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Avatar universal

help.. long time friend and alzhiemers

Don't really have a question, just need help and to vent.. my husband has worked for a gentlemen for aboit 30 years. . They are also very good friends.. I've known him 20 years through my husband. .we have vacationed together and spent all holidays together.. good friends that became family.. my children refer to him as uncle..he adores our kids.. he never married or had any of his own... friend is much older then us..by 31 years.. our friend had a stroke 8 years ago at Christmas. . He has no family here.. my husband lived with him for 4 months coming home on weekends when our mutual friend would come and stay with him on weekends to relieve him.. we got him up and going and he was fine alone finally.we did call his family to get help. Either they are to old to help or flat refused.. his brothers and sister are no help at all.. told us we are on our own... over the years, his forgetfulness and searching for words has progressed to a huge problem. . Last few weeks he has been hyper and manic.. he purchased a old cop car about 6 months ago.. he has a honerary  sheriff ID he got years ago.. the ones they give kids.. he has been driving around taking photos and looking out for people making meth on the back roads.. ugh.. he caused a scene yesterday and a business owner who knows him heard him railing and ranting at a gas station telling people he was a deputy sheriff claiming the gas pumps where rigged and dangerous. . The business owner said he had one shoe on, and was taking photos and collecting evidence. . When the owner got him into his building, he proceeded to tske his shirt off.. to cool down.. said it was hot.. owner said he babbled non stop and made no sense. . She tried to keep him there after calling the cops but he had left.. she drove personally to us to tell us and went to social services. . We have tried to get help from social services. . It's a huge pain.  We are not related to him.. and we don't have power of attorney. . (We don't want power of attorney. . He is our friend and we do not want to make these hard decisions..) we have begged his family for help, and still, they say we are on our own.. social services asked me to sign a affadavet detailing what's going on.. me and my husband are the only people caring for him.. my father is helping us as well and it is not enough!!! If I sign it.. he will blow up! We will be the only people to visit him in a facility or nursing home.. only one to take him places .. if he gets angry at us, there will be no one.. he spends Sundays at my families Sunday dinner every sunday. my family has been great with helping. . And very understanding. . He has now gotten to where he talks non stop!! He still drives and lives alone.. so he is here everyday for help.. like to use his phone as he has forgotten but insist it's broken.. he looses his keys and wallet multiple times a day.. he talks non stop but never finishes anything he says.. it's a constant loop. I hear half of the same stories all day long.. je beats on our door at 6 am like its a emergency and will be standing there with donuts or a old record he wants digitized. . We have small children .. 3 and 5 years old.. when he is here, which is all day.. he wants our full attention and will not stop talking.. I cant tend to my kids because of this.. he keeps telling them to go away or yells at them he is talking .. social services told me today they are starting the paper work to forcibly have him in a 72 hour hold to evaluate him.. what will become of it, I don't know.. I do know we can't take it anymore. . We need help.. right now, me, my husband and my father tag team him.. his clients from his business have tons of respect for him.. he was once a brilliant man, kind and generous. His clients has been helping us when he is out and about. I have no idea what we would of done without them. But. Because they respect him so much, they humor him and ignore him trying to save his dignity. . Which was fine earlier on, but now, he is out of control.. he refuses to go to the doctor and insists he is not crazy ..like today, he was telling me the heat was working full blast and he got the car unlocked .. so it was ok.. took me a minute to realize he was meaning he was airing out the car from the summer heat before he left.. where he got he is a deputy  sheriff and is working with the county is beyond me.. he has never been a officer, but being in media, he has interviewed officers.. I'm thinking je has mixed it up.. he insist he is a emergency vehical and can park any where he wants and he is a deputy sheriff. . I've stopped arguing about it with him.. he won't listen.. he also now say he has photos of Mario Andretti from his uncle funeral .. because they where good friends.. I was at that funeral. . No Mario Andretti. . Now, his uncle was a race fan.. and like Andretti. . It's so frustrating. .. we love him.. and it's hard to watch a man publicly embarrass himself.. he has no idea or clue that what he is doing makes him look crazy.. he don't get embarrassed at all over the messes and things he does and gets into.. we are at our wits end.. we are not family, amd have no power to help him.. or make his family step in.. like I said, we have small kids.. 3 and 5.. and he gets aggressive with them.. I had to stop him from going for my toddler because she dropped a pot lid on the hard wood floor while he was non stop talking and interrupted him.. he bared his teeth at her and went for her.. I was able to jump in the middle and back him down.. he can't stay here with us for that very reason.. toddlers are very active and well, they are toddlers! We feel stuck. . We can't let him down. He will lose everything if we walk away.. but, my husband needs a different job now.. and we cant.. he can no longer use a computer.  He can't write anylonger, can  we do his private banking and pay all his bills now.. we do everything for him now.. we cannot stand to see him loose everything. . He is like family..  we don't want to let him down.. he has been good to us.. great person. . Now, he throws a fit if we don't do something right then when he wants it.. the temper tantrums are ridiculous. . He has not been diagnosed with alzhiemers as he refuses to go to a doctor.. is this behavior typical of alzhiemers? Anyone who can share any info would be great. Or how we can cope with him and his behavior. .
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212161 tn?1599427282
COMMUNITY LEADER
so sorry ya are going threw that and he is to, but with young children and you trying to live your life it sounds like he would be better off and safer  in a place that can watch him 24/7.  also when he had his stroke its known to cause these problems later in life so sounds like he needs meds and a place to live to be safe and he does not need to be driving thats for sure.  lots times the county will take over his care and since your not real family you will have no worries, i would let them know he has family if you have names and numbers they can get in touch with them and see what they want them to do.  its never easy trying to take care of someone you love, and more harder to take on someone who's not real family, you and your hubby and dad are heroes to me for doing what ya have done. i say let the county take him and ya go visit, he really does need more help than ya should have to do you have a family of your own to raise and life goes by very fast , so enjoy yours, keep in touch let us know where he ends up and how everyone is doing ....... Heart

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Avatar universal
Sorry to hear about your friend. It is a rough time and doctors are sometimes reluctant to make the call on dementia... Heck it can be a vitamin or hormone issue as well!

I hope he gets properly diagnosed and cared for in a place properly equipped to take 24 hour care of him...
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Avatar universal
Well, he ended up doing it again and has been picked up for a 72 mental health evaluation. Another person had to call in on him.. someone who knew him 40 plus years and he didn't recognize them at all. They told him several times who they were and he kept forgetting asking them again.. he was talking about things from the 60's, headlines from that time period like it was current.. so they called in on him.
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