Cancer Phobia!

[johanni]

I seem to be spiralling badly with this health anxiety.First, it was a fixation with my heart.That has now been ruled out.Then, just as I started feeling better a new anxiety has taken its place .I now think I may have cancer!I thought I was doing well for a while accepting that my symptoms were not cardiac,but anxiety.Now its as if my my mind wont let me relax and is trying to find another basis for my recurring symptoms.Why cant I just accept it for what it is-my anxiety dissorder!I really am losing faith in my sanity.This is truly a nightmare condition to live with!!If only the symptoms went away,then I guess anxiety would not be a problem.Or is it the other way around,that subconscious anxiety is creating the symptoms.I GIVE UP!!!
Dimi.xx

[Maevera1]

I can;t believe how familiar this all sounds. And it is reassuring that I am not the only one who thinks this way. For me it all started around when I was 11. My older sister had a boyfriend who was battling cancer. He was going through chemo so he had lost all his hair. Not understanding why when very little of my hair would come out in the tub I thought I had cancer too and was dying. Through the years it would come and go. High school my health anxiety went through the roof. I thought I had a brain tumour. My mother had to take me to the emergency room because I thought I was dying. Early 20's it wasn't so bad. Then I had my first chid. After he was born it started back up. Not only did I fear health problems for myself but now also my son! I have a young daughter now too and my fears are worse then ever. If my children are sick with the flu I feel they need to get blood work done and the whole nine yards. I'm constantly in fear I have any form of cancer and it will go undeteched and I will be left with very few weeks to live by the time I am diagnosed! This is no way to live. Always in fear, day in and day out. I have had  cat scans done to rule out brain tumours, but now for whatever reason I fear throat cancer. Has any one found a way to help this anxiety?!

[MaggieS_92]

I seriously  have the same Cancer fear. Googling my symptoms is seriosuly my enemy:(

[Jenn11111984]

It's hell. I have had ocd since the time I was born diagnosed at age 12 and the fears control my life. I have four kids and sadly I passed ocd to my oldest son he is fearful and worried has anxiety and it kills me I know his pain. I freak out think I have cancer shaking, fearing, it's taken over my life. I have to force myself to try and get over it. I had my youngest 5 years ago and my gall bladder removed after she was born. I have had blood test, endoscopeso, EUS, scans. Ct scans, but the fear of cancer still lays in the back of my mind. You know your ok but that voice inside you says otherwise. You feel stupid telling people because unless u have lived it you don't understand what kind of hell it truly is.I just want relieve I just want to stop suffering from this I hate that part of myself.my biggest fear is leaving my husband and kids behind and dying not watching them grow and watch them experience life. I know I have no control over when I die and how I die but at 32 I am not ready and the fear controls me. I have to prevent myself from expensive er visits and such. Overcoming it is hard you need support from those who understand seeing all your post helps you don't feel alone or judged you just feel support. OCD is a illness that gets over looked you can't place it with other things we all deserve the right to be worry free to feel safe and enjoy our lives someone needs to help us cure OCD because the pain and hurt and suffering it causes is about as bad as cancer or other illnesses it affects your whole body. You get sick, lose weight, spend so much time and money for doctors, your quality of life is compromised. And you can't overcome on your own. More people need to understand what we are feeling isn't stupid or odd to us it is real, to us it can happen to us it is hell

[BabyBeemer93]

I hope someone can help me through the same thing. Seeing my Dad and Brother pass away before my eyes when I was little I have been scared of how quickly someone can go. I had a lump under my arm and straight away thought Cancer shaking and panicking in the Docs to find out it was just a blocked pore. Now I have found small lump in my gum. Straight away Jaw Cancer/Oral Cancer. To scared to search symptoms and have gotten to the point of just breaking down and not being able to cope with the fear anymore. Im going to Docs tomorrow but im so scared to find out whether its bad or not. I just cant deal with the heartache anymore. Im only 22 and have been scared of my own health since I was 11. Wish I crawl out of the black hole Im in.

[Amandazcrzy7]

Just wondering how you are doing nowadays? Your story totally relates to mine. Especially with your dad. My dad passed of Esophagus  cancer in 2008, and every since then everything that changes on me is now cancer. I acted a lot like my ad and  our genes are very much the same, so I always have this in the back of my head. I just keep trying to catch it early. Please let me know if you ever got over this anxiety and if so how?

