16 Weeks pregnant with twins suffering with SEVERE anxiety

[DenaRenee78]

Hello I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with twins. I am suffering from SEVERE anxiety and panic attacks. When I am not pregnant I would have occasional anxiety or panic attacks which seemed to be under control by me simply taking my 75mg Effexor xr daily...( and avoiding the situations in which would make me panic ex: small spaces) I know some of my anxiety is because the last two times I was pregnant I lost the babies. My water broke too soon and one died at 20 weeks before he could be born. The other my water broke and he was born and died shortly after birth at about 24 weeks. They diagnosed me with an incompetent cervix. So now I am pregnant with twins. At first when I found out I was pregnant I freaked out .. crying and crying. I am so afraid to go through another loss. I rushed to get an appointment with my OB doc right away. He saw me the next week. My OB doc scheduled me for a cervical cerclage at 13 weeks. He insists the babies have a 85-95% chance at surviving after the cerclage. My anxiety started the second I found out I was pregnant. I have had severe nausea and vomiting as well which is NOT helping. The day of my cerclage my parents went with me to the hospital. I got to the building and had a full blown panic attack it was hard for me to get in the elevator or go to the room to prepare for surgery. DURING surgery before and after had non stop anxiety and panic. I have had high blood pressure before getting pregnant but now with being pregnant it is sky high. The doc gave me Aldomet but I think it makes me dizzy and sleepy. I just don't feel like I am 'normal' or myself anymore. I am beginning to feel like a total lunatic! I have SEVERE anxiety even just sitting in my own home. If I try to go anywhere it is 10 times worse. I'm having panic attacks in places I have been to many many times and been anxiety free. I even had a panic attack in my OB doc's office waiting room and I have known this doctor for many years and NEVER had a problem in his office before. The same day I had the panic attack in his office I broke out balling to the doctor telling him about all the severe anxiety and BEGGED for help! He knows of my past and he was sympathetic to me. He prescribed me Zoloft 50mg once a day and Buspar 10mg two times a day and to discontinue my Effexor. So my first doses I took at bedtime. it was a good thing I did because I slept for 12 hours straight after taking the med's. The next day I was overly sleepy and groggy and STILL anxious. So my second dose I cut my Zoloft in half.. the next day I wasn't as sleepy but still had the anxiety. I have also been getting dizzy spells and headaches. I'm afraid even in my own home .. and of stuff like the dark where as before I wasn't. I know psychiatric med's take time to work but I am freaking out now!!!
I am wondering if anyone else has been though this SEVERE anxiety and can give me any pointers or a look into the future so I know if this is going to last and last or if I have some hope of it going away soon!

I have four older children as well and NEVER had anxiety during those pregnancies. I am wondering if a lot of the extra anxiety I am having is because I am pregnant with twins too...

Anyone been through this? Survived it?  HELP!!!!!!   I feel like I am going to lose my mind and I just need help!

[Marie_63]

you are fine.i have an anxiety disorder. mine was severe also, i have had it my whole life. i know and sympathize with what you are going through. I don't know if you can take it when you are pregant but i am taking two that really help me and now i have vey very little anxiety. i will list them for you to ask about. also a thing to remember is that the anxiety is not you. it is almost like something of its own creation. think of it as beside you rather than in you. start to tell it no when you think of things that work it up. tell it you don't have time for it. yes that may sound strange but it works, little by little it works. do things that distract you alot whether it is books, bike riding, or playing on the computer. find comfort and distraction in friends and family and as weird as it sounds let the people who love you know what is going on so they can comfort you. your situation is complety normal. you have lost children and are afraid. it is normal. take deep breathes know you are not alone. the meds i take are Citalopram Hydrobromide which is at 40mg but you start out at 10 to get it in the system and go to 20 in a few weeks and then if needed higher in a month.  this is the main one i take and it works. the other is if i feel one coming and i need something. it is called Hydroxyzine pamaote and those are at 25mg but i can take two a day three times a day if i need to. like a said i don't know if you can take them but they may help afterwards.especially the second one. they both cause dizziness and nausea at first and yes you feel foggy but it does not last and then you feel great!!! it was two weeks maybe a little bit longer for me. good luck, really:) -Marie

[StephHope]

Just wondering if anyone would be interested in messaging back and fourth on a regular basis to encourage one another as we walk through our pregnancies and struggles with anxiety. I am 26 weeks pregnant, and I am due at the end of October. I struggled with infertility and a miscarriage, so needless to say I am spending this pregnancy just watching and waiting for something dreadful to happen. I feel trapped to say the least.

