Another HIV anxiety person!!!!!

[SFguy3881]

I had a no/low risk exposure(received oral for a few seconds and I did not even asked for it) last year and even though the Dr. in the HIV forum told me I have no risk for HIV but I still cannot shake the feeling of being the first one infected through receipt of oral sex.   I want to go test but too scare too even though the Dr said it is not necessary to test.   I cannot talk to my family, friends, and of coz my wife on this issue because I feel so ashame of what I did.   I sometimes even cried when I was alone.  I have no symptons except fatigue and I believe that is caused by stress and anxiety.  I keep on searching the net and read every post about oral sex in this site and still cannot make me confortable about my risk.

I really stressed out and need some advice.

[birdie0907]

Another reason not to tell people who know you is you can get blackmailed.

[audrey1122]

All of these symptoms that you are describing is anxiety. Anxiety will feed off of your fears and the more you allow them to control you the more anxiety you will feel. Anxiety causes you to hyper focus on any and all sensation that you feel in your body. You need to learn how to cope and manage those negative thoughts. Therapy is a wonderful tool that will help you learn to cope and deal with the intrusive thoughts that anxiety brings. I agree that you need to have a test done not because I think that you have a risk of having HIV but to ease your worry and take that load off of your mind. Also since you cannot turn to your spouse or friends on this issue this is even more of a reason to talk with a therapist. These feelings of guilt will only increase your anxiety. Stay positive..

[birdie0907]

Smart plan, not telling your wife or friends. I doubt any of them will have any sympathy, and even if they did it won't make any difference.

You outlined the problem nicely below, so you need a therapist to resolve it instead of wasting your time on the internet fueling your fears.""Do I have HIV for the brief oral sex and be the first one to ever get it this way""

[ahavs0308]

You need to talk to someone...And honestly, what is stopping you from getting an oral test from a drug store???

I used to have Hepatitis C. I just recently found out that I am cured. But beforehand, some of my blood work suggested that I may have had Hep c, but I didn't know for sure until I got the Viral Load test...I was so afraid, so afraid of what the results may be...But I eventually got the test, found out I had it, and proceeded with how I would treat and deal with it...It was a HUGE load off of my shoulders. Just to dispel the uncertainty surrounding the situation...

If you are truly worried about having it, ask yourself why you are worried about? Be logical...You are worried you have it because HIV can hurt you, right? Well, wouldn't you want to find out if there is something in your body that is hurting you? And if there is, the are GREAT medications out there for HIV now where people can pretty much live normal lives. And 10 years from now, they'll be even better...

You are not helping yourself when you sit at home dwelling, obsessing about what MIGHT be...We with anxiety can be very logical when we want to. That's the insanity of anxiety...YOU control your mind! It DOES NOT control you...Get a grip! Lace those shoes up, go get a test and take your piece of mind back! And then we can celebrate on here when you get good news ;)

[SFguy3881]

THanks for the reply.  There is no way I can talk about this to my wife.   I am just trying to deal with my anxiety and hopefully when my anxiety goes, so will my fatigue and dizziness.

[anxiety860]

dizziness and fatigue go hand and hand with anxiety and stress too.

[anxiety860]

I honestly believe you feel guilty for what happened. You feel guilt,  so assume you have hiv, or maybe deserve it for what happened?.  I really am having a hard time wording this, but this is something my counselor told me. If you cannot shake the fear, perhaps you should talk to your wife, unless you believe this would only make things worse.  You seem to refuse to take a test, (which one is not even needed) try talking to a professional.. Doctor, therapist, etc. since you cannot talk to family/friends.

[SFguy3881]

I tried to stay off the internet as most of you guys suggested. I was off for 1 week and now I am back.  My dizziness and fatigue are just not going away.  It happens everyday and  is really bothering me.  It makes me think again "Do I have HIV for the brief oral sex and be the first one to ever get it this way"?  I hink the anixity is really ccasuing all this but my fear just not going away.  Please give me any suggestion on how to deal with my anxiet, my dizzness and fatigue.

