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Looking for someone to help me out

Before starting off, i would like to say i'm not making this thread to argue wither or not non-black women are racist because i've already had this debate countless times with other people and i've gotten tired of arguing about it. So here is the situation...

I have a problem that might cause me to kill myself within the next 2month and possibly others might get hurt...

I am a 23yo black male with social phobia. I have an incredibly high-intamcy drive and desires that make me literally obsess over attractive girls that i see in public daily. Over the last year I developed a severe anger problem towards fair skin women (white,hispanic,asian etc). When i see them in public i have internal-anger outbursts because i believe they are racist due to social conditioning from white society therefore they wouldn't want to date me because I am a black male. I didn't used to have these beliefs.

These beliefs came from ONLINE and OFFLINE places where i observed these women display their socially condioned racial preference of dating white guys significantly more than black males. Another place  where i learned non-black girls don't like black guys is from statistical studies conducted by popular dating sites and offline speed dating.

I won't list all these things that made me come to these conclusions because it will make a lengthy post that strays off topic. But here is a few -  I saw a statiscial study conducted by dating sites which showed black guys get least response from non-black women while white guys recieved the highest from women of all races execpt black women. Another is in public i see Asian women always with white guys but rarely ever with black or latino guys.

I get so angry every minute of the day that i start having suicidal and violent thoughts. When it's gets over the top and i had enough i would shout at girls and call them "racist B*tches!" or sometimes flicking off a random girl (these girls would be strangers in public i never seen before). But the worst is when when the anger episodes become too painful to bear and i become hopeless, suicide then becomes the only way out. I've been enduring this breakdowns for such a long time now and i made plans put this deal to rest within the next 2 month. I've been putting of few expenses in order to save money for a weapon to kill myself if i have to.

I feel like if i am able to control my anger or accept these women's racial preference i would be able to cope better. The hard thing, is that i've been trying so much but not getting far because it's difficult to do this by myself. This is why i'm looking to see if someone would be able to chat with me regularly for guidance on dealing with this. I feel like i have a very few short time to live.

I am not here to debate wither these women are racist or not. I've already had this debate countless times with countless people and getting tired of arguing about this. I am just here to try to find a personal mentor or someone who would like to speak privately with me about this issue to resolve it. I feel like i will have to either have to accept this thing or bad things will happen to me.
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134578 tn?1642048000
Well, hmm, I'm not going to argue the issue of people being racist, or I guess I'd be more likely to say tribal.  Human beings evolved in tiny groups, based on family (who of course all looked alike).  They way they survived was by fearing and mistrusting the next group from down the valley or from the other side of the hill, lest they get their provisions stolen or worse.  Among the first signals humans use to decide if a person is from the "other" group or from "our" group is how they look, followed by if we know them.  Hair color and skin color can be seen from a long way off, farther than early weapons could be thrown, so noticing those became a primary signal to use for protection and survival.  People stuck with their own little unit for safety, and basically all others were suspect.

Humanity might have outgrown the need for this kind of knee-jerk reaction today, but it is still in our genetic programming to some extent.  I think people are gradually getting better at not applying group stereotypes to appearance, but we're not great at it even today.

The way we surmount it is by interacting.  Like I said above, first we notice the cue of hair and skin, and then the second question is, "Do I know him?"  If a person has interacted with someone who looks different than themself, he or she is much more likely to see them as a human being and not a stereotype.  It sounds like you aren't in a place where you meet a broad swath of people of all colors, shapes and sizes and interact with them around something that is cheerful.  It's really too bad you don't have this.  In some places the thing that helps overcome racism the most is that a big group of people have a common interest or goal, and get to know each other as human beings first before they pigeonhole them by appearance.

The thing that is distressing in what you are writing is that you sound like you have not had ANY help coping with all of this.  Is there no counselor who you can talk to about this?  A pastor or a therapist or a doctor?  It is really amazing what can help when you're in a world of hurt.  It doesn't fix the world, but it can help you find your center again.

I'd try talking to my doctor and asking for a referral to a counselor, tell him the pressures and stresses of life are getting to you so much that it really is a crisis and you're thinking of harming yourself or others.  He or she will have to take this seriously.
Helpful - 1
Also, have you ever had therapy for the social phobia?  It obviously goes without saying that if benign daily interactions and getting to know each other are the cure for labelling people as "other," one should be able to have benign daily interactions.  A social phobia plays negatively into this formula by a long way.  I hope the best for you and seriously urge you to ask your doctor for a referral if you can't find one any other way.  He will, I promise, be obliged to take you seriously.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hello!  I just wanted to say that I'm sorry this is going on with you.  I can tell that it is distressing to you.  You seem aware that this is scary stuff and really don't want to be in this position.  I agree that if you begin to fear you will really act on this--  PLEASE reach out.  Go to the ER.  Tell them of suicidal thoughts or violent thoughts.  They WILL help you.  It may be scary to take that step but it is an option you have because I'm sure you don't really want to hurt someone.  I saw in another post, that you would like to see a therapist for anger management and I think that is a fantastic idea.  In LA, when I googled that, I found a few places that specialize in anger management and can get that info to you if you would like.  

I can't tell you that your anger toward women is wrong, unjust, etc.  Clearly you know something is amiss with your thinking.  I won't beat up on you or argue with you.  They are your feelings.  But it is the underlying propensity to want to lash out and hurt back that is worrisome.  This is where I think you really need to focus.  If there is anything I can do to help, I will.  We want you to be safe and all around you to be safe.  
Helpful - 0

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