Avatar universal

Anxiety from Guilt?

Beating myself up cause of a recent event where multiple forums (including medhelp) have advised that I did not have a HIV risk.

That being said, I am still anxious, stressed and ashamed about the event. Felt like I can’t face my long term partner and my family.

The feeling was worst during the first week and comparing to that, I am better now but still feel off as I cannot do a test for another 2 more weeks.

I generally have anxiety (mild) but this is the worse. Time is passing so slowly and have no interest with many things now.
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Avatar universal
Not sure this is the anxiety part.  You say you generally have anxiety, does that mean about lots of things in life or is it just or mostly about HIV?  But the rest you've pretty much nailed for yourself -- you're feeling guilty I guess because you cheated?  Guilt is a learning tool for us incredibly stupid and fallible humans.  We do lots of stupid and impulsive stuff, and guilt is there to teach us how to get along with others.  But too much guilt held onto for too long stops being a learning tool and becomes depression eventually.  Shame is a similar feeling, very much akin to guilt but often based on norms set for us by others we feel compelled to follow or set by us and we feel compelled to follow.  Again, it's a learning tool, but held onto too long can lead to a loss of confidence in ourselves.  So you want to learn the lesson that is there for you about how you want to live your life but then you have to let it go or you'll suffer the kind of pain you're suffering now and also become less attractive for others to be around, including your long-term partner.  Not really sure where your family comes into it, you didn't cheat on them, but if you mean to say you feel pressure from your family to conform to certain values, it's up to you when you become an adult to decide what norms make sense for you and which don't, and how not to hurt others or yourself.  Life's hard, we all make mistakes, but learn from it and move on.  If you can't, and it lasts and lasts, you've moved into a different problem and it might be time to talk to a professional therapist so you can work out what in your nature impels you to hang onto negative feelings and how you can work to stop doing that to yourself.  It's hard being human.  Peace.
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And you know, you can do a whole lot more for others and your partner by not talking yourself into a depression, right?
Hi and thank you for your input and sharing.

Generally I’m anxious with certain things but get over it fairly quickly. Is only this one that’s a bit more stubborn as it was my first time.

I did learn a lot from this experience (realise what I want in life) through the guilt and anxiety — all I need now is just to test and get it over with. I just need the test’s confirmation before I can put this behind and move on.
I won’t say I’m depressed. Just really anxious and can time move faster.
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