[Bret100]

I am so scared right now.  I dont know if I have anxiety or what, but I am afraid I have either Lung or Pancreatic cancer.  Back in Oct I ended up in the emergency room with the worst headache of my life.  Dr
s ran all tests (chest x-ray, head CT, blood work, you name it)  Everything was clear, except they said I had a sinus infection and bronchitis and put me on antibiotics.  for the next couple months I had reoccuring symptoms and ended up in at urgent care twice on Xmas week.  After that I got to feeling better and back to my self for a few weeks.  Now in the last 2 or 3 weeks I started having stomach issues with back pain... I am so scared as everthing I read on the internet points towards pancreatic cancer or lung cancer.  I have a appointment with my GP on Monday.  For the last week I constantly dwell on this to the point that I start shaking and getting sweaty palms... its all I can think about at this point and I am so scared as I am married with children and the thought of leaving them is overwhelming.  This morning I had to leave the house just to go out and drive around and started crying while I was driving and then went to a church and prayed.  For the last week all I do at work is search the internet all day and read about this..   God please help me... I am so scared.

Bret

[Ross89]

Did you ever find out what this was I feel the same way

[Nelson33]

I am suffering too with this health anxiety condition. Started last november when I had a bad reflux and chest pain. Thanks to Dr.Google for ruining so many lifes by suggesting that I might have esophagus cancer. Drop 7kgs in one month because of the anxiety. The worst thing is that people around me keeps on telling me I Iost weight. That simple words makes me panic and keeps me nuts. The day came when I had an endoscopy to rule out my fear. It came out I had a small hiatal hernia popping to my stomach which is causing my reflux. I became very depress and anxious thinking that i might need to undergo surgery and to take the PPi medications for the rest of my life. Lists of sickness i am thinking i have continues. Last week, i hit my testes accidentally causing it to hurt.Next morning when i peed, it was of burning sensation so i consulted Dr. google again and yes you guessed  it right. Dr google said i migt have prostate cancer. And the thought of it keeps me awake and sometimes waking up sweaty and fast palpitations

[SilMin]

This is my story. Three weeks ago I was normal and healthy, running daily, enjoying life, filledc with joy and energy. Then I had a particularly nasty spell of IBS after a very hectic week/weekend at work. One thing led to another, and I convinced myself that I'm dying of colon cancer. So, off to my doctor. Then the specialist. Now I'm waiting for a colonoscopy which will happen in a week. As I wait, my fears increase. Every abnormal bowel movement, every ache and pain, every odd sensation confirms my self-diagnosis of colon cancer.
And then there's the weight loss. I'm convinced that I'm losing weight. Daily. I wake up every morning in a panic and look in the mirror, inspecting my body for signs of weight loss. Of course, I find them. I've had my husband hide the scale and tape measure because I was weighing and measuring mtself 20 times a day. Every fluctuation of the scale would throw me into a full-blown panic.

So, that's where I am. Obsessing about colon cancer. Believing I'm sick. Not able to sleep. My life as it once was is gone. I'm hoping the colonoscopy will turn things around. Of course, if the results are good. I have myself convinced that I have it, so I'm fully expecting very bad results.

Health anxiety/hypochondria is nothing new to me. I've been suffering from it, with varying levels of severity, for 30+ years. This recent episode is by far the worst.

[Tim198828]

Everything you said. I do the same. I convinced myself I have cancer cause I have some weight loss. I stepped on the scale and it would scare the hell out of me. Everyday I wake up and constantly worry about cancer and look at myself in the mirror for signs of weight loss.

[Dubbierover]

I am going throuh the exact same feelings every pain is Cancer and weigh  myself 10 times  a day

[Mommyju]

Wow!!! Me, me, me!
Same fears! Symptoms! All me! I'm so tired of this feeling....

