Hello,
To start with, I am a 24 years old guy, and this is my story.
4 years ago, i was in a relationship with a girl that i loved so much, she was everything for me, it was the first and only time i was with someone for almost 2 years.
Things went bad, she ****** up a lot, and broke my heart. After a while from breaking up with me, she already was with another guy. Well, i didnt have any serious relationship with anyone, after her. Not that i didn't want, but i couldn't feel it. Anyways.
I started smoking weed everyday all day, I started hanging out with these "friends" that were nothing but smoking buddies. Smoking everyday and hanging out with these people was my way of dealing with a broken heart i guess.
Gradually things got more serious, and i was introduced to other drugs, and i was interested and i tried them.
During this 2 years, i eventually did a total of 4 LSD trips, 13 mushrooms trip, 1 Salvia, and 5 MDMA trips.
Although i always knew that im not going to keep up like this, i knew it was just for fun and not addiction.
All my trips were good trips, only the last acid trip was really bad. I was surrounded with people i was uncomfortable with. Which started a sort of anxiety in me.
After that, more frequently i started having panic attacks, and over thinking, but never showed it. I am a quit person, and i keep everything to myself. I was quit from the outside, but a mess inside my head.
After all, i wanted to get away from all these people, and lifestyle, but i didn't have any other friends i could hang out with. And i would see my ex everyday, since we are in the same university.
I decided to change my university, and i changed my country, i left my family, my home, few friends that i had, and moved to another country to continue my studies there, and start my life over again, with no bad influences.
Now that im here for almost a year, I finally managed to quit smoking weed, since the other drugs i told to myself to never do them again. But weed was the hardest to quit, since i used it on a daily basis.
So im clean now for almost 2 months, and i have this anxiety and over thinking from time to time. I don't have any real friends i can spend time with, and still have a difficulty in expressing myself, and concentrating on a normal things, such as a conversation with a random person i meet at the bar, I can't keep up with a conversation.
I don't know if im ever going to get better.
I don't know what to say more, im sorry for this long message, i hope i was clear.
Any advice, or opinion would me so much motivation for me.
Thank you,