Anxiety,OCD,Bipolar?? Wat do i have? So scared

[cubix]

Im 24 year's old male, had my first episode of depression in Italy due of being alone and staying on PC i was 2 years in that state. Then i came back home and for 3 years all was good had friends and everything.
Then i started to work on computer again, i didn't eat properly i was smokeing and drinking coffee, staying up almost all night and sleeping at morning...
Well this stopped after i got my first panic attack back in 2014 and since then everything was a mess...
Basicly i ahd anxiety since then almost constantly. I had 3 months when i was all fine i was thinking is all gone. But then again i got a panic attack adn all restarted and sicne then im struggeling.

Now since the past 2 weeks i have started to have some mood swings i dont know if here are resons or not..but i started reading a lot about bipolar/hypomania...i never ahd decreased need to sleep, never spent more that i should, i did got excided sometimes but there was reasons almost when my anxiety was gone i said finaly and i was excited and got goosebumps...im also hypochondriac im afraid of almost everything that my body may feel.
My moods also change during the day but not depressed is like 1 time i feel fine one time sad one time i smile one time sad..and i can see this changes so often i mean im over sensitized or something because i react with fear on both. I don't know what is happening but deep down i know im not bipolar and is just anxiety but it keeps ruining my days..since i wake up i start feeling okey but then i start getting the thoughts and everyting is starting..at night i feel like my normal self i don't really had mood changes or idk what to call them. But im very scared i might have bipolar or some other mood disorder or something. And yes i do have severe anxiety. I read google every day since this started. Mabye im overthinking this emotions and also im mabye inducing it my self i don't really know what to say. If i say okey let's smile i get to smile and i feel fine then i say what something abd and i get down again ..i mean what is this? IM doing this to my self? Any help or if anyone can relate i would gladly appreciate..
I also get goosebumps when listening to music or when im imaginating something beautiful or when i talk to someone about something good.

[i_am_who_i_am]

Anxiety itself can cause mood swings. Bipolar doesn't usually cycle off and on through the day.  It's usually long periods of deep deep depression and then a period of mania . Bipolar is not very easy to diagnose. You should get into therapy. When it comes to anxiety meds help but there's no real way though it without learning the techniques that allow you to move through life with the anxiety and ways to change the way you think.

[cubix]

Well somehow i dont have that much mood swing anymore..i try to let them be and not think about it..but i still fear i have bipolar and stuff tho my therapish told me i dont...i somehow induce this feelings. When im distracted there are no mood swings...

[Degzy]

Am the same can be really high strung and then it's like am completely numb an nothing could make me care but wth in 24 hours an alternative be ful of anxiouty again a have been to doctors an been told that itvan emotional imbalance an a have been told  by people around me that they think it's bipolar it hasn't stopped but taken control of it yourself is realy satisfying a will work out until am sick eat loads of fruit fibre protein  us still get bad days but it's worth it for them odd feelings of just been to tired ta think  you have to eat properly tho because it you don't that will make us worse also I now it's not always easy to eat but even a protein shake would do

[cubix]

And from 3 until i sleep at nuvht i start feeling better and use logic, and of course i dont enjoy them..but i dont k ow what is happening

[Paxiled]

Methinks you've been Googling too much, eh?  There's really no such thing as Pure O, though I'll get some flack for saying that.  Every mental problem is caused by obsessive thinking or marked by obsessive thinking.  You've been looking at labels, and that's distracting you from dealing with your anxiety.  Think about it -- having a thought like that, so what?  It's interesting, but nothing more than that.  But because of your anxiety you turn it into more than an interesting thought.  That's your issue to deal with, hopefully through therapy.  Good luck.

[cubix]

So you think im over-reacting,over-thinking everything i feel? Yes iv'e been googleling a lot...

[Paxiled]

It's what we do, alas, until we learn how not to.  Some learn, some don't, but it's always worth a try.  Now, I can't know if there's something physiological going on -- that's for you and your doctors.  But barring that, then yeah, it's why they call it anxiety.  

[Paxiled]

You don't sound bipolar.  But the place to get a diagnosis is from a psychologist or psychiatrist, not from us.  I'm guessing this is a bad bout of anxiety and that can make us think a lot about things we'd rather not think about at all.  

[cubix]

I was by 2 psychologist and 1 pshychiatric last year..they never told me that i was bipolar..they said is gad,ocd,passive agresive and hypochondria..when i feel good as now cause now i feel better. I dont feel any of the bipolar symptoms...not racing thoughts, no less sleep, not impulsive, not euphoric..i get goosebumps when listening to music..when im distracted i dont even think about this and im fine...i do sometime feel much better that normal but only cause something happent or cause i was thinking or imaginating something good..but it lasts just for a few minutes then back to normal or anxious..

[Paxiled]

But of course that's true of everyone -- everyone feels better when good things happen or they think good thoughts.  Then they go back to normal.  So the real question is, is "normal" a good place for us.

[cubix]

Now something else started and i feel so not normal..or i start to think that i have lost it...

I don't know what it is but...i started to have Harm OCD pure o since i don't do compulsions and stuff like that..and i hate the thoughts...yesterday i was with the car and i killed a cat..becasue it jumped into m front and i felt so bad about it i almost started to cry..then ifter a few moments for no reason i started having this thougt: Did you liked killing the cat ? Did you enjoyed..and i don't know what happent but for a moment i started to feel that i really enjoyed it and then i freacked out like wtf is going on..how would i enjoy killing something..i ahve a cat too and i love them so much..now since yesterday this is going hell. Now i question my self what i am who am i? what are this thoughts this convincing thoughts of enjoyment or something? idk what to say but im very worried about them..i hope i will not turn my self into some bad person that start enjoyning such things and then start acting..only when i think about this i get worried..

[cubix]

This enjoyment thing only starts when i really focusing on it and it fades after i try to let the though be there..

[Sweetheartgirl]

Awwh bless you, you seem like your going through a lot. From my experience anxiety can make you feel like your going crazy and that there's something really wrong with you, but that's just anxiety, when the anxiety is serve it can make you believe in a lot things that aren't true. I feel exactly like you, when I feel calm I feel really happy, then I feel the anxiety coming back again and I start to feel scared and upset, then I feel happy again, from what I have read it really does look like your suffering from anxiety nothing else, but if you want to put your mind at peace, I think you should go doctors so they could tell you it's just anxiety that you are suffering with and nothing else. :) I hope you're feeling better and know that you're not alone, if you need help or reassurance feel from to message me, I will be more than happy to help you

[cubix]

Thank you so much for writeing:) Also what i noticed after 4-5 o clock i start feeling better like my normal self and is easier to rationalize. Not to much negativity.

[cubix]

Can anyone answer please?

[cubix]

Also to say when i was a child i took 2-3 years of Xanax to treat my Tourettes , then last yar i took Busprione for anxiety that started the mood swings i belive.

Since then i never touched and i would never touch any medication. Do you think im still in withdrawl? My eating habbits are poor also.