Am I turning into an insane, sadistic psychopath?

[jacefreakingherondale]

I've been having really bad anxiety for the last month and a half. I've had my first panic attack too (I was taken to the ER). Things were alright after that but then they got worse. I started have intrusive thoughts (what if I hurt my family, what if I like these thoughts, etc.) and such. I've been having nightmares too and my fingertips are usually freezing cold. I'm so scared that I might hurt someone and I really do not want to do that. I just started CBT and it really hasn't done much. I've been having paranoid thoughts too (what if my family doesn't love me, what if actually start to believe that they are trying to hurt me). I know it's not true but I'm still worried and completely terrified. I don't want to hurt anyone at all and I'm scared that I'm a threat to my family. I don't want to commit suicide but I'm starting to think that that is my only option. I'm so worried, I don't know what to do. It's been harder to focus at school too. I'm only fourteen, someone help.

[Holly811]

u say have had these thoughts for over a month, do u remember if anything happened to u that may have been traumatic that would trigger these thoughts? also, have u made an apt with a therapist, or even speak to your school nurse and maybe she can point u in a helpful direction. Please know that u are not alone, I have these thoughts- and was put on medication that has been very helpful, the dr said I have an anxiety disorder and its very natural for the mind to spin out of control when u are in that red alert state= which u are, and we need to get u out of that, suicide is not the answer, and trust me, Ive thought of it, but then I think of Robin Williams, and if I were his friend I would have helped him, so shouldn't I help myself? I also advise writing everything that happens in your day at the end of the day in a notebook, it is  a form of therapy- u get it out, and it helps your nerves. please keep me posted, Im 32 yr old woman, and Ive been in your shoes at 14- and it was much worse at 14- so I have an idea of how u feel, and I promise u it will get better.

[Holly811]

ps) just read your other response, I see u have gone to a therapist, very good, may I also suggest a psychiatrist- they are qualified to give u a more medical diagnosis/ and medication if needed.

[hmf099]

I deal with this too. Similar thoughts. You are not alone. In fact, I'm here today because I drank a bunch of caffeine and the thoughts and panic ppopped up. Do you drink caffeine? Eat a lot of sugar? Take any recreational drugs or drink alcohol (I know you're young, but I always ask)? These things can contribute to the anxiety. It took me more than 3 sessions of CBT for it to work. Do you see a psychiatrist? They can give you a proper diagnosis.

[Paxiled]

Is your CBT therapist a psychologist?  You might discuss this with your therapist.  Also, if you just started CBT, you can't expect it to have solved all your problems already.  When you're in therapy, it can get worse before it gets better, and with CBT because you're directly facing what you're anxious about it always takes time and a positive attitude before it works.  You're young and at a time of rapid change, so it's not easy for anyone; I'd have a chat with your psychologist about your thoughts.

[jacefreakingherondale]

My therapist is a psychotherapist. We do talk about my thoughts.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Lots of people at your age have difficulty dealing with all the new ideas that you are exposed to as a part of growing up. Keep talking to the guys because they might be able to help you feel differently.
Do you have any pets?

[jacefreakingherondale]

No. Although I wish I did.

[AnxiousNoMore]

Since you like animals I don't think you can be a psychopath. They have no empathy for others.

[jacefreakingherondale]

Oh, that's a relief. How would I know if I'm insane or sadistic?

[AnxiousNoMore]

Best to discuss that with the therapist. Why didn't you ask him the psychopath question?

[jacefreakingherondale]

I forgot to lmao. I've only had three sessions. I also get kind of annoyed by animal posts on social media. Does that mean I'm a psychopath?

[AnxiousNoMore]

No one can diagnose you here, although people try to provide some useful ideas. I am done, because you are doing the right thing going to a professional who gets the chance to know you.