[Anees12]

Hi,
Same here, i get a lill pain, worry (think its cancer ) google , get scared, google more, at some point i have enough courage to go to the doctor, they litterally laugh at me, get tested, everything fine, i feel awesome, until i figure out a new cancer, dont get sucked up in that, i missed my kids growing their first years, because all i did is googling symptoms, and survival chances for something i dont have, both my family sides are cancer free, became very old, but its still in my mind, i am muslim, and in my religion we say ; god will take your soul at a pre-determined date and time, so whatever u do , you will die at that point of time ONLY" that helps i guess.
Guys i ve been to about 15 doctors this year, before 1-3 every two years! Blood work, xrays, tubes down my nose n theoat, all that crap!
January 2015 i started feeling dizzy out of nowhere! A whole freaking week non stop, it was a hirrible experience, evey test u did came back normal! Until my wife bought me a plane ticket to go visit family, and it was all gone !!!! Everyone was saying its psychological and i didnt wanna admit it! Guys i wish u the best believe me i know 2 or 3 persons from my friends who have the same thing! You are not weird , you are okay!

[jt755]

Holy C**P!  I am relieved that I am not the only one.  That is the typical response I have seen so far and I don't know if I should feel good or what???  But let me tell you, I had a little rear exit issue with too much blood.  I went to urgent care a couple of years ago to address it and it was confirmed...Hems!  But the doc wanted a sigmoidoscopy done...I dismissed it and went on my way.  Come in to 2015 and that's where things hit the fan and my anxiety heats up.  I have a bad case of vertigo.  Freaked, I immediately schedule a doc appointment and physical.  Well, vertigo was caused by a fantastic middle ear infection.  Nothing really fascinating there.  My physical turns out normal except for my iron levels.  They are incredibly low.  Well, my earlier issue was never fully resolved.  So, my doc now concerned orders me to do a full colonoscopy.  He says in such a way, he wants to rule out Colon Cancer.  Whoa boy...my wheels are spinning now.  I was a nervous wreck up until the day of.  GI doc was more comforting...told me since I've had this for a couple of years now (actually like 3+years) I would have known by now if it was something serious.  That put me at ease as the anesthesia was kicking in and I could feel the apparatus going up my rear.  Minutes later, I am woken up to a clean bill of health!  I am elated!  I feel like I have a new lease on life...UNTIL I get a call from my doctor 3 weeks later.  He is still concerned about my iron levels.  He can't believe hem bleeding can cause that much iron to be lost.   This is where a) I take another tail spin and b) kinda lose faith in my doc.  I have to remind him that this has been going on for years, not days, not weeks.  Suffice it to say, I'm freaked again.  So much so that in the coming months my chest starts to hurt.  I feel that I am not breathing normal.  I finally go to urgent care.  They hook me up and the whole 9 yards.  Doc listens to my breathing, apparently everything is clear.  I flat out ask...is it Lung Cancer.  Doc apologizes and says no, "I should have stated that at the beginning."  "You're fine, people your age (I'm 35) come in all the time with this..anxiety.  Go home and enjoy your life, your kids (I have 2)."  However, before that, it was noticed that my EKG showed a little abnormal heartbeat.  So, I go in for a full on stress test.  That..comes out normal!  So I'm normal!  BUT no matter how many times I try to convince myself I'm good...I'm constantly worrying.  I have aches on my side that feel like and probably are just muscle sores.  I have a really bad bed.  But...I'm convincing myself that I have cancer...all thanks to Dr. Google!!!   Do I go to the doctor for something as foolish as this?  I probably will end up going...then feel better for like 15 minutes and then worry about something else.  I hate HATE HATE this feeling.  I can't shake it!  It all stems from my damn colonoscopy when my Doc told me he wanted to rule out Colon Cancer....What he could have said was...I would like to see what's going on...not..Let's rule out Cancer.  I think Doctors forget how hearing that word "cancer" can affect someones daily life...even if it's and "if".....This forum has shown me that I'm not alone...and whoever reads this...You are not alone.  

[Jo_jjr]

Wow, all this sounds so familiar, it's scary and makes me feel crazy. My mom had breast and ovarian cancer and her mom had breast cancer, her sister had ovarian cancer and my dad had brain cancer... So let's just say I've been paranoid since I was in my 20's... My cousin passed away 2 years ago from ovarian cancer and never even knew she had it, she was gone in 1 week. My aunt ( my moms other sister) passed away from colon cancer last year also..
Soooo... I had the braca testing done and it was negative that I don't have the gene but I went ahead and had my uterus and ovaries taken out anyway last year because I was convinces I had ovarian cancer but it was just a large fibroid... Ugh, it's horrible to go through life this way. I'm now convinced I have colon cancer and a brain tumor !, what is wrong with me??!!!