[bbontheway]

Your note hit home with my as I'm currently 4 months pregnant with twins after two losses and suffered what I would describe as a mini panic attack today. We've had a difficult pregnancy so far as I had a lot of bleeding and was hospitalized for four weeks. Ironically things were looking much better yesterday at out appointment. I think being pregnant with twins is a nerve racking experience, whether you've had previous losses/experienced complications or not. My husband, who is always my rock and such a strong person has also suffered panic attacks for the last few weeks. I know it's terrifying and sometimes it seems like there's no way out, but if you ride the wave the feelings of panic do subside. I think it's important to get some good advice from your doctors (which is sounds like you are). And Know you're not alone! More importantly, keep your eye on the prize as this won't last forever. Good luck and take care of yourself

[JGF25]

I too had severe anxiety while pregnant and I also went on medication.  My first child it was around the 3.5 month  mark and my second , I just stayed on meds the entire time not wanting to suffer from the severe anxiety and insomnia that came along with it.  

All I can tell you is that you will get better.  What you have to do is fall back on past experiences.  You mentioned several times in your post that you are now panicing in places that you used to be fine with.  You need to fall back on that.  Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones.  You have been at those places without a problem and therefore there is nothing to worrry about now.  Try the controlled breathing when you do find yourself panicing.  I know it is hard.  I have been to the point of sitting in a doctor's office crying.  That just means you are at the end of your rope which is why you were placed on meds again.  

Keep a journal about your thoughts.  Like I said, write down the negative thought and replace it with something positive.  Keep yourself and therefore your mind occupied with reading, puzzle solving, etc.  Anything to not let it roam over to the dark side.  

The times you lost your other children are approaching.  That is why you are feeling so bad.  Once you get past that point, I am certain you will feel better.  It is the not knowing.  It is things being out of your control.  

Good luck!  

You can do this!  You have been anxiety free before!  Remember that.  It does a world of good.  

[DenaRenee78]

Thanks .. I keep telling myself I am half way through the pregnancy and everything will be ok. The problem is all the hormones and chemicals in the brain aren't cooperating with me! I just hope and pray the new med's help and I will be fine soon. I just keep praying and praying and hoping! I also hope once they are born I will be able to return to normal again!  

[edgyboy]

I feel your pain. I had severe anxiety a few times during my life and it isnt fun. I lost my father a year ago and I have had two bouts of anxiety since.

At some point it should go away. If it is any comfort to you, I have dealt with this off and on for years. Most of the time I am anxiety free. You really have to weather the storm until it passes.

You'll be ok. you are under alot of stress right now and that plays into all of this.

[DenaRenee78]

I do go to a support group weekly it is one of the few places I can force myself to go to. I did make an appointment to try and get some therapy too I can't get in til March 6th. I am just so scared all this is so much to deal with. I am trying. I made sure my boyfriend and my kids all know what I am going through as well as my friends and family. They are trying to be there and supportive for me but they are all at a loss too because we don't know what's going to help me!

Some nights if the anxiety is so severe I can't sleep I will take some benedryl to try and relax myself enough to sleep. I'm just so scared .. I can't wait until this pregnancy is done and I can get back to my normal self!!!!! I've never felt like this before and I HATE it!

Thank you for your comment .. its good to know someone else is out there!

[michrdias]

I wanted to cry reading that... I feel your pain to an extant. All the anxiety you are having the places etc I have been there to the extreme just as you are describing... I actually just went through it and its started to ease up this last week... It was so bad I had an attack just knowing I had to go out to my vehicle to get something just the thought of going out. I still dont know what started it but it lasted a few weeks... I think a lot of this is coming from your past two pregnancies and your sub con fears and your con fears. I think going to a group or even a one on one dr to talk at least once a week would really help you through this.. Also knowing you have high blood pressure puts you at that much more risk and that can be a trigger as well the stress of having two babies, again stress... you know how hard it is with one since you did 4 times already know its twice that at once... You will be fine.. I was never good with meditation but I think that might help you.. The dizzy can come from the anxiety but also from the high blood pressure...

If you need a pal you can always message me. Talking I think helps almost as much if not more then medication at times..