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1714202 tn?1352672419

giving up

I wanted to thank everyone who tried to help me stay sober. But, I have given up and been drinking again. As of right I'm not drinking like I used to but I have a feeling it won't be long but I'm tired of fighting it right now. I'm going to continue to stay on this site and read other stories to try to convince myself to get sober again. Thanks again everyone, I'm just weak.
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
thx lisa for posting!U made a committment 2 urself.....that no matter how hard it was or painful u'd shove thru the pain and get sober!U made me smile this morning....love seeing recovery warriors post!:)keep going girl!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I, too, was also like u-that was a little over 3yrs ago! Please don't wait 'til ur my age tho (now 41). I wasted so many yrs being drunk. I ended up in the ICU also with hypokalemia- alcohol stripped all vitamins and minerals from my body and I collapsed in a pile on the floor unable to move, luckily ambulance came before my heart and lungs stopped. I still drank when released from the hospital 3 wks later, even skipping physical therapy for leg paralysis. I drank for about another 6 months to the point that I could not get drunk and I could not get sober. I knew I had to do something. I was jobless, hopeless, helpless, and barely keeping a shabby, one-room roof over my head.On the 17th of July of 2008 I woke up, did not have a drink but went to the morning AA meeting. I remember my hands were shaking so bad I had to sit on them thru the meeting, I then went home and had all I could do not to drink, still shaking I went to the afternoon meeting, and then the evening meeting. I did that becuz I did not know what else to do but to follow the people who got sober before me. I did that day after day to save me from drinking. I had been thru detox's, rehabs, etc. before but nothing worked for very long til that day I was desperate enuf. Then instead of going home between meetings, I walked to the unemployment office to apply for jobs. Within 1 month I was enrolled in college half time (then full-time), got a good job (that I still have to this day), I moved into a nice condo. May of 2009 I graduated with my degree and had been promoted twice.  Last year I bought my own 4bdrm/2bath pool home! I am one of the many miracles of AA. Life is good today.  I hope this helps Hon! Just don't stop trying!
Lisa
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1714202 tn?1352672419
Randy, no, I haven't drank in 2 weeks. And its not who I hang out with, its who I live with. My mother is a severe alcoholic and just having the beer in the house is hard. Seeing her like that, drunk all the time makes me not want to drink but my urge to drink the beer is overwhelming. I should be at 10 months and 14 days, but I ruined that at 9 months and 14 days. Im not in college because my mother won't let me, I can't drive and she won't take me because it interferes with her drinking. As you know from my previous posts my ex was physically and emotionally abusive. So I don't know what a real relationship is like. My parents say they care and that they're happy I'm sober but I don't believe them 100%. When I was in the hospital when I attempted suicide by OD, they came to see me once for 5 minutes and they yelled at me and now they make fun of me for trying to kill myself. It's terrible living with my mom.
--that quote is awesome!
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
ah it doesn't matter where that response is her in the forum archives,,,,all that matters is that ur back.....and its another day........old program slogan "when u have one leg in yesterday and the other in tomorrow u pee all over today!:0 one hour at a time westguy......play the tape the whole way thru!:)
Helpful - 0
1475202 tn?1536270977
When was the last time you drank? Did you drink all last week? Who do you usually drink with? Seems like there must be that one particular person and why aren't they in here asking for help? Do they know you want to quit? Do you think a friend is really a very good friend if they keep trying to talk you into drinking when they know you want to quit?
I have a really good friend of mine and we use to party together every single day at least for a couple of hours. We did that for more than 10 years. Then I was diagnosed with end stage cirrhosis and I stopped drinking right away. I drank About 23 beers a day every day for a few years but once I was diagnosed I spent no more than three day to taper down and I stopped. That was 03-23-10 and I haven't drank since. There’s nothing that could convince me to ever again. I like to test the waters with people I know though only a little bit because I don’t want to scare them but Ill mention to my good friend "Man a beer sounds really good today, I been thinking about drinkin" he gets really worried and threatens to kick my a** which is funny! I can hear the concern in his voice though and then I get to hear all the reasons why that would let him down and how it effects everyone else in my life. That’s how a good friend and someone worth keeping in your life should react to things they know your can harm you.
Your right Cici, you are good at making friends, you came to this group and made allot of people here care about you. Don't just think that we are the only ones reading all this because we write. This Group is seen by millions not just in our country but all over the world! There’s allot of people that care and read about how you’re doing. Which now brings me to my next question? Where are these people that you interact with in your personal life? Why aren't you responding to what they have to say? Surely they want you to quit and you want to quit and we all want you to quit. So quit! Move on with your life. Why are you not going to college? Are you just waiting for the fall?
What do you think the perfect guy for you looks for? Does he look for a pretty lady, very nice and has her life together?
OR
Does he look for the girl that’s at every party he goes to and she's always hammered.
I was 38 when I was diagnosed, I can’t no longer work. I was at the top of my career. 38 might sound old to you but when you think about I hadn't even lived half of my life. People live to be older than 76 all the time. I just don’t want you to do the same stuff I did, and end up like this. It’s a bad mistake and I can’t do anything about it but just know it’s my fault. Not only did all the alcohol try and kill me over the years when I drank it now that I’m sober it’s still trying and it’s a pretty sure thing it will.
Helpful - 0
1305762 tn?1311548999
I know how you feel. It's easy to give up now and then. I've been working through my own problems with the booze. Doin' pretty well now though. It's really hard but it does get easier with time. like everything else.