[meower2015]

It's been very encouraging to read everyone's story on here and know I am not alone. I have been battling this for three months now as I went through some health scares. I am now seeing my second therapist. My subconscious mind now feels like my enemy, always sending me signals of impending doom and just "wrongness" in my body. I know I am physically fine but this just won't go away. I may have several hours that feel almost normal but then the rest of the day I feel this ill feeling, every day. It is such a struggle to try to control my brain, when before it was natural and I didn't even think about these things. I often just want to cry or rage at the universe for putting me through this, but I try my best to focus on the positive that one day I will get through this!

[daniel7888]

I understand your fear and I am sorry that you are going through this. Fear is a horrible beast especially when your own mind lets it out of the cage. I've have had this phoiba for a over a year know. I have been to the emergency room 3 times and had bloodwork and scans, I have seen 3 specialists and all have confirmed that I do not have any life-threatening illness like cancer or any close to it. I hope you can beat this. I hope that we can beat it. I have two young children and I have found that most people including myself do not fear death per se but do fear not seeing their precious little ones grow up. We fear not getting to share our short amount of time with loved ones, husbands, wifes, mothers, fathers, etc. These are truly my greatest fears outside the thought of cancer itself. I am there with you and you are not alone. This is not the only thread out there if you need to talk to someone. I know it may be old and I simply stumbled upon it trying to figure out whats wrong with me but keep looking for help. I'ts out there and people do care.

[Kara1887]

I know this thread is old but it looks like there have been some recent comments. I've always felt so alone with my health anxiety but I'm happy to see so many others that I can relate to. I am sorry though that so many of you are going through this horrible horrible problem. I can remember all the way back to when I was a kid that I had health anxiety. I can remember all of the time asking my parents if I was going to have a heart attack and die. I don't know where or why I even thought of that but I did. As a teenager I can remember feeling like I couldn't breathe and I begged my mom to take me to ER. She did and absolutely nothing was wrong with me but I still couldn't shake the feeling of something being wrong. As an adult (I'm 28 now) my anxiety has gotten even worse. I have gone through so many diseases/cancer. It's not even funny. Brain tumor, colon cancer, breast cancer, melanoma, etc. etc. I hate this. Currently I'm scared that I have melanoma even though I just went to the dermatologist 1 month ago. She found nothing wrong but in my mind I just know she had to of missed this spot on my chest that I think looks weird. My husband constantly reassures me that she didn't miss looking at this spot and if it was something to worry about that she would have wanted to biopsy it. Even though his reassurance helps for maybe 10 minutes after that 10 minutes I'm right back to worrying. And now I have a small red spot on my chest and forearm. They weren't there when I went to the dr so I of course think these are also melanoma. When my brain actually works right and I can think realistically I know that they are probably just dry spots but I can't shake the feeling of it being melanoma. I have a husband and 3 small kids and my health anxiety scares me more than anything. I do not want to leave my kids or husband behind. I know one day that I will die and I'm okay with that fact but I just want to be in my 70's or 80's. I want to see my kids grow up and I want to have time to spend with my husband after the kids have left the house.

[Brittany4121]

This is my story:
I was a normal 21 year old, married already and moved out with my wonderful husband.  Had NO worries in my life except for the minor stresses of work/college.  Then one day I was at work and had a very sharp pain in my chest (VERY obvious that something was wrong....I couldn't breath).  It turned out that it was a spontaneous collapsed lung.  I was in the hospital for an entire month...6 chest tubes and 2 surgeries. (Trying to sum it up).  And basically it was the WORST time of my entire life.  I honestly, honestly thought I was going to die in there.  When I was finally released, the anxiety hit.  Every ache, every pain, anything....and I was running to the doctor thinking that something else was wrong with me.  "what if, what if, what if!" ....I live every day in fear that my opposite lung is going to collapse as well...I was having very bad heart palpitations and assumed I had heart failure....I have lumps in my breast and now I think I have cancer.  It honestly is SO exhausting.  The depression, the FEAR of death and the unknown.  I wanted all of you to know that you are not alone! I tried counseling and basically when it comes down to it...YOU have to have the POWER in yourself to think more positively about life.  I know that the terrible thoughts of sickness and death keep coming...and when they come, try to replace them with positive things! Our problem is that our brains focus SO hard on the negative...that we don't see the positive.  MAKE yourself see the positive.  I have found from listening to my counselor and from reading many thing online that you honestly have to work at this.  It's not like you will just wake up one day and your mind won't be running a marathon saying you have cancer, you have heart failure, you're DYING.  You have to tell your brain WHO is BOSS.  I know it is extremely difficult to change the way that you think...trust me I know...but you have to weigh the pros/cons.  If you live your life in constant fear of death....are you really living?  
Find your purpose...meditate...be kind...smile when you don't want to...have faith...focus on the positive...and LIVE the life you have.
Best Wishes

