First of all, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. Why would you want to stay with a man that expects you to have an open marriage? He sounds like a very selfish person who only cares about himself. You are married and he took vows to be faithful to you. Have you tried counseling for both of you or just for yourself? There's no wonder why your feeling so much anger. Take care. Remar
Flipping out, losing your temper is like a muscle ..... the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
It also feel so damn good....a lot like an addiction. And like most addictions it's non productive( just a quick fix). It's healthy to feel anger, though. Reframing the situation in your mind can be hard at first, but it CAN be done.
Ever notice when you flip out or get angry that there's a trigger ....like a picture popping in your head or voice "telling you the score"????
It's only one perspective.... yours ....which is valid. But in any situation, that's only one facet of the diamond. It takes all facets to make a diamond. Sometimes we jump to conclusions because it's the fastest and most convenient. And you stick to it because it makes you angry and "THAT" feels good, in a way only an addiction can feel. In fact, it is!!!..........It's a quick effective way to get a quick fix from any situation.
ALL STRONG EMOTIONS ARE ADDICTIVE....stuff like love,...DRAMA, ...self-pity, losing your temper,... HATE, etc.....Strong positive emotion is good, but addictive, negative stuff is NON-PRODUCTIVE .( kinda like spinning your wheel cuz it feels good, but at the same time not winning the big race)
It's not your fault he wants to have threesomes. He just has a high sex drive. And one of biggest turn ons is novelty, and variety. Orgasm thrives on excitement. ...And Newness and change are VERY exciting things. It's nothing against you. I'm pretty sure your really hot, cuz this pervert wouldn't have married you. lol
The reason I say all these self-help stuff is to get you ready for a book that has helped me a lot.
.....But you have to WANT to change. and you have to be WILLING to help yourself, and do the exercises daily, like a habit - like a really bad drug habit, a bad addiction.
The book's call: Feeling Good ( author: David Burn )
If it doesn't help, it could be something more serious like biochemical. If it is, see a doctor and go through the trail and error process of finding the right meds. Be patient..do what it takes.
...And when you find the right stuff, DO THE BOOK AGAIN!!!!
omg you made me wanna cry just to know someone was listening to me and actually took the time to comment and give me and my problems even a thought. ty for your advice. i will try to find the book... but in the meantime... i may need someone to talk to. ty so much for listening!
Your solution is apparent but not easy for sure. Divorce! The relationship too is not healthy for your children but the anger alone! It will kill you eventually, or someone else. Seriously, file for a separation and then think about the commitment very seriously. Maybe that will be enough to set him straight. If not, good riddance
It breaks my heart to read your words. No wonder your angry al the time...That my dear girl is the reason I think your angry.You need to respect yourself and put a stop to this .It's slowly killing you inside and your husband probably has no clue and if he does and doesn't care you need to move on. It isn't healty for your girls to be around your anger and you probably take this anger out on them. If your husband really loves you and respects your wishes hewill stop this fetish. If he only cares about himself and what pleasures him, then you need to really find yourself and ask yourself if this is really what you want out of your life. Your life is precious and we are only here for a short time.If you talk with him and he doesn't care.You and your girls will be okay..Really.If you ever need to talk(read..LOL)I am here.God Bless You
Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you think. I only take my anger out on him not on my girls there you are wrong.. they are what keeps me going.. altho my oldest and middle do know i am angry at him. they just dont know exactly why and i hope they never do... it is killing me inside you are right... i am always sick and in the past 17 yrs... i have lost 30 lbs. and i cant get it back... i dont really know what to say today... he stayed on the computer last night talking to girls and visiting cougar websites and dating sites.... when he knows i amd taking my girls and my mom on vacation next week therefore i will not be here... anyway... just showed me that i feel like the marriage is over but dont know how to get out with not working in 17 yrs... and no money... he gives me what i need and then complains about not having any money... well i guess ill go for now .... ty so much for taking the time... and please dont forget about me.
I wish I could just be there in person to let you know, it is hard financilaly especially if ou have never worked but he (by law) has to give you spousal alamony and child support. i don't kow your entire situation, If you have family maybe that you can move in with. It sounds like he does know how bad this is hurting you and he doesn't care. This is a form of abuse not physical but emotional. I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip and enjoy your girls it seems like your a great mother and maybe this time away from him will give you a little time to reflect on your life. Don't ever put yourself down you are a survivor already if youve had to deal with this for 17 years, but there comes a time when you need to think about what matters most and that should be you and your girls and to be happy. Yea maybe you won't have have alot financially but you will be a better person and a healthier one and definately a happier one. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...You need to belive in yourself you are worth it!!!!!
good morning ... thank you for taking the time again for me... you are right i think he does know how bad he is hurting me but in my mind i deserve it because of how i went out on him in the beginning... if you would like me to start from the beginning i wil tell you everything not leaving any of the bad parts out... i need to vent but have no one to vent to... without them judging me and putting me down for being such a weak stupid girl... let me know if you wana hear all the yucky details. as sad as they are.. it is like a drama ... my life is .. i could probly make millions writing about it... thank you for being a friend.. my name is starla btw.. ttyl i hope! this is my feeling today :( just sad...