Am I just having really bad DP/DR or is it the beginning of some mental illness?

[Martijnos123]

Hi, I'm a 17 year old male from The Netherlands.

I've had DP/DR for about 1.5 months now and at first it strongly reduced because of 'Mindfullness meditation' and Harris Harrington's DP/DR cure tips... but lately I've been struggling with a bunch of dark and terrifying thoughts, sometimes I see images flashing in my mind and I also feel like I'm tripping on sounds sometimes... I also feel these split-second trip moments which strongly remind me of my DMT trip (intense fear and weirdness). Over the last year I've done all kinds of drugs: Psychedelics (about 4 different ones), amfetamines (Done this less than psychedelics), lots of weed and alcohol and I also microdosed on LSD more than 8 times. These weird trippy thoughts are scaring the **** out of me and I almost can't explain them they are just too weird... If someone has done DMT just imagine the feeling of the DMT trip (Not fully tripping with visuals only my thoughts are like this) but just for 0.5-2 seconds, sometimes I'm just talking to my mom and all of a sudden I get this trippy feeling and a burst of anxiety going trough me... after this I usually worry the **** out of myself because I'm just too worried this might be Schizophrenia.

Sometimes when It's really bad I close my eyes to meditate and I just can't take it for more then 3 minutes because my mind scares the **** out of me.

Please help me I've been browsing on the web for ages and I can't seem to find anything that resembles these symptoms, most of the symptoms I find are WITHOUT the thought tripping ****.


I hope you guys can reply quick because damn I can't take this **** anymore :(

[Paxiled]

You can't self-diagnose on the internet.  Can't be done.  You have no idea if you have DP or DR or any other letters of the alphabet -- these are symptoms, not a diagnosis.  If you're that frightened, see a professional psychologist and your doctor so you can get sent to the proper professionals.  By the way, meditating is something I hope you're doing sober -- you really can't do it stoned.  And the whole point of it is to watch your mind whatever happens to be there -- I know it's very hard to do, I have developed a similar problem because of a prescription drug.  You've taken a lot of drugs, and they're fun when they're fun but not so much fun when they turn on you.  Stay away from them until you see the proper professionals.

[Martijnos123]

Yea i don't meditate high since thats just stupid cuz you'll just be daydreaming the whole session... Today I meditated and I saw visions of shapes which changed form and it gave me a feeling of fear with it... plz help me some more because I have an appointment the 25th and atm I'm really anxious all the time. i don't need a diagnose but just something it might be because atm I'm just making myself scared with thigs like schizophrenia and epilepsy.

[Paxiled]

"Something it might be" is a diagnosis, so I obviously can't do that, but what I can tell you is a lot of people get messed up awhile after having a bad trip.  I'm an old guy, so I grew up in the 60's, and saw a lot of people get bad trips.  Think of it like PTSD -- you have a very intense experience that strikes you as an intensely bad experience -- the feelings don't go away right away sometimes.  If you're a person who is prone to anxiety, and you don't know if you are until it strikes unfortunately, you can talk yourself into making the experience into a very big thing and you keep thinking about it.  Lots of people get anxiety attacks while stoned, and for some, the anxiety sticks around.  That's basically where you are.  Think about it -- there's nothing objectively scary about seeing shapes while you're meditating -- if you believe the stories about the Buddha, who invented what has become Mindfulness meditation, it was "seeing things" while he was meditating that brought him enlightenment, assuming you believe in such things.  With you, you're getting scared by your own thoughts because you're associating it with your bad trip -- this is how an episode of anxiety becomes chronic anxiety -- you don't let it go.  My best friend of that era once took LSD and wanted to jump out of a window, but realized it was a stupid idea and he just relaxed on a couch until the bad part of the trip went away.  That's because he wasn't built prone to anxiety.  I was, and started getting my anxiety attacks while stoned on pot.  It didn't become chronic for years, but eventually it did because I was prone to it.  Didn't know it, but that's how it was.  So for you, you have to turn this into a past experience, not a constant present experience, just as you would if you were beat up badly by someone.  Bad experience, but people react to it in very individual ways.  You don't have schizophrenia from your description -- you're just scared and it has become an intense chronic fear.  Drugs are dangerous, whether they're recreational or otherwise.  They can go wrong.  For you, it's probably the end of that phase of your life.  No big deal -- nobody does the same things for their whole life.  We change and move on.  Time to move on.  The hard part will be in getting there, so relax, exercise, keep meditating, do things you like, stop getting stoned, and wait until you get professional help to help you train your mind to let go.  Easy to say, very hard to do, but you're young and you will get past this.  Peace.

[Martijnos123]

Thank you so much, this really calmed me down for a large part... I will abstain from substances and see what it does for my anxiety levels. Peace.