[gbeckylynn]

I cannot believe the amount of people with this anxiety disorder. I thought I was alone and crazy. I visit the doctor at least once a month because of this. Every little pain I get is cancer. It doesn't help that almost every one of my family members that have passed away on my mother's side have died of cancer. I am convinced that I will as well. What I fear most is leaving my children. As I sit here typing this, I am thinking about the brain tumor I have because of the headache I've had for a week that will not go away! Living like this is horrible and well my medical bills are a whole other story. I would give anything to just be normal

[Kay1986xx]

Hey everyone! I have been looking for something like this and as usual, Medhelp has my answers :) I am so relieved yet so saddened to see so many other people in the same boat as me. In the past year, I have 'battled' skin, pelvic, ovarian and various other cancers, yet nothing has come of it ha. i currently have three issues that I'm still waiting to see doctors about. My ongoing v. discharge between periods (if it happens again this month!) that I've already had exams/swabs/ultrasounds on, chest cancer (I have what feel like fatty lumps on my ribs, both sides may I add but still 'lumps' (so still scary!) and one of my boobs suddenly looking funny (the part near the chestbone seems to dip in, other side does it a little, has it always been like this or am I just being silly because this is recently one of my worries and am too scared to ask my fiance "have they always looked like this"? One thing I will end on though is that HA is a HUGE issue and very, very scary. I was recently petrified for being referred for a pelvic and transvaginal ultrasound...yet I know the not knowing would have driven me even crazier. Such a vicious circle so I feel for each and every one of you xxxx

[stressbod]

Thankyou Marcel I may try this

[stressbod]

oh me too fearful! it is terrible, and really scary not to mention lonely too, it feels like no-one understands how frightened you are and just say all the reassuring things ...until one says go see a doctor about that...and then argh!! terror envelopes you... I know xx

[stressbod]

At the moment I am worrying about my left breast aching, I have been to the doctor who assures me it is nothing to worry about, I have been struggling with an awful cold which has left me with a cough (of course thats lung cancer) so now I am convinced I have that along with all the pocking and prodding of my breast (even though the doctor examined me too) and I found a tiny lump under my left armpit, thats it, I have the dreaded killer!! it's Friday and I know I am going to be worrying myself stupid all weekend HELLLP x

[stressbod]

I am so glad I have found this site, I thought I was alone with this awful thing,

[Lordslight]

I have been suffering with this most of my life. As a young child my grandfather( who was more like a dad to me, as far as we were extremely close). Went through lung cancer and passed. Then my mom, who was my best friend passed of cancer at53. I wouldn't leave her side the 2 years she lived. My uncle ( her brother) we were friends. Passed shortly after her. Yes cancer. I am terrified. I feel I know what it looks like, smells like and taste like. This Beast has haunted me. I continue to think I will get it or have it. Been on meds 26 years. Band aids. Went for therapy. Now trying a new therapy and if it includes meds then well see. I started with the shingles last year when I wasn't getting better. Then it must be cancer. Found out diabetic well diabetes drugs cause cancer. Went on extreme diet. Which helped the diabetes. Now I can not stop losing weight so it must be cancer after all. In between I had moles looked at. Ct of lungs, cyst remove. It just won't end. It is the devil. I wish Gods light will shine so bright in us. That neither the disease or the thought can live.

[wleshrr]

i had severe health anxiety 12 years ago and it has recently resurfaced. first it was my heart then colon cancer , then lympnode , it was horrible.....i did Xnax off and on when i needed but a wonderful therapist helped me thru it.

now fast forward 12 years and i discover a small lump on my breast just above my areola . by the way im a 49 yr old male

so now i self diagnosed my self with male breast cancer. and of coarse immediately went to google :-(   and i feel like im right back where i was so many years ago.

im so glad i found this forum just to know how many people are suffering like me