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6253611 tn?1381711888

Am I Going Mad? HIV Anxiety Strikes Back. Please Read.

HI... its me again... thanks so much for explanation given by Nursegirl fromy previous post regarding to my anxiety about my HIV exposure.. which I had none ... but unfortunately the anxiety strikes back. ..  since  3 to 4 days ago I started to have irrational worries when I see or read or heard any words that can be relate to HIV...  I start to freak out when I see tje word "positive" here and there FREQUENTLY ... its like very coincedental to be ignored... because I seen it everyday including this morning...on tv.. newspapers... on instagram.... yesterday, I watched a local drama from my country, there is scene whre the characters is between father and daughter.. and the father ask his daughter about pregnancy symptoms she may experience because his daughter just get married... when I heard the word "symptoms" then I start to freak out... I start to think that it may signs from god...that I have it.... I dont know what to do... I try to convince myself with read this forum regarding to oral sex that carries Zero risk for HIV EVERYDAY since I have this irrational thoughts.. but I just cant...the anxiety keep playing on and on in my mind... I plan to get tested this december for the ease of mind. But im getting scared to be tested since im having these "signs"...can you explain what is actually happening to me....????
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6456238 tn?1384750080
I agree. NG really knows her stuff & put my mind at ease as well. I too have OCD & OCD HIV. I'm actually waiting for my blood work to come back tomorrow & I know it will be ok. It's just the standard STD/HIV tests run by the GYN, I have not had a visit in 2 years. I haven't been sexually active for 3 years until about 6 weeks ago & that sent me into a full fledged panic attack. I was off my meds when I met the guy & things progressed quickly. Well, I couldn't go through w/sex even though he said he was clean. We fooled around, just foreplay, no oral, vaginal or anal sex. He ejaculated onto my hand. Upon clean up I took the hankie & disposed of everything. When I got home I realized my hand had 2 minor cuts/scrapes. The normal wear & tear on a person's hand. Had I been on my meds I know this was no big deal, its NOT a pathway for HIV but since I was off the meds, FULL panic attack. I was ready to go to the emergency room for the PEP. My sister actually helped me through it, contacted an HIV specialist on line who said there was no risk & I signed up for this forum which has been a big help to me. I also was able to go back on to meds. Going off them was due to my doctor as was going back on them.
My advice would be to seek help via a therapist. The fear & anxiety will not go away unless you work through it. Each time you see something that triggers you, the anxiety & fear gets worse, I know this. The therapist will also know if you need meds. They have actually helped me the most. I see so much clearly with them, the logical part of my mind works, the anxiety & fear is quiet, no panic. I hope sharing my story has helped you. In the mean time try to use this for help. It was sent to me & it helped me through my panic:

HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host.

HIV is transmitted by;
Unprotected penetrative anal and/or vaginal sex
Sharing works with other IV drug users
Mother to child
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Avatar universal
Anxiety can really get to you! I think that you have no worries AS NURSEGIRL explained to you but I think you need to hear it from a doctor to put your mind at ease! Nothing we can say here will pit your mind at ease if you don't listen and absorb the advice your given! NG knows her stuff and wouldn't guide you wrong!
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