and vomited at the end of the night.
I am wondering if those of you who are reading this think it would be better for me to abstain completely from alcohol or just completely avoid the party scene. I would really love to still be able to go for a few beers etc. The truth is that I just can't picture myself being completely teetotal, although I know that my mental health comes first at the end of the day, and I would more than happily stop getting drunk. I feel a bit trapped because after going out, I feel low and promise myself I won't get drunk again. But when Friday comes around, it's like I forget how bad the hangovers are and say 'one or two won't hurt'. I'm sure that I'm coming across as quite a weak person who should just have some self-control, but I want to be completely honest about how I feel. Do any of you have experience with cutting down on and/or quitting alcohol? I really want to improve my life and get out of this cycle.
Thanks for reading such a long post!
I have always experienced post-drinking anxiety. This only occurs when I get very drunk. After 3 or even 4 drinks I'm usually completely fine the next day. But if I go out to a nightclub or it's a 'party atmosphere' and I get drunk, I will feel depressed and anxious the next day. This is becoming more and more of a problem. It's unusual but I seem to be less and less able to handle my drink, and over the past few months have done some very stupid things like falling over and hurting myself, having one sexual encounter with a stranger that I regretted etc. And of course the next day or 2 are hell. The going out also affects my productivity because I rarely do anything productive during the weekend, so the week is always off to a bad start. It also means I do less cultural things, even things like just going to the cinema, I don't exercise etc.
I also seem to have less and less control when I drink, but this only happens in a 'party environment'. I'm perfectly capable of going out to dinner and having one or two glasses of wine, of having one beer etc. I rarely drink alone and when I do it's one or maybe two beers/glasses of wine. I go out almost every week, usually just on Friday, but it is really starting to affect me. Another thing I really dislike is that when I drink I smoke quite a lot, and really want to stop. I have no problems with tobacco when I'm sober. The other weekend, I didn't go out and found myself feeling really happy. The thing is, and this will sound a bit ridiculous, I love going out drinking (usually with the people in my MA class). It's what I look forward to during the week, and I usually have an amazing time. I think I like drinking socially so much because I love to socialise but struggle with social anxiety. Drinking seems like the perfect way to bond etc. And I also feel like I'm a lot more fun and 'myself' when I have a few drinks (obviously I never feel this is necessary for my close friends and those I feel comfortable with). The problem is when I exceed the limit and start acting in a way that's actually out of character. I never become violent or aggressive, but as I have said, I do things I regret and feel a lot of shame the next day. I know that my life would be so much better without these binges, I'd be a better person. I also know that if I continue this way there's a strong chance that something very bad could happen. I just feel trapped because I'm always trying to control my drinking but often fail. The other night, for example, I stuck to beer and had an excellent time: I wasn't too drunk, no anxiety or depression the next day. I did the same last night and suddenly became very drunk and vomited at the end of the night.
I am wondering if those of you who are reading this think it would be better for me to abstain completely from alcohol or just completely avoid the party scene. I would really love to still be able to go for a few beers etc. The truth is that I just can't picture myself being completely teetotal, although I know that my mental health comes first at the end of the day, and I would more than happily stop getting drunk. I feel a bit trapped because after going out, I feel low and promise myself I won't get drunk again. But when Friday comes around, it's like I forget how bad the hangovers are and say 'one or two won't hurt'. I'm sure that I'm coming across as quite a weak person who should just have some self-control, but I want to be completely honest about how I feel. Do any of you have experience with cutting down on and/or quitting alcohol? I really want to improve my life and get out of this cycle.
Thanks for reading such a long post!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Many if not all of us who post here w/regularity have traveled the wet road you find yourself upon.I started to drink at 14,the drugs came at 17 and I went inpatient at age 28.I'm now 61 w/33 years of sobriety/clean time.I would advise you to seek out a good licensed substance abuse counselor and get an evaluation and LISTEN to the recommendations.Do you have a family history of alcoholism?
3 Comments
Thank you for your reply. I actually had a period of doing drugs when out clubbing (I started after a bout of particularly strong depression) but have been completely off them for a year and am sure I will never touch them again. As for my family, one great uncle has struggled with alcohol, although not to a very severe extent. More than alcohol, what does run in my family is depression and I think that that might be in some way linked. The thing is that if you knew me, you'd never think I have a problem. But it's making me so unhappy lately. I will do what you say and seek out a counselor. May I ask if your life changed drastically once you stopped, and (although I have no doubt that gettig clean and sober is the best thing you could have done) there are ever times when you still miss alcohol/struggle with being sober?
And congratulations on so many years of sobriety!
Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant so the day after,or better put days after heavy drinking you will feel more depressed!I have a big history of anxiety/depression in my biological family. I have found alternative ways to deal w/it vs. RX drugs.It doesn't interfere w/my functioning plus i'm on the lowest dose of a BP med and that's all i want in my system.I stopped the bars,negative peers and anything that would interfere w/my sobriety.I did attend AA and NA actively for the first 9 years and stuck w/those committed to their recovery.In my first 2 years of recovery i did miss my high times some...the irresponsibility of it all!but i played the tape the entire way through of where it would lead me.During the years of 2006-2014,my dad passed away,my mom got hit w/Lewy Body Dementia and 2 kinds of cancer.I had to cut a new BF loose i loved very much who relapsed and turned into a major POS.I had thoughts of a chemical escape route,which was normal BUT I refused to allow it to become action!Guess i inherited the ethnic strength/stubborness of my parents!:)
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