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955052 tn?1249580952

single mum has eating disorder for 15yrs

Hi, I have not written anything since I signed up here... I hardly talk about my probrems or deep down my inside to anybody. I have seen some psychologists since I was 15year old but have never opened up and given up in a couple of weeks. I don't want anyone to know that I make myself throw up all the time, I have ugly wound on my left hand which I use when I purge and try to hide the hand in public. I avoid other people and make myself feel so isolated.
No one really knows that I have been suffering with anorexic/bulimic, depression and anxiety for this long... For 15years ... gosh!! I cannot cope any more... I am sick of this) I hate myself and even feel like killing myself.
I am a single mum who is alone with my son... no support from family or friends at all... I feel awful after I purge... I feel so disgusted by myself and don't even want to touch my son with the hand I used in the bathroom... I feel like crying when I see my son. I feel so sorry for him. I wish I was healthy and happy so I could be a better mum for him. I feel so guilty and awful. I actually have seen my doctor a couple of times recently but did not tell anything about my eating disorder but told him about my depression instead. He has sent me to a psychologist two month ago but I did only saw her once and told my doctor that I did not like her. So he did nothing this time but told me to come back tomorrow arvo. I don't think I will be able to be honest with him (I'd rather get naked in public, I will panic if someone finds out that I am bulimic. but..................... is there anything that can help me at all?
5 Responses
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514715 tn?1338266258
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I'm delighted you have found this forum to start expressing and connecting with others.  You are definitely not alone!  I know it is terrifying to expose your secret.  Yet we only get well when we are honest with ourselves and others.  It's courageous to express your struggles and your truth.  My hope for you is that you will dare to be truthful with your medical doctor about your bulimia and you seek out a therapist or treatment program to help you with your eating disorder.  You owe it to yourself.  If you cannot do it for you, do it for your son initially.  To learn more about bulimia and treatment options, visit the bella vita website.  Dr Patricia Pitts  The Bella Vita  Los Angeles, CA
Helpful - 0
955052 tn?1249580952
Thanks for taking time to read and writing to me. I've visited the website and it helped me... I appreciate to u again......... sorry for my late reply... had no energy to do anything... am on lexapro at the moment, it doesnt seem like to be working though...
Helpful - 0
918035 tn?1274644533
hiyaa to start with, you shoudnt feel guilty or awful about yourself because its not your fault and i no you feel that your a bad mum and stuff but trust me your not.
if you was a bad mum then you woudnt even think about your son etc.

if you cant talk to someone face to face about all your problems then you could phone an eating disorder hotline
but if you feel you carnt do that, then you can alk to me if you want.
you would feel alot better if you told someone about it and il be happy to help :)

ive suffered from anorexia since 2007 and sometimes i try and purge aswell. no one nos about this and im trying to recover by myself :)

so if you feel like you would like someone to talk to but you feel that no one will understand.
you can talk to me because il understand and i might be able help :)

good luck x
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, there is hope and help, but not if you keep it a secret. You will feel so much better once you tell, like a weight has been lifted. I think you will be surprised too that the reaction may not be as bad as you might think of the person you end up telling. You don't have to tell your doctor right now though if you don't wish. That is if you would like to find the help on your own instead of going through him/her with a referral. Research for therapists and dietitians in your area that specialize in eating disorders. There are websites such as the NEDA website and somethingfishy that can help search your area. Don't give up because that first psychologist did not work out. And sometimes the first appointment is not a good indicator of what it will be like in therapy with that person because you can't get into anything yet, filling out papers, etc. Keep looking though to find someone who will work out since the first one did not.

The online help idea is not a bad one, but I would not recommend solely doing that. I would suggest if you choose to do that, still finding help in person. Eating disorders are secretive and isolative, so online help does not actually take that aspect away and makes it hard to recover because ultimately you are still alone at your house with your eating disorder. It's good backup, but I would really encourage you to get help so you can be happy and fully enjoy being a mom! I wish you all the best. Hang in there and let me know if I can be of help

Ashley
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you can't face talking to someone face to face, why not try an on-line support group?  Everyone there will have been through, or is still going through the same thing.  There are plenty you could try, but from experience www.bulimiahelp.org is very good- just sign up and very soon you'll have plenty of people keen to help.
Helpful - 0

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