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Avatar universal

Apathy For Breakfast.

Well I posted here a month ago about my first sudden panic attack, after that I developed a panic disorder as well. I started to go to weekly therapy hoping to extinguish the agony known as anxiety but to date I've had no success. The feeling of a blank mind is haunting me, I cannot think or remember as clearly as I use to, and I'm starting to feel depressed. I lay in bed hoping to relax my body and It does to an extent but I fall asleep and awake even worse. My body is tensed up and its hard getting out of bed without feeling dizzy and the shakes. I get teased with a feeling of derealization throughout the day and now its almost constant. My voice studders and I have a little slur from time to time. But it goes away sometimes and im able to speak clearly. But the depression is starting to concern me, I cannot concentrate, I cannot feel pleasure, I'm just numb. I've had blood tests done to see if its not something wrong physically. They all came back fine. Has anyone ever had these symptoms? and if so, how did you deal with them?
I don't know whats going on with me, my doctor has me on Kolonopin but only to take them before bedtime (which don't make sense, considering I have panic during the day) Would I be wise to talk to my doctor about trying an antidepressant such as Lexapro?
Please let me know what I can do to get rid of all these...these... evils.
I'm only 18 I don't need my life to be plagued by fear and pain.
7 Responses
Avatar universal
I kind of agree with you about the klonopin, but then, at 18, one would hope you can get a handle of this through therapy and not get stuck on medication.  When it's necessary it's necessary, but you just got this problem.  I'd try to find a cognitive therapist who will give you specific things to work on rather than indefinite talk therapy, again given your young age.  Others on here might disagree, I know we all have different views of medication.  Good luck whatever you try.
Avatar universal
I'm assuming you haven't seen any type of specialist regarding this and if that's the case, you need to do so.  Therapy can be very beneficial with the right type of therapist and it sounds like you're spinning your wheels with your current one!  I think a more thorough examination is needed as well, blood tests don't say it all.  I'm not big on medication for one so young, but it sounds like you're barely able to function.  As helpful as therapy is, it can be a lengthy process and medication would help you get thru this time. See a psychiatrist for an evaluation and go from there, he will be able to help you.  I wish you all the best.
Avatar universal
If you have further testing and nothing is wrong, it wouldn't hurt going on a medication. Even a low dose of zoloft, lexapro, whatever may help. Maybe also find a different therapist in the meantime and eventually maybe you can go off the medication after you have sorted through your anxiety. You have to do what you have to do to function. Let us know how it goes!
Avatar universal
Today I feel fine, I know it shouldn't be anything neurologically serious, but yesterday it was bad thats why I wrote the above post. Its just that my anxiety has a way of controlling me and should I say, torturing me unmercifully, for a certain amount of time like a week or so. But then It will stop one day, like today, and be ok for about 2 weeks and then come back for a vengeance! I'm going to cognitive therapy and I believe I have a good therapist who was trying her best to try to help me control it without medication. I myself was hesitant to start medication for the risk of addiction and dependence. But for my best interest, the doctor put me on 1 mg klonopin but I only take 1/2 and find relief at night. Now that today I awoke with mild panic (lol mild, panic is not mild haha) and the ability to think more clearly I find no need to take my pill today. But as for the depression its still there, its not a self loathing depression but more apathy, not giving a damn, and just going through the motions. I still give a hollow smile every once in a while.  But under it all theres my true self wanting to be free and optimistic. I want to gain my confidence back and be warm and not feel cold and callous.
I wonder if this is just a test of my strength by god himself, I don't want to fail him for I know god made man and his reason.
Religion wasn't very big for me when I grew up, but now I feel I need it more than ever.
IdkI didn't mean for this to turn into a very long post...
Avatar universal
Hey there..like yourself I woke upone night and had a massive panic attack. As soon as I read what it was I developed an anxiety disorder. I am very anti drug as someone I loved very much was an addict. The links you see below helped me greatly, I mean Greatly. When an attack hits you you have to remember that it will go away. I had heart palputations and numbing and couldn't breathe, I went and got my heart checked and came back perfect. Knowing this eased my mind and helped me through the attack. If I am uneazy now I. Drink a cup of cammomile or melisa tea and listen to a great little app on my phone "relax with andrew jonhson' .. the below books helped me understand what was happening to my body and mind. Please see a doctor, check that you're physically OK and then try to overcome this on your own, witout drughs. Also, meditation is a superb healer and will teach you breathing techniques to relax your mind and ease your anxiety.

Hope this will help you!




Avatar universal
One thing about cognitive therapy, if you suffer from depression as well as anxiety, they have to work on the depression first so you have the proper attitude to tackle the anxiety.  I didn't know this, and when I did CBT, it didn't take, and only in the last couple of years have I read that CBT very often doesn't work because people who have depression and anxiety need to work on the depression first.  Good luck whatever you try.
Avatar universal
Yeah, my therapist wants to work on my depression before we go further. I also stopped taking my Klonopin because it made my depression feel worse. Don't need things to get even worse.
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