Anxiety, alchoholism and the lack of a life....

[needalife206]

I am a 26 year old guy with a good job but no life.I have NEVER had a girlfriend....I would love to have one -but I just dont know HOW?...reason being im a nerd.I dont look like one-but i feel more comfortable, at work in the library and doing research-I am a good dancer and have a fairly good sense of humour but im INCREDIBLY shy of the girls I like...I CANNOT catch on when a girl is hinting-I over analyse and intellectualise women.I know that I cannot date my collegues or students as it is unethical-besides I have become very popular with them.I am an alchoholic who finds solace in prostitution and romance films and live a lie.I generally am nice and always feel im taken for a ride at times...what CAN I DO-how can I get a life....many of my friends are married or in nice relationships.....I am no ZACK MORRIS and my interests and jokes are not well grasped by many since I am living in a foriegn country.I just want something proper and settle down I no longer want to live an immoral life ..I want a relationship.I burn each time im out when I see young couples together...what the hell is wrong with me is the question..and this has driven my anxiety levels and alchohol consumption to undesirable hights_Could anyone solve my problem???  

[nursegirl6572]

Welcome to the forum!

I agree with Rich in that you need to address your drinking.  For so many reasons...one it increases anxiety ten-fold, not to mention can lead to all sorts of problems in your life, including issues with your health.  Many people with anxiety turn to alcohol or drugs because it gives them courage.  We've all heard of the term "liquid courage".  It's one thing to have a drink or two socially, but it sounds like your drinking has become a problem, and I applaud you for recognizing that and realizing that something needs to change.

In addition to treatment for alcohol abuse, you really need to look into some therapy, both for the anxiety, and for your self esteem issues...which probably both feed off one another.  Finding a mate isn't easy, and while you may classify yourself as a "nerd", remember that there is someone for everyone.  My guess is, you're looking in the wrong places.  I highly doubt you're going to find someone compatible in a bar....after you work on learning to like YOU, then it's probably wise to start looking for a partner in environments where you would have something in common with someone else.

You're being awfully hard on yourself..sure we all have made choices we aren't proud of, but we're all human, it doesn't mean that YOU somehow are flawed or are a bad person.  It just means that you're lonely, and looking for love in all the wrong places.

Get yourself some help...starting with your doctor is a good place.  Let us know how you're doing!

[needalife206]

Thanks Rich..i will work on that point

[Rich99]

First you have to get your life in order meaning you have to tackle the issue of the abuse of alcohol.     This will not only destroy your own life,  it will destroy any relationships you might enter.     You most likely have used alcohol to sooth the pain you suffer emotionally.    You will have to also tackle the issue of your own inferiority complex.      
I don't know you or why you describe yourself as a nerd.    But I can tell you one truth here.   No matter who you are or what you look like,  there is someone out there for everyone.