Anxiety and Depression from Low Risk/No Risk HIV Scare

[JALSFM]

I've developed a tremendous amount of anxiety over the last month or so after my first HIV scare. I've been told time and time again that I had no risk and do not need to test over my scare. I tested anyway at 8 weeks and the test came back negative. Below are two summaries of my incident.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/HIV-Results/show/2641605

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=59293.0

Honestly, I've been struggling with anxiety, guilt, and depression. I'm getting married in a couple months to a wonderful woman. Earlier this year we bought a house, a new car, both started new jobs, started planning the wedding which went over budget. Overall, I think I broke down from all the weight and made a terribly stupid decision.

I never even thought about HIV, but after I experienced symptoms consistent with early HIV exposure during the time frame, I led myself down a rabbit hole googling everything that came to my mind. I went to forums just begging for anyone to tell me I was fine. Even when they did, I still couldn't wrap my head around it. Despite assurance in two different HIV forums AND a negative test result at 8 weeks, I still believe I have HIV and I am going to ruin my marriage, etc. To point out how ridiculous I KNOW that I'm being, to test positive at this point I would have to be between 1%-3% of all of the people in the world. Still... It doesn't make me feel better.

I'm starting to see a therapist today... Has anyone gone through this?

[helpmeplease876]

I'm feeling the same way. What symptoms are you having?

[JALSFM]

I definitely agree. What I am doing/how I am living with this obsessive compulsive behavior is not sustainable. It's wearing on me physically and I fear it will soon wear on my loved ones.

I've become hyper focused on the lack of absolutes. What I mean here... "low" risk or 1% means SO THERE IS STILL A CHANCE.

This is not healthy. I feel like most people would have gotten their 8 week negative test result and been overcome with joy. The only thing I heard was "between 97% and 99% accurate."

What is funny is that a 12 week test would be "conclusive" but again STILL would not be 100% and the truth is that I feel like to REALLY accept this I would need to be ok with accepting things out of my control and have a certain amount of acceptance.

I guess I was just interested to see if anyone had trouble recovering from HIV anxiety...

[RubyWitch]

Your questions and concerns have been asked and answered on the HIV Prevention Forum.

You do not have HIV.

It's good that you begin therapy today because that is what you need to get past this.

RubyWitch