Can someone please help me with my severe depression?

[Meara_Brown]

Hello people. I'm only 13 years old and I'm a girl. I have been struggling with anxiety for about 2 years. And just recently I have been really depressed. I feel like nothing is real. I know that is hard to understand but that's the best I can explain it. Kind of like how you feel in a dream. I have been taking 50 mg. of Zoloft for about a year, it helped at first but now I feel things are getting worse. The first time I had an anxiety attack I think I was 11 or 12. I was at my Dad's house spending the night like I do every Friday, everything was fine, my older sister had her friend over and we were all having a good time together. Once it got later my Dad and my Step-Mom went to bed. I felt perfectly normal and laid down on the couch and started watching T.V. I watch T.V when I go to sleep because I don't like the silence because my ears ring.(But that has nothing to do with it). All of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe. I got really dizzy and hot and shaky, I have never passed out before but if I had to guess I felt like I was going to pass out. I went into my Dad's room and they woke up and asked me what was wrong. I told them and my Dad was going to take me to the hospital but first he called my Mom, and I laid down with my Step-Mom. I felt like at any second I would just die. I talked to my mom on the phone and she thought it was just an anxiety attack. In a bit I felt better and slept in my Dads room and told him to make sure I keep breathing. After that day I went to many doctors and got many tests done just to make sure it wasn't anything harmful. Everything came back okay. Ever since that day I have had anxiety attacks occasionally. Now I have learned to control them. But here's where depression comes in. Whenever I'm not entertained I feel really sad and hopeless  like its always going to be this way and I'm never gonna get better. And my mind wanders all the time and comes up with the craziest things to worry about... For example yesterday I got a thought what if I commit suicide in my sleep. I don't even sleep walk and I still got scared. I AM NOT SUICIDAL AT ALL JUST TO BE CLEAR THAT IS THE THING I'M SCARED OF- DEATH. I try to take my mothers advice when I'm sad and go outside and be active or hang out and be social with my family. Usually it works for a couple minutes, then my mind goes in the gutter. I see a counselor monthly because its expensive so I can't do it more often. I have a doctors appointment on Monday and I'm probably going to get new medicine but I'm scared new medicine will kill me. I am always nervous about dying in my sleep. I don't have any health issues physically though. I just feel hopeless and like nothing is real and I never get excited anymore. All I want to do is enjoy my childhood while I still have it. Also I have a hard time concentrating sometimes but the main thing is the hopelessness and the FEELING THAT NOTHING IS REAL. That feeling kills me inside. I don't feel like I'm even alive and living! I just want to be happy and have fun! I pray to Jesus for the strength to get through this but I don't know how much longer I can take it! PLEASE HELP ME!

[Meara_Brown]

Thanks, and I haven't even started my period yet and my mom said this morning that it could be something hormonal like my body wanting to change or something. But do you think it could be like that for 2 years? Because its been going on for a while.

[mele48]

This must be so hard for you!  I'm sorry you're going through this.

I would absolutely talk to your doctor about your symptoms.  It could be something as simple as you needing a dosage increase, or maybe adding another drug to the mix.  If he/she wants to discuss trying a new med. to replace what you're on, discuss your concerns.  This is your medical care, and you need to feel comfortable with it.

At your age, it would also be worth considering that your body is going through a lot of growth and hormonal changes.  It wouldn't be unheard of for that to be contributing to your anxiety.  I'm quite a bit older, but I've noticed a spike in my anxiety when I'm PMSing sometimes.

The most important thing is to keep communicating with your parents and your doctors about how you're doing.  This way, you can all work together to craft a plan that meets your needs.

Best wishes!  Hang in there!

[Meara_Brown]

Thank you. But did you have the feeling of nothing being real? That is the worst thng ever for me.

[birdie0907]

If you are only 13 you have a long time to live so try not to worry about dying for 5 more decades, There is also a teen section on Medhelp where you might be able to get responses that are more suited to your situation, if you care to post there.

[anxiety860]

When I was your age I was the exact same way.  I was afraid of death, and I was only afraid of death when i was not entertained.  If i was just sitting around the hosue the feelings would come and haunt me. When I was busy with my friends, at school, sports, etc I was OK.... You are on medication so that is good, however you said it might be getting worse?  I would suggest talking to your doctor who presicrbd you the zoloft, tell them exactly how you are feeling and they will discuss medication options with you.  They will best advise you on medication options.  Keep busy! I honeslty believe this helps a lot of people with anxiety.  sitting around is horrible for people like us! ;).. You'll be ok.