Depersonalization

[Anxietyfreak5]

Hello I've posted one other post on this website and I'm sorry about that. So I've been having bad anxiety and depression since I was about 14. I'm 20 years old now and just moved away from home to go to college and I couldn't handle it anymore so I had to come back home. The reason this happened was because I gave myself such a bad panic attack that I started feeling detached from my surroundings and that nothing was real. My mind will go blank and I freak out that I'm going numb and can't feel anything mentally or physically. I'll tell my family I'm going insane and they have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm going to talk to my therapist tomorrow to see what she has in mind about medication but I'm so worried I have schizophrenia or I'm losing my mind. All I want to do is sleep because I'm scared of the world around me and just can't go back to normal again. I have not take any medication because I wanted to have that be my last resort but now I feel it's my only hope. Please tell me I'm not going crazy. I just want to be normal again and not feel this way. Any advice on what this might be would be awesome. Thanks!

[Anxietyfreak5]

Thank you! I'm seeing my therapist today so hopefully we start to get to the bottom of this and to recovery ASAP. I'm so scared to drive feeling I'm going to lose control and everything still seems so unreal. Like I'm in control of my actions and I don't hear voices but people say online that that's early signs of schizophrenia. I am deathly afraid that is what this is. Hopefully everything is just anxiety and depersonalization and I can just get on meds and therapy will help me slowly go back to normal. I saw my boyfriend last night for the first time and it felt so unreal seeing him again and I had to touch his face over and over until I felt comfortable that it was him and this was real. I'm sorry I don't mean to keep repeating myself I just don't want to go crazy and feel that I am. I'm in such a fog it doesn't feel I'm going through life like I'm in a dream. That's why I feel I might have early signs of schizophrenia. Ugh

[Helpless2426]

I feel that the citalopram takes the "edge" off.  I think I would have many more attacks that were more intense without the Meds.  There were times that I would have attacks every single night for weeks and yes, I thought I was going crazy.  I'd have to say my anxiety got worse after I had children (more people to worry about?). And it also gets worse for a period of time after someone I know dies.  But I do feel much better and more in control now at 37 years old than I did at 19/20 years old without treatment and knowledge.  I think the more I understand about anxiety and my particular type/symptoms, the better I can accept it.  I've also started writing down my feelings every night - every ache and pain, every spacey head moment. I started only writing when I felt bad, but then I'd also write when I felt good so I wasn't just dwelling on bad feelings. But when I feel bad one day I can go back and read the same feelings and symptoms and realize I'll get through it as I did before. It's not a cure all, but writing does help keep you busy and it may help you to see patterns. If nothing else, you will be able to see progress.  So yes, while everyone's anxiety and panic doesn't always completely disappear, it CAN get better.  Try therapy & Meds. Sometimes the Meds make you feel weird for a week or 2, but give it a month before you lose hope. I'm glad I stuck with the Meds. They have made a big difference!

[Anxietyfreak5]

Thank goodness I'm not alone! I'm home now and seeing my therapist tomorrow and I'm just not myself and I can tell. I feel ill and like I'm going crazy. I'm scared of having depression and bad thoughts. Does it ever go away? I feel I'm in a dream. What do you do to cope? Do you ever have normal days?

[Helpless2426]

You sound like me 20 years ago! Anxiety is your problem! I too went away to college but had to come back home. I wanted to sleep to hide from the world. When it was time to go to class I couldn't keep my schedule straight or remember where the classrooms were. My brain went into a fog anytime I tried to go anywhere. I've been on meds (citalopram) for over 10 years. I think it works to an extent but only to mask the symptoms. Back then im pretty sure I just had anxiety (perhaps generalized anxiety disorder mixed with a bit of social Anxiety disorder). I now have GAD and panic disorder which basically means that I have rolling panic attacks for hours and am in constant fear of another panic attack. But yes, I too have the brain fog/dreamlike state of mind/tunnel vision/detached reality. And my escape from anxiety and panic is sleep. It seems to be the only way to truly turn off my brain and reset.