[birdie0907]

You have anxiety so you should keep posting here however as I mentioned all the information you need is already out there on this thread and verts.

"but the information on other sites are scaring me"  Your last post indicates you know the problem is you keep googling trying to find something to worry about, so until you stop doing that and focus on reality you will never get peace. If you are worried about dying from something and google it you will always find a way to die from it.

[ahavs0308]

Just take the damn test...I don't know where you live, but here in the US you can go to a drug store and take the mouth swab test and you have the results in 20mins...It's FDA approved and very accurate. I had unprotected sex on vacation a few years back with a girl that I met, and I had the same worries. Mostly irrational worries because we all know anxiety manufactures contrived forms of fear.

Long story short: I took the test and it was negative. I actually took two--just to make sure. And that was the end of that. No more worrying if I was tired from HIV, or places I accidentally bit my lip were HIV sores lol. The worrying went right out the window...You can grab the test, go sit in a bathroom somewhere and wait for the results...Quick..Easy...No one has to know but you...

[anxiety860]

Nevermind. you never had a risk. no need to test at all.

[anxiety860]

Dude.... I agree with birdie0907.. your case is not different and a test would be a waste of time... but I am telling you just take the test so you can live a real happy life again. not thinking about what ifs.

[birdie0907]

Your case is not different from verts and there is nothing anyone can add to all the information out there.  

[SFguy3881]

I am trying to accept the fact and advice from Dr. Hook that Oral sex is no risk for HIV but the information on other sites are scaring me.   Just try not to go thru the anxiety of waiting for the test results and the consequences of a "possible" positive results.   I rather spend the time "happily" with my wife not knowing for now because I don't know if I can face her and lie to her if I am really + .

I am just too confused..........

[anxiety860]

Look at it like this... You can continue to live the rest of your life EVERY DAY in a very irrational fear, with constant what if's (about nothing) and stress. Or you can go get a test today and hopefully have the results by the end of this week... I would rather get the relief asap then live everyday in a living hell.

[SFguy3881]

Thank you for your answer.  IF I test and have HIV, I would not let my wife know as I am certain she will leave me right away she she knows about it.  If I don't get test, at least I wont know and she will stay with me until years later when I get sick.  I don't know if this thought is irrational and may be even selfish but I am just really scare and stress.

[anxiety860]

You need to stay off the internet searching for symptoms/reasons why oral sex is a way you can get it.  You didn't get it from getting oral sex.  Some people may disagree with me, but to put your mind at ease go and get a test.  That is what helped me get past my fear of it. You can get a test and put it all behind you.  No point in being scared of the results.  let me be clear before I say this YOU DIDNT GET HIV FROM GETTING ORAL SEX.  but lets say you do have it, wouldn't you want your wife to know??? I honestly believe you believe you have hiv because you feel guilt from what you did. I believe it is nursegirl who says FEAR IS NOT FACT... you are fine, you seem to feel guilty, which is normal.  If you can't get past this, I would suggest getting a test for peace of mind. That is just me though.

[SFguy3881]

Thanks for your support. I have been trying to stay off the internet for months now but just can't seem to do it.  I will stay off for a few days but when I felt stress or dizzy, I will go right back to the net and looks for reasons why .  Also, what gets me worry is that this site seems to be the only site that states that oral sex is no risk while most of the other sites say risk or low risk.   I really want to get test(against the Dr.'s recommendation) but just can't get the courage to do it.  I rather not knowing and be with my family even for few years instead of my wife leaves me if I have HIV and be alone for the rest of my life.

Nursegirl, please charm in and give me suggestions of what I should do.  THank you.

[birdie0907]

Your case can be solved by reading this one since you have the same issue. You posted to it and I answered at the bottom a few minutes ago.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Anxiety/Why-cant-I-let-go-Please-help/show/2073933?personal_page_id=890501