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How to cope with the fact that my mom might have Alzheimer's... :(

Out of the blue i started having fear and bad thoughts about my mom developing Alzheimer disease. She had a head injury when i was 12 and now, after 23 years, a part of her cranium is still "open" due to the fact that they cannot close it because it might cause a some sort of a blood cloth or something. Besides that she was recently diagnosed with cataract and she removed her thyroid gland(?) couple of years ago. All in all she has undergone a lot of surgeries in her lifetime but was always ok in the end and she is always positive and fun character to be with. Now i am 35 and last Wednesday i returned from a trip and the second i visited her and she greet me the "bad" thoughts began. I focus on everything she says and see it with a negative view like a sign for Alz. She just turned 60 years old. Its like i hang from every word she says and see the negative in what she says. Sometimes it looks like she asks the same question twice, or she is a bit tired, or says the same thing twice (not that often) but her mind is sharp and clear as day. She remembers everything and does not forget almost anything. She is good with numbers and also has no problem doing any work round the house or drive or anything for that matter. Taking into fact that about a month ago her best friend passed away (she was older) that took a toll on her. And to make things worse i started digging through the internet and as usual i got deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. I am sure you all know how it is like. You see the list of symptoms and you think you recognize them on everything she says or does. I am sure mostly its probably from my head but i just cant get over it. Yesterday was the breaking point. I had her go through that test from Foodforbrain.com(?) where it tests your, cognitive behaviour, and she received a "bad" score (about 34 and 37 was the lowest point for "medium"). Give the fact, though, that we are Armenian/Greek so english isn't our strong point and the test WAS in english + she doesn't have the computer skills to be fast or anything + she has bad eyesight due to the cataract and increased myopia. None of that mattered to me, of course, because i thought it was the end of the world due to the low score. So as she was sitting i went to her and just broke into tears and told her how i felt. Of course as all mothers do she comfort me and told me not to worry. But the thoughts are still there. I honestly don't know what to do. My head started hurting and i am constantly depressed. I cry myself alone in bed, like i've NEVER done in my ENTIRE LIFE. I am now waiting eagerly for next week when she will have cataract surgery and we will also do an MRI for her old head injury. I plan on going with her and asking the Doc to run a test for ALZ or diagnose her somehow just to get my head in place, though in the same time i do not want to make her anxious and transfer these thoughts to her and make her start second guessing herself. Please tell me what to do. I cant sleep properly, cant think cant do my job or anything for that matter. She really is the world to me. I just can't fathom the thought that this happened to her because she is just a wonderful person and it breaks my heart to think that i might loose her before i REALLY loose her. I just want her to be heatly and live long and although i believe she is, the doubt is still there and it hurts. Psychologically i'm a wreck and physically this anxiety (if you can call it that) has manifested into chest and abdominal pains and hedaches of course. I know that most probably all this is in my head but i consider myself an intellegent person, not Einstein scale:) , and so that puzzles me even more. Hope someone here can help me calm my thoughts or, through experience, guide me on what to do to ease my mind and really figure out if there is anything wrong with her.  Thank you for taking the time to read through my issues. Take care and god bless.
1 Responses
212161 tn?1537894445
You need to step back and breath, your doing you no good, if she don't have it than stop worrying and just enjoy your mom. Is she repeating herself, does she know you, is she getting lost not knowing where she's at. Does any one in her family have it .
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