Now where'd I put that C&P response I usually give to everyone who comes 'round here.... Ibzy, find it for me wouldya? :-P
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
if we feed our brains negative self talk...this is too hard,i can't do it...i'm tired of trying then our brains cave in2 our words.every day doesn't stink...u've convinced urself it does!
Helpful - 0
1714202 tn?1352672419
I'm trying. And randy, hiiiii! :P and I find the week days harder than the weekends. I drank more during the week, not saying i didn't drink a lot on the weekends. Every day stinks, now holidays are a different story. Those are really hard.  
Helpful - 0
1475202 tn?1536270977
ATTA GIRL!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
cici- i knew in my heart of hearts at age 19 that i was alcoholic/dope addicted....but i put myself thru 9 more years of insanity b4 i AWOKE!try not to repeat after me girl!:)and i can c u r trying!rpoohbear-oh yes!we deemed friday and saturday as the nites to get obliterated and party like there was no 2 morrow......only to awake the next day and discover...w/ a huge hangover..that life was still life and all of yesterdays problems/issues were still there and us w/ a giant headache vowing to not repeat the drinking or again...telling ourselves the next time it would b different...we'd drink less and control it....only to again lose the control the next time around......and time and time again thereafter.....which brings us to now making the committment to ourselves on a daily basis to NOT repeat the past...one hour attta time....one day atta time!.
Helpful - 0
1475202 tn?1536270977
Cici Girl,

I think your wonderful too and well worth spending time getting to know you to help get you on the right track! So it's friday night what's crappenin? ha ha Do you find it more difficult on the weekends? I always did. It would seem so weird not having a reason to get get hyped up about. So each friday we find something to do. Tonight we stayed home and threw darts and played crazy loud music. I have 6 stage speakers and nearly 7000 watts sometimes its fun to get a reaction from the neighbors! Plus I won two out of three so I had fun! I tried to let her win but I just couldn't get myself to do it! ha ha

Now its time for ice cream and computer so I wanted to check on you. I guess my point in mentioning all of this is that sometimes when it gets hard come up with something else to do. Something that you know has no chance to lead you into drinking. Your too smart for that and YOU deserve better. You said your good at making friends so call the ones that dont want to be out drinking. You can have more fun not drinking most of the time. People can then get to know the real you and thats a good thing. Oh and plus I wanted to say Hi.

Randy
Helpful - 0
1714202 tn?1352672419
Randy, you definitely seem like a wonderful person and I am glad that I've gotten advice from you. Ibizan, I love getting comments from you, they make me smile and actually think for once. You two are great :) thanks again you guys
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes i have a long snout...comes from living w/the sighthounds!cici-poohbear posted a pic awhile back of what his rear end looked like......big fat white fuzzy polar bear butt.....thats where the honey joke comes from.......but his wife pm'd me a pic of it and it appears to be BIGGER brown and fuzzy.......we have a lot of humor here...is needed in this life.....laughter is important in our recovery.....and Cicigirl...u just keep pushing thru....keep posting.......there is good recovery here...to serve as guides....like others have guided us in/on our roads to recovery we pay if 4 ward and serve as guides to others who want what we have!
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1475202 tn?1536270977
Well your right Cici, the rollercoaster does suck and there not an alcoholic in here that doesn't know exactly what you mean. Whats nice though is that maintain your sobriety and the urges will become weaker and weaker. From my experience they will never go away and those times when I think it sounds so good to me its just fun to stand there and ponder the thought with out actually considering the idea. Its not gonna happen.

I have way to much effort into this by now. Im a much better person and so are you!
Randy
Helpful - 0
1714202 tn?1352672419
I know I am too smart to just give up and give in. It's my mind that is messing me up ALOT. I've had some deep depression episodes where I literally sleep for a full month n do nothing, including eating and drinking, followed by the complete opposite. When I'm depressed I don't wanna drink and when I'm not that's all I want to do. It's very confusing and annoying to want to drink one day and then the next day not and so on. Grrrrrr. Ehh what are you gonna do right!? Life is a journey and sometimes it *****.
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1475202 tn?1536270977
A first, as if! ha ha She's a hound - think about that...
Aren't you Ibizan?!

Were very glad to have you Cici It really bothers me to think there are other young people out there just like yourself who dont know how to go about finding help for themself. Thats what makes you special because your here and you know its a problem. I don't really think your just going to give up trying ever! Your way to smart for that.

Helpful - 0
1714202 tn?1352672419
Never? Well I believe we just got a first out of her! Ha! You guys are amazing here, I'm so happy I found this forum.
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1475202 tn?1536270977
I'm afraid I have no idea what Ibizan could be talking about because she never makes jokes! ha ha! She is such a nice perfect little angel!
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1714202 tn?1352672419
Well where I'm at its been 100 degrees and higher the last few days, I've been living in water or AC haha! Iced honey??
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ah u male diva u!heading out to the pool eh?whats in that glass?a virgin smoky bear u say??????root beer,ice a glob of honey and skip the vodka!!!!:))))))
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1475202 tn?1536270977
so much for that, its raining! ha ha
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1475202 tn?1536270977
Well I really was bored. ha ha Very cool with the not drinking thing! Everything here is great just heading out to the pool with and icey lemonade!
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1714202 tn?1352672419
Ha ha very funny randy! In fact I have not been drinking :) how are you doing?
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1475202 tn?1536270977
Cici, put that beer down! I'm bored! How is it going?
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