one day at a time is painful

[swagnero]

This is my third time trying to quit drinking.  It's been about ten days since I had a drink.  I do go to AA, and I have someone who is willing to be my sponser, but I haven't started working with her yet.  Yesterday, I wanted to go to the store in the afternoon and buy a bottle of wine.  I literally had to take it minute by minute.  I had my car keys in my hand several times.  I finally made it through the day, but it was so hard.  Today I had the same urge, but not as bad.  this disease is so elusive and tricky.  IT seems I can go days without drinking no problem, but then I hit a wall and I just want a drink so badly.  Does this ever get any easier????  I don't have control over myself and it terrifies me.  I have a seven year old son and I don't want this life for us.

[wanttobeclean]

You can do this.  It does get easier.  I'm going on 4 weeks, and can relate to exactly what you're saying.  Sometimes, that compulsion seems so real...so physical.  But it's the addiction talking, not truth.  I agree with LP...reach out to that sponsor! They would not have agreed to be your sponsor if they didn't want you to call them.  Especially in that moment.  And if you don't feel comfortable with their response, find a new one.  I also agree with LP about working the steps.  Work those steps every day.  Keep them on the front burner.  Keep your sobriety where it HAS to be...at the top of your list.  Someone said to me last week...'anything you put in front of your sobriety will be lost' and that's stuck with me.  I have two young children too, and I am tempted so often to choose to do something with or for them instead of something I need to do for my sobriety (go to a meeting, take time to read, take time to just be alone and sort through some thoughts).  So I really need to hear and know that keeping my sobriety at the top is actually keeping them at the top too.  In the long run, I know I will be a better mom, wife, friend, whatever if I do what I need to do to stay sober.

Hang in there.

[LivingPresent]

Yes it gets easier. In fact the obsession you are experiencing will be removed if you are willing to do the work. Get with your sponsor and start working the steps as soon as possible. When I take a drink I have a physical craving that makes me drink another, then another, then another, I can't really do anything about the physical craving once I start drinking. I know that if I don't drink the first one, the physical craving won't be present, so just don't pick up the first one right? Seems simple enough. The problem though, it that I also have a mental obsession that makes me think about drinking as a solution to life's problems. The mental obsession is a very powerful thought that pushes out all other thoughts. And it happens without drinking anything, it is present when I wake up in the morning sometimes, or when I've had a hard day, or when someone has pissed me off. Sometimes I can busy myself with work or family and avoid it for a while, but eventually that obsession will enter my mind and tell me I need a drink.

So I have a physical craving that makes it impossible for me to stop drinking once I start, and a mental obsession that makes it impossible to not start. The combination of the two creates a truly hopeless condition. I have literally lost the power of choice in drinking.

There is a solution though. The steps, if you are honestly willing to make the effort, will put you in contact with a higher power which WILL solve your problem. That power will remove the mental obsession, and give you back the power of choice as long as you stay close to it. The steps are simple and they work, but you have to put in the effort.

It's a process and it will take some time, but the hopelessness you feel, the thoughts of drinking can definitely be removed. Obviously that doesn't happen over night, so in the mean time get to as many meetings as you can. And get phone numbers  - and USE them. Having a child means that you probably can't get to a meeting every night, so it's vitally important that you get phone numbers and call those people when you want to drink. Pray your *** off. And if your sponsor wants you to hold off on the steps or any nonsense like that. Get another one who will work with you now.

Some people have the opinion that you need to take time and go through the steps slowly. To each his own but I know that the directions for working the steps in Alcoholics Anonymous are very clear. You do them now. Get started today! In fact the ONLY place in the big book where it says to take a break is after your fifth step, and thats only for an hour. If you are hopelessly alcoholic you don't have the luxury of time. Don't get hung up on try to work them perfectly. Do them as honestly and thoroughly as you can right now, and when you get through them you can go right back to step one and start over.

Sorry for the rant. I just hate to see people suffering from this deal when there is a solution right in front of us.

You can do this, just takes some effort.